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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-15-04, 02:47 AM
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#1
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Suspended Suspense
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I can't have her...
IP: EC0B 84C7
I Can't Have Her... I look into the eyes of beauty looking at me permissivly I shook with surprise when she leaned over and kissed me I held steady, a bit afraid of the repercussions of the situation I swelled heavy, but stayed ready for the loving gravitation I held her hand tight, positively shivering with expectation She spelled it out right, this wasn't love, this was recreation But as the moment heated, my heart responded with force My feelings defeated, second place in the pleasurable sports The inquiries my mind held were answered without deliberation The injuries my heart felt were opened through the copulation I had put forth so much energy to ensure related emotions I ran the course, and now remorse shows celebrated commotions Our Time is finished, I vowed to never seek her out again my love diminished, I smile now, even though I fell victim to the sin I can go along with life, feeling that I stayed true to myself alone I'm a strong boy who might, eventually find love when I'm grown.. Last edited by Split. : 02-16-04 at 06:25 PM. |
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02-15-04, 03:13 AM
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#2
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Banned: Compromised Account
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IP: A560 AB42
nice job right chea....
this shit was pretty ill man...the whole story and concept were nice...with some great standout lines.. "I held her hand tight, positively shivering with expectation She spelled it out right, this wasn't love, this was recreation But as the moment heated, my heart responded with force My feelings defeated, second place in the pleasurable sports" i forgot how to quote...but anyway...that shit was nice... the ending also was very good.. i have nothing negative to say about this...except for the italics...lol..but who gives a fuck about that?.. aanyway...good vocab...good transitions...peace |
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02-15-04, 04:34 PM
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#3
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Suspended Suspense
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IP: EC0B 84C7
thank you, anymore?
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02-16-04, 12:25 AM
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#4
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Flyweight
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IP: 4F09 4395
nice flow good vocab
kinda reminds me of myself when I give up at hollerin at 1 chick keep droppin 9/10
__________________
BEST OF YJ Holla at cha Boi Watch Me Eyez of a Young Nigga |
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02-16-04, 06:25 PM
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#5
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Suspended Suspense
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IP: EC0B 84C7
uppin
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02-16-04, 06:48 PM
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#6
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 6236 079F
Nice...a bit short...but..still nice...
I held her hand tight, positively shivering with expectation She spelled it out right, this wasn't love, this was recreation ^loved this line... you have a nice vocab...peace..^^ ~Click~click~sig |
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02-16-04, 09:31 PM
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#7
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New to RB
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IP: C21F 0874
nice shit how many good-lookin bitchs have you spit game and they only played with cha i can relate to that shit i like this line:"But as the moment heated, my heart responded with force My feelings defeated, second place in the pleasurable sports"
anyway nice ass drop expectin more from ya
__________________
" Quote:
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02-16-04, 09:44 PM
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#8
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
fairly good peice...didnt appeal to me as much as some but worth a read. Like pen said you have good vocab and u use it well. Flow was on key nothing great tho. I like alot of your lines...like the ones above...no use postin em again. Nice peice tho...help me out and hit this up
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=114704
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
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02-17-04, 06:44 PM
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#9
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Suspended Suspense
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IP: EC0B 84C7
uppin
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as his sweat pounded the ground and left burnt black marks on the path as he walked towards me with crimson-like skin and universal black horns and as he reached for my lifeless corpse a black-robed figure that was hard to discern whispered to me "Your days are numbered".
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