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10-05-03, 02:07 PM | #1 | ||||||
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"Devestation"
IP: FCFD 63E9
This is something I wrote the other day...hope you enjoy it..its a little...freaky lol...please give me some feedback...Thankz
Going around dressed in all jet black Pyschopathic, I'm a straight maniac Crazy and wild, thats a fact I only cry, thick tears of black blood When I get pissed, it makes my veins flood Cutting enemies throats, them hitting the ground witha thud Speaking rarely and only when spoken too People around me run when I say, 'boo' Tripping over one another, they don't know what to do Carving X's into my bare, reluctant skin Knowing death will find me, Not knowing when when I'm gone, no one will wonder where I have been All types of strange thoughts run through my head Some people im glad there alive, others i wish they were dead Maybe they will die soon, or I could fill them with lead Fighting has became another occupation Having alot of trouble with communication Waiting to tear into a victim, eats me up with anticipation I am the worst of my creation I was put here to make Devestation... |
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10-05-03, 04:59 PM | #2 | |||||||
Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
iight
wow this was strong! and yeah kinda scary, but it seems like the person in this turns to beating and killing other ppl because they feel lost or left out, and they might not know how to talk to other ppl. thats what i got from it and it was a good message. it was short and kept to a simple rhyme scheme, but it worked for it, u were able to get across strong emotions and keep it simple it was nice. ~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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10-05-03, 05:13 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 9127 5371
Thanks for the feedback..I usually don't do this sort of ryhme...but I guess it turned out alright lol..Thankz once again
peAce |
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10-05-03, 05:49 PM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: B5AC D2E1
sticky peice twiztid chick im noticing your work dese days it pretty dope. dis peice was like another side to people/you like a dark side. flow was tite. keep it up
peace ~roX~
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im capable of anything my amagination can give me wings, like doves flyin over streets watching many things//Nas |
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10-05-03, 05:53 PM | #5 | ||||||
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IP: 9127 5371
Thankz...I tried to make this one where you could put yourself in it or use me/someone else...Thanks for the reply...
peAce |
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10-05-03, 08:57 PM | #6 | ||||
Word.
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IP: 340D 8B8F
I liked this piece...i was feeling the emoticion in this one as i read through it...it was a good read...it flowed pretty well through out it...your vocab was good..the structure to it was pretty well good, the way you layed it out and everything..overall it was a good piece, keep at it.
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10-05-03, 09:15 PM | #7 | ||||||
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IP: 9127 5371
Thanks for your feedback...I will be posting more soon...
peAce |
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10-07-03, 02:31 AM | #8 | |||||||
..terror walks again..
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IP: 2919 4AA2
yeah thats moe of the twiztid ish, so get out from underneith my bed muthfacko !!!
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the one that watches the watchmen: |
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10-07-03, 07:17 PM | #9 | ||||||
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IP: 0E78 FDA1
lmao...I'll shank yo ass...lol...Thanks for replying
peAce |
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10-08-03, 03:10 PM | #10 | ||||||
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IP: 9AA0 AB03
this was pretty tight, it was a little dark and secluded but it had strong emotion, nicley laid out, nice imagery, a bit disturbed but nothin out of tha usual round where i live, keep droppin tha hotness, peace baby girl.~1~
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10-08-03, 07:30 PM | #11 | ||||||
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IP: C559 1510
Thanks for the reply on this piece beau...I just thought maybe i should write sumthin to go with my name lol...I know its dark and all but i think its pretty kool....anywho, thankz bunches for your feedback
peAce |
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