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Old 07-17-05, 07:53 PM   #1
The Mexican
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heart broke

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my heart broke today it heard news
that she found another guy......
instead of chasin her i let her go
leavin my heart to shatter into pieces....
it isn't her fault tho this is all on me
i made a mistake an as a result my heart broke...
not sure how long it will take to heal....who knows maybe
never...it may not be whole again but then again neva know
the way my life is goin eventually it'll all end in sorrow.....
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Old 07-17-05, 07:54 PM   #2
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short lil drop..feedback appreciated...pce
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Old 07-18-05, 06:12 PM   #3
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Okay piece... gives a sense of hopelessness... what happens to some people when love fails them... life is hard at times...
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Old 07-19-05, 01:45 PM   #4
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well. yes it was short. no real story to it. try telling us about what happened and we'll enjoy reading it. not that good. but keep writing.
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Old 07-20-05, 01:47 PM   #5
chip
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A lot of emotion in it, but it feels incomplete. What else happened?
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"I don't want to be deep... I want to feel deep and use that feeling to express depth itself..."
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my poetry:
untitled
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Old 07-22-05, 12:25 AM   #6
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ay thanx fa the feedback yall...but the backstory of it is that me an this girl had a thing goin fa a while...but then one day she told me she found someone else...an that lead to this short lil poem...uppin
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Old 07-22-05, 04:17 PM   #7
Os1ris
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I thought this was short but it shows your potential with more writing and experience i believe you can be real good the piece though was good not a whole lot of detail but you still got your point and emotion through keep it up man
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Old 07-26-05, 12:19 AM   #8
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ay thanx fa da feedback..yea i'll try n make em longer an get da details pce
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