It's 6 0 clock in the morning and I'm home for Christmas,
my kids unwrapping their presents with a happy smile.
my eye's getting teary cause I haven't seen my kids in a while.
Been hanged up in the army kissing the gunpowder dust.
now I'm back home, with a few scars and walking on a limp.
it's been 2 years since I've forgotten how a rose looked,
and that scented food smell that a famine skin cooked
On my knees now, playing with my son that look like a chimp,
with a heart of gold that's not a wimp. I can hear my wife voice
through that hard labor without my presence, and "I'm sorry"
I said to her last night with the sobs of tears that weep so soundly,
like a man trapped behind bars, I didn't really had a choice.
But all that past now, I must inhale all the happiness that's going on,
like a good cocaine drug that's really good for me,
snort it through my nostrils and just relax and quietly breathe
and let the white powder kill the sins that's trapped inside my lungs.
I felt my heart jump when I heard the lock on the doors
"is it her really?" the door knob turns counter clock-wise,
a big thump hit my heart when she entered. felt teary in my eyes,
Stood up and padded myself. "O honey our adore........"

*phone rings*

I picked up the phone and a gentlemen on the other line
sounded so masculine. A grunt voice spoke these words
"Ma'am is Sean at your presence?" "No Sir who are you sir?"
a trickle of fear hit me under my skin and into my spines
I try to hold back tears and ask "Shall I leave a message?"
"Sorry ma'am wrong name um I'm looking Sandra"
A disastrous feeling came over my knees and conquer
barley could keep my stance I respond "This is her"
........feeling so breathless
"I'm sorry ma'am but your husband Sean is pronounce"
Tears slowly weep from my eyes but did not make a sound,
"pronounce" the word that made sever inscrutable wound.
"dead" the last word of the sentence then I hit to the ground.
Felt the blackness strive through me, my eye lids close tightly,
like their glued together. "Honey wake up"..I responded "Sean?"
my eye's slowly open and at first glance I saw my love,
smiling down at me, but it was the devil smiling..O the wicked.
Then saw the chrome in front of me, and my eyes turned
........into a salty liquid.

Finally home after so many days in college "I miss my family"
I crept onto the front porch and felt the morning hotness shining
on my skin. The flowers moves from the force of the wind,
cars engines passing by me and I hear their tires making sounds
on the road. Slowly entered the key in the keyhole,
my fingers hold tightly onto the door knob and slowly turned it
"they'll be so happy" "then heard a voice that my ears don't notice
"O Honey our adore child is here" The door swung open like it
had a mind of it's own, then my heart jumped in fear when
..........I saw the chrome.

I looked into her eyes and sensed fear "Don't worry child my dear"
A hard thud sound came in my ear and I turned my back, saw
my lovely wife on the ground. "Come" I commanded my own daughter,
lovely soothe body walking in front of me as I told her to "Get some water"
"Honey wake up" A splash cold hard water slithered on her skin,
instead of helping her up that minute, I was making a inside passion of it.
"Welcome back to earth"..."You rot in hell"..I chuckled at the remark,
helped her up and put my arm around her neck "I like this family,
whenever your father talk about you guys i got so attach like it was my own"
"Your a murder" from the famine lips of my wife. A flashback occurred on
the day that I killed their father. Bombs was exploding everywhere,
smoke was like a camouflage in my sight, I had a great passionate of
his family I said to myself "I want a family like his", that's when I killed him.
"I'm not a murder, I'm your husband. You will respect me". Turned my back
and whistle a tune in her ears like her husband would do.

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=216564
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=217144

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Eeeeeeeeh... This piece would have made for a better topical if you threw some more rhyme scheme in. But as a poem I think that this just wasnt emotional enough. It haaad emotion, dont get me wrong... You did have SOME, nice emotion, but it was just overshadowed by the intence literal descriptions. Even maybe if you used more metaphors and poetic techniques rather then just blunt descriptions I would have liked it more. But I dont know... The whole time reading through this, although it lacked the rhyme, I just couldnt get past the thought that I felt this should really just be an OM. Because it achieved the goals required to create a beautiful OM... But lacked the emotion and clever description to really be concidered a poem. Thank you for posting though, stay active.

feed to come.................

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

this is a remarkable piece, i like how you came creative with the concept. Christmas writings have always been my favorite. I love how you incorporated some pretty dope emotion....your imagery was pretty decent...gave me a good idea what was going on...you were a little jumpy and you were a little offf wit ur emotion here and there.....could have been a tad bit more consistant....but its ok..overall 7/10..peace

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

Cool and Atticus If I put this in OM, I think half of the People will say "Hey this Poetry cause it don't rhyme". Thanks for the feed Atticus and MysticChaos. Chea.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

I know, but at its heart it just felt like an OM. So if you were to add the rhyme to it they would love it. And Drama Queen, D.Zaster, and Fathom This will be in later to reply to this aswell... Feel free to PM them and remind them that you've dropped this.

hmmmm....... creative, and i sort of like how there didn't really seem to be a rhyme scheme, bcuz sometimes we're so busy rhyming we leave out the content, what the piece is really about..... i think it did have okay emotion, but it was too obvious, i think u could've worded it better....... yup, pretty good overall, keep writing -Tweety's #1 fan

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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
-Konchance

my poetry:
untitled

Still agree with what I said in your battle thread, I felt you could've made this a better piece if you put more raw, strong emotion in. Just rewrote some lines, changed some things around, all those little things add up. It had a lot of potential nonetheless, maybe rewrite some things and show me. I know you can use this potential to the fullest girl, show me that raw talent

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I thought it was good