RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 08-11-05, 06:16 AM   #1
Moral
The Darkness
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Last Words

IP: 2029 97B3

Link Number One
Link Number Two


My Grandpa Chased Monsters Away, Around Him I Was Brave
I Stayed With Em Till His Dying Moment, He Never Got A Grave
He Told Us Stories, He Was The One Who Made Us Laugh In Joy
My Father Was Never There My Grandpa Raised Me As A Boy
If I Had A Choice I Wouldn't Bring Em Back, I Know He's Better
Never Had A Chance To Express Myself So I Wrote This Letter
I've Never Imagined Him Gone, Thought This Was Just A Dream
He'd Always Tell Me This Day Would Come He'd Put Trust In Me
I Look Back At The Good Time's When We Use To Sit And Talk
He Was On An Oxygen Tank But I Still Snuck Him Cig's An Walked
Then I Stopped And I Felt I Wasn't Being Obedient To Him See
After That Every Night He'd Have To Be Rushed To Emergency
It's Hurting Me Cause I Know I Was Part Of The Reason In Fact
I Never Meant To I Was Young Never Knew The Reason Of That
I Remember He Took Me To Work With Him In The Water Trucks
Bought Me Close Bought Me Food Everything A Real Father Was
Then We'd Stop At The Bay And Watch The Fish Swim Down
Now Everything's Not In It's Place Since He Hasn't Bin Around
Built A Shed Together, I Still Miss It When I Think Behind Time
Only Crying Memories Of Us, Way Behind That My Mind Hides
We'd Sit On The Porch And Talk, He'd Read Us The Bible Stories
And When He'd Get Some Cigarette's He'd Say Hide Em For Me
First Day Up Here, It Was My Grandpa Who Took Me To School
And His Dinners We're Untouchable, When He'd Cook Us Food
I'd Never Knew Another Man To Look Up To He's Was The One
After He Died I Couldn't Go On, Never Make It Like I Was Done
Under The Circumstances I'd Never Take It That He'd Leave Us
But I Know Right Now He's Looking Down At Us Next To Jesus
He Built Our Old House, And He Was The One That You'd Love
I Still Feel Guilty Cause A Several Time I Gave Him Rude Mugs
It Was Late But I'd Stay Up At Night Just To Know He's There
When He'd Flick His Zippo Lighter, And The Smell Rose The Air
They Cherry Of His Cigarette Lit Up In The Dark I'd Know It
Cause As Soon As That Lighter Flicked The Smell You'd Notice
He Was The One To Watch Over Us Make Sure We're Safe An
He Was Always Finishing Task, So There Was No Time Waiting
My Hearts Pasting Just Thinking Of How I Miss Em So Much
Just Thinking If I'd Wake Up From This Nightmare But No Luck
That Night He Had That Talk With My Grandma I Realized It
My Grandma Wanted To Break Down In Tears But Had To Hide It
My Eye's Wide Lit And I'm Thinking But I Can't Understand It
I Knew I Had To Find Out, And That I Was Capable To Manage
My Grandfather Had Cancer And I Prayed It Would Cure Soon
Then They Came Out And Told Us I Remember The Pure Moon
And I Cried Until Nothing Came Out, But I Kept On Crying And
Hoping My Grandfather Would Make It Out Of This Dying Man
Same Night He Was Rushed To The Hospital This Time He Stayed
He Was On A Respirator As We All Watched As His Time Fade
We Could See It In His Skin Tone, The Pail Ness Over Came
Trying To Figure Out What's Wrong, Can't Get Over My Pain
We Left Thinking He'd Be Back Soon, Next Day Back To School
Hid My Jacked School We Didn't Go But My Cus Ash Went To
I Hid My Jacket To Stay Home To See Him, He'd Just Lay There
Life's Hard To Get By Sometime, Even God Himself Aint Fair
That's The Day My Grandma Pulled The Plug We Cried Tears
My And My Younger Cousin Was The Last One Out Nine Years
That's The Time My Cousin Had To Know Em We Watched Him
While Every One Left, And They Pulled It We Didn't Stop Them
As My Tears Fell I Watched The Lines Blink And It Went Straight
It Wasn't His Time I Felt It Was A Mistake, Maybe A Bent Fate
He Died On Thanksgiving Day I Didn't Feel Like Eating Nothing
But My Uncle Rick Came Over And Said Go And Eat Something
I Was The Closest To Em' So I Knew I'd Be The Man Of The House
In Those Thirteen Years I Had No Clue Or Plan To Help Us Out
I Know Not To Underestimate Things, And It Happened Like That
Don't Take Things For Granted Now Cause It'll Come And Fight Back
I've Learned A Few Things Since Then, But I Still Give Out Attitude
Not All The Time Just When My Mind Forces My Mouth In A Bad Mood
And My Grandpa And Grandma Was The Only One Here For Me
But Since My Grandpa's Gone Who's Going To Tell Me There Stories?

  Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 06:20 AM   #2
Journal!st
Above Originality
 
Posts: 2,757
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D40E 67D5

man the fillin!!!!!!!!!!!OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWEEEEEEEE EEE man real the emotion whoo!!!!to me man in battles and OM's i look for the emotion if there is no emotion then why rap man real........the vocab was good and structure and metaz and vision whoo!!!!!!!!!!!man ill
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future
Send a message via AIM to Journal!st Send a message via MSN to Journal!st   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 06:25 AM   #3
Moral
The Darkness
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2029 97B3

Thanks Man I Really Appreaciate It
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 06:33 AM   #4
Daubs
NO SURRENDER
 
Daubs's Avatar
 
Posts: 10,604
Joined: Sep 2004
From: Salford
Status: Offline
IP: 828D 0B7A

Nice drop, packed with emotion desent structure flowed well , i didnt read it all but from wht i read i was feelin.

good shit man.
__________________
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 06:35 AM   #5
Journal!st
Above Originality
 
Posts: 2,757
Joined: Jul 2005
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: D40E 67D5

ayo duabs man when u gon RTF on my OM man heres the link homie drop a feed.........


http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=203428
__________________
Chryme Syndicate
-Chalkin' Up Your Future
Send a message via AIM to Journal!st Send a message via MSN to Journal!st   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 06:41 AM   #6
Moral
The Darkness
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2029 97B3

Thanks Daubs Man Appreciate It Yo Thanks
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 08:00 PM   #7
Moral
The Darkness
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2029 97B3

No Feed Damn Man Come On
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-05, 09:22 PM   #8
Paranoid
The Paragraph President
 
Paranoid's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,248
Joined: Apr 2005
From: Sask, Canada
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-1
IP: 997D A94C

damn man very good imgery, but somin you need to work on is emotion, flow could be better stucture is very good, the vocabulary was decent but i'd like to see you get more poetic but in this case in the topic and the story you have i dont think it'd work out, it'd wreck your story probably but overall im feelin this very good om man, keep it up man this one is fuckin long as hell too.
__________________
I don't jack beats; I borrow them.



My Myspace
My Soundclick
Send a message via AIM to Paranoid Send a message via MSN to Paranoid   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-05, 12:33 AM   #9
Christianite
Witness, 4 God, 4-Ever
 
Christianite's Avatar
 
Posts: 455
Joined: Jun 2004
From: Bootheel of MO
Status: Offline
IP: 01CB 94A0

man this was stock full of emotion, imagery was great also, very emotional story, flow and structure were good which made it even better, it was long but stayed on focus and didn't hinder it any, very good read man, keep it up man



please RTF on one of my om's, links are in sig, again great job, keep em coming
__________________
i come from a time when you earned respect,
for your rhyme and the way you made words connect,
not the money that you made or the girls you sexed,
a concept you obviously haven't heard of yet
Mars Ill
Send a message via MSN to Christianite   Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-05, 05:08 AM   #10
Reflekt
 
Posts: 62
Joined: Jun 2005
Status: Offline
IP: 2029 97B3

yeah man very emotional. most songs that people dedicated to someone who pass arent very good lyrically but you touched both sides. you had a nice flow. it was better than i expect from you. dont take that the wrong way. even though it is kinda messed up. overall you did a good job. probly the first OM that i could relate to. good work.

and since youre a nice guy "RTF" in my battle with young montana
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-05, 01:14 PM   #11
Hitchcock
 
Posts: 1,695
Joined: Jul 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 1-0
IP: B52C 6258

cot damn this was long as hell, break it up next time so its easier to read lol. but this was real good. i could really see what was goin on. you had a straight flow and structure was on oint obviously. maybe put some metaphors in there to make it more interesting. but it seemed pretty thoughtful. i give it an 8.5/10
holla at me and RTF...links in the sig
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-05, 02:23 PM   #12
taz
Banned: Cheating
 
taz's Avatar
 
Posts: 413
Joined: Aug 2005
From: Quincy
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-5
IP: 3240 794D

story was full of emotion.......sick imagery...exellent structure which made it flow good.......good multis up on vocab a bit.....ur doin fine keep postin and shit....rtf
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-12-05, 05:39 PM   #13
PrahJect
Champion
 
PrahJect's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,044
Joined: Feb 2005
From: BedStuy
Status: Offline
IP: 9716 8801

structure on point, metaz, flow, vocab, emotion this had everything...cant think anything you missed out...this was really good..9/10 IMO..I was really feelin this......
__________________
www.soundclick.com/dollaback
Send a message via AIM to PrahJect Send a message via MSN to PrahJect   Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-05, 10:54 PM   #14
Moral
The Darkness
 
Joined: Oct 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 2029 97B3

Will Do Thanks Man Weeerd
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-16-05, 11:04 PM   #15
Devin
Out Of The Ordinary
 
Devin's Avatar
 
Posts: 178
Joined: Aug 2005
From: Milton, Florida
Status: Offline
IP: 4A7F FDAF

Nice Peice Man Love The Emotion But You Need To Work On Flow A Lil Try To Use More Multis (But Dont Force Them) They Really Help Your Flow Out Alot, And People Talkin Bout Uppin Your Vocab I Just Say Fuck That i Write The Way i Talk If You usally Use Big Words The Ya Use Them In Your Rhyme But If You Dont Youll Just Force Somthin That You Really Dont Even Kno What It Means I Did That A Couple Of Times

And Could You please Return The Favor In Real Life Link On The Top Of My Sig Thanks Alot
__________________
Send a message via AIM to Devin   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:47 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.