checking.............G/l

this is gonna be a sick battle homie, cheyah!

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*As I open the door, I feel a cool winter breeze; teasing me as it permeates across my skin and into my apartment. I close the door. The city streets are flooded with the same old noises made up of sirens, cars, and people yelling. The scratching of friction being made against a flint suddenly breaks the ordinary chain of sounds. Smoke begins to rise, and memmories begin to take form.*

How many of you have lost a best friend in life? Good, i'm glad for you. Now, how many have lost best friends? I want you to close your eyes and experience all those good times again like a memmory, like a memmory...

*hits blunt*
*sigh*

Reminiscing
Ayo,
Do you remember that time when we broke in the ‘lot
On the golf course, at night, smoking some pot?
Yea we partied hard; drinking up and joking a lot
That was crazy man, damn! When we almost got caught...
Fucking pussies, y’all ran when the cops were near
If it weren’t for Matt and I, we would have lost the beer
Carrying the case, on we went with the upper hand
But when you tried to hop the fence, you cut your hand
And that was funny man; I know you were shook and mad
But admit it, that shit is hilarious when you’re looking back
I know we had that fight and have some issues but I miss you
The first time a parent caught me smoking up was with you
Tony trying to lecture us in the garage, bout getting buzzed
Remember that shit felt like forever? He wasn’t letting up
We were so high we couldn't remember his points made
Hit the park like “Thank god he didn’t find THIS joint, eh?”
Pulled it out my sock, wanted to get higher
But we left my house so fast we’d forgotten a lighter
So we biked all the way to a store to buy matches
& while waiting in line, again we saw my step dad, shit!
Man those were wild times; I regret our fight
One to many beers I guess; I regret that night
So with this pen i'll write of a lesson that i've come to know
No matter who they are, friends come and go

Contemplating
Sometimes we care a lot more then we should
Does that make us weak; or does it make us good?
Another question: What makes a good friend?
Does it depend on the lessons learned in the end?
Or how do we discern one from the rest?
And how do we make sure which one is the best?
What if they stay? What if they go?
Should we hate, or wish them the best? Bless their soul...

The lesson learned
Life is full of lessons and friendships that have ended
Do we repent them? Is it our fault we couldn’t get them?
Or is it theirs for keeping them in? I don’t know watsup
Do we hold a grudge or make amends and open up?
Should we let them know? Should we have let them go?
Sometimes it’s our own actions that we regret the most
And through the years I’ve learned as these events unfold
It’s the situations like these that really let us grow
So I’ll let you know it’s best to hold on memories
And remember them as your friends, not your enemies
Do they still have feelings? If so where are they residing?
Sometimes they hide them cuz they’re hoping that we find them
So if you feel like crying there’s a lesson that you’ll come to know
No matter who they are, friends come and go
I still love you though, you were never less then me
Bro you're still a friend to me; I smile as I test this weed
Cuz I know you're still right here with me, like a memmory
Like a memmory...

*The memmories fade away as fast as the ashes that tremble down into the cold, Canadian snow. I open the door and enter back into my apartment.*

__________________

of what these words persist, entertaining a virtuous journalist
in an alternate unireverse averse, where she was first to live
and never heard of this other worldly shit, i'm a physicists
her images flow to where I'm sure to act like a permissivist
beyond the 4th dimensions grip, when I fucked up my experiments
and lost you..became a chemist quick, thought through the elements
like fuck the resurrecting risks, I want you next to me again
I'm seeking them answers that reinvent this shaking hand
that crafts this leaking pen.......
..It all started at the interview
we took an interlude, I asked her if one could think ahead of two
she said a few, but only if they were smart enough, talked it up
"it don't take a scientist to tell you hiding this 'proper stuff'"
"you got it hun.. this is for us, let me give it a budge
its not ready and slow, let it be known i'm still fixing the bugs"
"why are you lifting this up, and what do these knobs do??"
"don't touch that, it could cut back, or make your arms bruised"
in gods room, a lab covered with buttons that differ in types,
sheltering light of time's measurement in an interstellar device
bending the bending of binds with this little needle thing
to remember me's done easily.. I am your directory of secrecy
I've seen differently than people see, believed in these separately
chemically perceived realities that are affinities to infinity
then again could end eventually, the day its patiently proven
my minds awaited, and loosened by the calculations of movement
the exact placement it moved in. "so I remember occasions
temperature basis, looking to a better duration for teleportation
and see if hell and heaven's a place when hassled for everything
maybe experience actual extraterine, opening the astral projectory
the celestially mascle-untitled entity".. "enough with the talk doc"
It's sparked up by the machineries perplexity, molecular onslaught
"how does this all start?".. "well just hold on for a minute"
"we met at 3, now its 10, we're supposed to be over at sixish"
"well to begin it, it's this stick shift.. so be the mystery person
literally the first one, to pull it with electricity surging"
the air heats like a rotisserie burning, as she pulls the switch
my skull was lit with excitement, eyes stiff and couldn't flinch
seven colors split, and also the active current of airways
then she disappears and sees all of a sudden, this weird place
then the tear brakes as my machine in its malfunctioning flames
does as the same and brakes, so pray she will be discovered again



