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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-12-04, 05:03 PM
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#1
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Guest
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.Shrouded In Mist.
IP: 4514 2C8C
Shrouded In Mist
A figure distantly appeared, Face nearly visible but the cloud interfered... Mist covered the darkened road, the moonlight lit, then disappeared... A murky figure walked slowly, eerily quietly and recognisably lowly... Was he a saint, a proclamation of Jesus, maybe a soul ever so holy... As he came within recognisable distance, His walk retained its consistence... Was he real, Why was his appearance so surreal, did he have believable existence...? The man, He, took me by the arm, sat me down...and well, started talking to me.“ I’ve lead a life conscience of sin, So many events, Where do I begin...? I’m already dead, you must be courageous & release my spirits within... So many tears I shed, and in your life I can foresee so many fears ahead... I could have betrayed my father, But I stayed straight Instead” He proudly said... I Sat listening attentively, But my brain kept conjuring up thoughts relentlessly... So many visions and life’s collisions were set out, right in front of me... Then, Suddenly the man...showed me his hands...they were bleeding inexorably. “This” he sadly said, “Is the result of the worlds sin being placed on my head... For every sinful life damned another innocent soul ends up needlessly dead...” An astounded presence overcame me, I looked straight into his eyes, He looked at me... I didn’t realise that, by living a life free of sin, heaven for me he could guarantee... “All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven”, I suddenly felt chagrin… But was somehow thankful for his infinite and irreplaceable advice given… Then, Without warning the man, turned and walked off back into the clouded distance… As he walked away, I stood incredulous tryin’ to shout with nothing to say... I reminisced all the times I had betrayed this man, each and everyday... I had to change but my mind was in a delusional state of derange... However this experience would change my life, never mind how strange... Then it hit me, that figure, how’d he posses the power to control us... The ability to confess & relieve our stress, Holy shit...that guy, he was Jesus... |
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02-12-04, 05:38 PM
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#2
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Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
Nice...nice...nice. Vocab was on point. Flow style was good. Nice retrospective piece. The ending was pretty easily foreseeable but good nonetheless. Hit my "Broken Metamorphosis" if you can.
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02-12-04, 09:48 PM
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#3
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Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
too tired to reply..
i'll edit 2moro with reply upping in mean time pretty nice piece imaginative and pretty well set out more of a poetic piece really due to the flow i latched onto who the piece was about half way thru and it the topic wasnt very original but you gave it a good twist and a personal touch pax Last edited by fgee : 02-13-04 at 12:13 PM. |
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02-12-04, 09:56 PM
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#4
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Light Weight
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IP: E38C 4580
Really nice piece man. . Imagery was good, really helped the content in this piece. . Topic was fresh, nice to see. . Flow was on-point, Vocab was just right, you're intelluctual, that's good. . Ending was really good man, your imagery made it foreseeable like SMZ said, which in some cases isn't bad. . I'll be checking more of your pieces man, I liked this one, Pz.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113776 ^ ^ Hit that up with one of those breakdowns you do. . appreciate it.
__________________
 INSTANT. . |
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02-13-04, 06:18 AM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 4514 2C8C
uppin' while i'm here.
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02-13-04, 06:31 AM
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#6
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IP: C1DA C961
Yo dog i gotta say i really dont read really long lyricks like that,
but damn yo to me that was really tight you kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time, everything was good, Lyricks, vocab, and delevery. Dont change a damn thing, some people would kill to have some shit like that keep it up! p.s. If you down with doin a collabo that would be coo cause i got some deep shit like that....so if you down holla at me at "To whom it may concern" and we can set it up na mean? |
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02-13-04, 02:30 PM
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#7
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Guest
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IP: 4514 2C8C
up'
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02-13-04, 05:29 PM
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#8
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Guest
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IP: 4514 2C8C
Up!
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02-14-04, 09:31 AM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: CEA5 B505
said it before...we need to reinstate the 3 replies before posting rule.
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02-14-04, 02:34 PM
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#10
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Guest
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IP: F229 1E93
sigh.
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02-14-04, 11:43 PM
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#11
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
I liked this piece a lot...the way you described emotion and had a constant vision for the reader...very well done..good vocab structure and all that...keep it up very good work
__________________
Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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02-15-04, 06:31 AM
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#12
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Guest
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IP: A04B E7DD
cheers rule.....
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02-16-04, 11:11 AM
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#13
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Guest
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IP: 4514 2C8C
up.
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02-16-04, 03:47 PM
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#14
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Guest
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IP: F229 1E93
will keep uppin' it.
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02-16-04, 03:57 PM
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#15
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4779 5259
Great read...Emotions you showed on this piece is very rare to find these days...This was simply a great piece...OM of the month.....^^
~Click~Click~sig~~~ |
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