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02-15-04, 12:10 PM | #1 | ||||||
Flyweight
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Da Vinci.
IP: F8F8 B78D
Picture...
Authored by authenticity, the papyrus hides in shades of grey And now the blues die and the once blossoming reds fade away I was made this way: tone def from every common note All because the withered brush couldn’t deliver a proper stroke So now I’ve got a white sheet to hide me as I’m a tragedy But still I wait for the day I’m unveiled and crowned a masterpiece ...I waited and waited, being encircled by looming vultures But was finally greeted by a whimpering sky that boomed with thunder Its harsh winds smudged the colour ‘til there was no hope to dry As an intimidating rain precipitated from the broken skies There was no sunshine, no shelter to stow me away Just clouds whose silhouette made me grow cold and decay The once beautiful hues faded with no struggle or fuss Blistering the canvas ‘til there was nothing but a puddle of mud And when my artist found me, he couldn’t even think or react All he saw was his dreams of a masterpiece sink through the cracks... ...Of the canvas, and the broken rooftop that had dwindled his talents But he couldn’t stay like this, so he picked up the palette Then grabbed the blotched pastels he had dug from the dirt And placed the canvas against the wall with his feet in the Earth He hated unfinished business, so he suffered in hurt But no matter his disappointment, he still published this work ...At the unveiling of his art, I was set on a board onstage The once white sheet hiding me was now red from the core of pain My artist’s forehead poured with shame as he got on his seat Then I was unveiled, and everyone burst into laughter at the mockery... ...Displayed before them, and feeling blinded from the light’s rays I was now in the public’s eye, gripping the heat from its bright flame The room grew colder and I must bare the screams it brings As the papyruses kneaded strings unfolded from the heated ink I panicked, beads of sweat fell and softly I prayed... ...That the Heaven’s would open with rain and wash me away So my life as an art form is over, I’m forced to be traipsing this land And I - the artist’s lifetime work entitled “The creation of man” - Was a catastrophe, a waste of the artist’s talent and nothing more So God, I think it’s time you go back to the drawing board... Because man was a failure. ...Perfect
__________________
It's me - Bare Knuckles!
Yes.. the rumours are true. Alias: Atheist. The Creation! |
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02-15-04, 12:47 PM | #2 | ||||
...
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IP: A9A7 727D
I'd copy and paste my reply from RnR, but that would be pointless.
This is one of the best pieces I've read in ages, flawless flow, beautiful wordplay and the whole concept/metaphor/orgasm was just fucking wicked. Quote:
That is really good imagery. Amazing piece dude.
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Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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02-15-04, 12:53 PM | #3 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: F8F8 B78D
What's your name on RNR?
__________________
It's me - Bare Knuckles!
Yes.. the rumours are true. Alias: Atheist. The Creation! |
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02-15-04, 01:09 PM | #4 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 6D0E 69D5
It takes at least two reads to really grasp the scope in this piece...well done though... i see a lot of care in the craft... You should try making some intrinsic metaphors go deeper... im just not sure if the weather, and thus nature, is the culprit of man's imperfection or just a vehicle for imagery... I mostly unsure because I feel like im lead to believe the Artist/God figure is the one failing the Painting/Man... How does the Rain with in?
keep doin what you're doin {Peace} |
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02-15-04, 01:15 PM | #5 | ||||
...
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IP: A9A7 727D
Quote:
Jax
__________________
Life isn't a bitch... she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis |
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02-15-04, 02:13 PM | #6 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: F8F8 B78D
^ Haha, word.
__________________
It's me - Bare Knuckles!
Yes.. the rumours are true. Alias: Atheist. The Creation! |
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02-15-04, 02:19 PM | #7 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 202C A952
Ayo dunny this ish was MADDD NICE... it took me like three reads to get the whole ish... but mean imaginary was out there... i mean really... i don't know... this was nice... couldn't get iller lol yes it could.. flow was there... everything.... good ish
Peep my ~A Bullet for yo thoughts~ Caesar - on3
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~Sitting In Elevation Position~ Free Agent Just A Sick Newbie Murked - Lust Lost - None |
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02-15-04, 03:10 PM | #8 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
dope
alway dropping goodness.. and this piece was ill.. the whole piece showcased your talent and hit a chord with my brains thinking process the references to the canvas etc were nice as hell i take it the verse was a metaphor for the life of the person 'The room grew colder and I must bare the screams it brings As the papyruses kneaded strings unfolded from the heated ink I panicked, beads of sweat fell and softly I prayed... ...That the Heaven’s would open with rain and wash me away ^ill..feeling that 'The once beautiful hues faded with no struggle or fuss Blistering the canvas ‘til there was nothing but a puddle of mud And when my artist found me, he couldn’t even think or react All he saw was his dreams of a masterpiece sink through the cracks... ^that also the long bar scheme was masterfully used.. props BK please reply to my Anopheles piece.. slept on appreciate it |
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02-16-04, 11:33 AM | #9 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 7CA8 82FF
Bounce.
__________________
It's me - Bare Knuckles!
Yes.. the rumours are true. Alias: Atheist. The Creation! |
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02-16-04, 11:53 AM | #10 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 224F DCB8
consistent multis and well written at that. stunning originality to this peice, strong vocab but not over the top. but the picture you were painting (excuse the pun) was excellent, your use of imagery really brought this piece to life.
good work man. keep on posting. |
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