"oh no.. no!!.... shes... shes......"


On The Other Side

2 good pieces

JTR- yours was good, I liked your topic and structure I like what you said in your piece and I could relate to it, I laughed at some of the things you wrote down cause I kinda experienced those too with my good friends, this piece really hit home for me. But at times your flow was somewhat choppy and some lines didnt go right with what your were tryin to say, and I know its hard to do with what you wrote, but expand your vocab a lil to make it more intriguing, but that sometimes is hard to do when your writing an account of something but overall, you wrote this well and youll do very good as this season goes by, I look forward to more pieces you write.

Boberic- I liked what you were writin here man, it was pretty dope, it played out like a story, and I like those kinds since I like to write those myself, your vocab was much better and your imagery was crazy, but with the strong vocabulary, you kinda threw off your flow at times, that seems to happen to a lot of people when they try to put too big words in their pieces to try to connect to what theyre saying, hell, it happens to me all the time, I think you coulda made this much better and made this longer, you had the right Ideas, just put more of what your thinkin down on your verse. But overall it was good and I look forward to seein what you write down these next weeks as well..


Since I'm just startin to do this shit, I learned a lot from both of your verses believe me, by readin these its gunna help me get better at writing topicals, solid work

Vote-JTR

__________________

Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief...

JTR- Ok, first thing, the intro was pretentious as hell and i'm pretty sure that that's a sway since it wasn't part of the lyrics of the piece either. And it's 'memory' not 'memmory', i mean, christ it was stated in the title! And i had to go to the topic thread in order to figure out which one you'd picked, which was pain in the ass. Ok, negative shit aside this was a good piece, you illustraited the connection between the narrator and his friend well, you told a story laced with strong imagery and forward momentum which kept me reading until the end despite the length, 49 lines not counting the intro and outro, again seems like you're bending the rules to me. Strong piece though.

Bob- A nice little mad scientist type piece with strong vocab and imagery laced throughout but the whole thing felt stagnant to me, like nothing was really happening until the end and it wasn't illustriated that clearly. You brought the vocab and the rhyme scheme sure, but it was kind of non-specific what was going for a large chunk of the piece so i had to re-read to follow it. You tied in the picture with a nice twist at the end though. Good piece.


Vote- JTR, for a more coherant approach and a better story.

K, look..

Gettin' a lot of people PM'n me bout the intro of JTR's piece...

From now on, no more intro's unless you keep it in the line limit.. so include your intro into your piece if you need one.

But yeah.. I'll vote on this later.

come on man, i'll edit the intro out if it's really like that, i didnt think it was a big deal, and no where in the rules did it say anything bout that

I've done intro's in text battles tons of times, and no one ever counts it as part of the verse, I think that's pretty minty if you ask me, but it's all good, i won't do intros anymore

__________________

Idk, lemme discuss it with other mods..

i mean i dont really care

but i hate having people in my ear

JTR, that was ok, it was kinda basic and simple but told the story well, I kinda found it a little boring though, just not my kinda story I guess. You could definitly beek up your style more effects and better wording would help alot....stil dope tough


Bob, I was really diggin this, the vocab was dope, but was a little hard to flow with sometimes, the story was cool, I had to read it a few times to fully get your peice though, but I was digging it, but it did seem to stall in places like you were spending too much time on one thing but not enough on another, I was kinda predicting the ending though about half way through....also dope though


This is a close one both came at it well bob had a better chioce of vocab and creativity but JTR had the consise story line with a personal emotional edge, but I think ima say bob with his creativity and complexity.

__________________
When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam


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It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal...
But it's treason when you turn your back on your people.