First poem here....a lil rusty.


We're already cattled headed to a slaughter,
Why bother, i wont live devoting to one "father",
its pathetic, im poetic, and express feelings thru letters.

Poor inoccents torn thru in the middle of a sentence,
death isnt surposed to be thought of as brillance,
mah life's thread is like quills on the feathers.

Life spent wasting on crying instead of standing,
life spent told whut to do, instead of demanding,
Blood feels like oil, due to being treated like a machine.

This is the human race, how do we all feel,
sometimes unreal, sometimes like overkill,
sometimes we beat round a bush, call another a fiend.

All in all we live to die, and waste alot, then cry,
Why spend lives on another, not life, why?
we're all branded and all lost.

First poem here....a lil rusty.
opener was weak...lol kidding


We're already cattled headed to a slaughter,
Why bother, i wont live devoting to one "father",
its pathetic, im poetic, and express feelings thru letters.

I didnt get the exact point of this one, need further explanation... but good rhyming

Poor inoccents torn thru in the middle of a sentence,
death isnt surposed to be thought of as brillance,
mah life's thread is like quills on the feathers.

hmm, im stupid cause i still dont know what your saying.. the rhyming is still good

Life spent wasting on crying instead of standing,
life spent told whut to do, instead of demanding,
Blood feels like oil, due to being treated like a machine.

i like this part.. and i get the point of it 2... rhyming was ok on this one

This is the human race, how do we all feel,
sometimes unreal, sometimes like overkill,
sometimes we beat round a bush, call another a fiend.

nice descriptions used, but the rhyming lacked here... content up rhyme down

All in all we live to die, and waste alot, then cry,
Why spend lives on another, not life, why?
we're all branded and all lost.

nice ender

The flow was off at times but the vocab use was good
good drop and let me know when the rust is off

Its That Simple

death isnt surposed to be thought of as brillance
^ i disagree
many forms of death and the way its achieved are brilliant
take cutters
your average suicide attempters
they are thought of as stupid and attention strivers
but the art form of cuttin i think is brilliant
and mass murders go years and years without gettin caught if they ever do( some of them of course)
and theyr whole plot and scheme is brilliant

your whole poem is something i disagree with
however i find it brilliant beause you attacked so many angels
and the way you did it was perfect

i appreciate this type of poem

Thank you Ma, uppin for more crit

WTF? i showed yall respected and replied...gimme some crit.

WTF? i showed yall respected and replied...gimme some crit.

Nice Drop

The rhymes were good, and the flow was aight off at times like real said. The vocab was good.

The best part i liked the most was...

"We're already cattled headed to a slaughter,
Why bother, i wont live devoting to one "father",
its pathetic, im poetic, and express feelings thru letters."

I thought that was the best part this poem, anyway good drop for your first...

Check out my newest it's called...... What is Anger?