i whent into work about a quater to nine
rack up the dishes ate brunch and felt fine
then all of assuden my feet started shaking
pucking up blood my stomach was aching
what could it be ive never felt this before
simular symptoms kilt the kid right next door
ambulance arrived lights bright as the sun
my kidney exsploaded out my lips where blood runs
i fall to my knees try to scream out for help
the pain was tramendas insicions i felt
dicisions i delt from the food that i ate
the person next to me could see and relate
a tub down his throat iv's on his arm
i didn't know bad food could cause so much harm
the doctor cam in said it's time for your shot
hit every single place even my sensitive spots
i siad hey dawg drop down the needle
you think the devils bad you don't won't to see evil
two seconds later the late faded dim
when it was over my symptoms felt slim
no longer felt ill or ach in anyway shap or form
why did i fell this way i said. your appendix was torn
i laughed then i gigle and said where is the grub
im hungry as hell give me some food in a tub
i could eat the whole thing shit i felt i was starving
fuck taco bell or burger king country kitchens my garden
i whent back to work people talked and they cheered
the death of there favorite cook is all that they feard
i put on my apron grabbed a steak and some unions
two days ago i almost died now im fine an't that something
but hey everything happens just for a reason
mine was for cooking nomore additive seasonings
i'll stick to the non seasond hasbrown we put on our grill
no way im dieng from food cookings my life thats for real
so heres a sad story true but still scarry
something you love can be the thing that gets you barried
but enough of the chatter enough of the typing
im still alive another 20 minutes and i might not be

uppin..........uppin.................uppin........ .......uppin................uppin.............uppi n.....for feed back if you don't like it thats cool if you do like it thats cool to but what ever

this was an original concept right here i dont think i read one like this before.

however your rhyme scheme was pretty basic. try to elevate by adding more imagry and definitely by tryna throw in some internal rhyme.

as far as somethin that kinna stood out id prolly say
"i could eat the whole thing shit i felt i was starving
fuck taco bell or burger king country kitchens my garden"
multisyllable rhymes keep the reader inerested

"but enough of the chatter enough of the typing
im still alive another 20 minutes and i might not be"
i wasnt feeling these last two lines though, i dont think it was a strong enough ending and the rhyme scheme wasn't there.
keep it up tho..

__________________
ASSIMILATED CONCEPTZ