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09-08-06, 11:32 PM | #1 | |||||
All these Dead Presidents
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The Image Is...
IP: 87EB D237
The Image Is..... Po' Wit. Stagnant stares into portrait mirrors, tell artist eyes what to draw on their empty pages. The image so sharp, the retinas bleed, and red iris's sprint down gaping cheeks, jumping off chins' cliff edges to a suicidal puddle on wood-stain valley bottoms. The image so confusing, mouths struggle to let lips reunite as awe sknots in tangled tongues and hangs itself on a uvula noose over dried tonsel valley bottoms. The image so deceiving, questions formulate but remain chained and locked behind thick enamel walls and wander the cell blocks of the minds prisoned thoughts. Stagnant stares into potrait mirros, tell artist eyes to scribble masterpieces on their empty pages filling with illustrations and the literature... An autobiography: The Image is Me.
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- Chryme Syndicate - so - S T F U - My Literature
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09-13-06, 12:20 AM | #2 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
it was definately vivid, seemed like the structure made it a quick read, but i guess there's nothing wrong with reading it again....like i said, very depictive, and descriptive, which is really what you want to accomplish, to capture, and it was pretty good....the only thing i felt didn't work, was your structure with the enhanced vocab, it made it feel like the thoughts were shortened....just me though
all-in-all, it was very good though, keep up
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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09-13-06, 05:30 AM | #3 | |||||
A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 80EF 45DD
i loved the structure bro i even like using it gives the poem a nice feeling and smooth flow while reading, the emotion was okay i thought, you had excellent imagery in this very solid, the wording and vocab was decent...just keep at it man my boy po' wit is mos def gonna be rv's next big poet....so watch out peopl this kid means business
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Crhyme Sindicate
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09-13-06, 03:58 PM | #4 | |||||
All these Dead Presidents
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IP: 87EB D237
^ lol thanks..
And to Gem, this is freeverse.... so the lines cand be any length I want them to be.. Sorry if you felt they were too short?
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- Chryme Syndicate - so - S T F U - My Literature
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