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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-17-07, 11:27 AM
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#1
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aka.liltekk
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new track ahm workin on
IP: 5E09 F0CF
listen ahm workin on a track called
let me tell you a story an heres tha hook an a few lines tell me what ya think hook: let me tell u a story ahm tha fisrt to admit growin up i never had shit now i reck all tha glory let me tell u a story ahm tha fisrt to admit growin up i never had shit now i reck all tha glory let me tell u a story ye back in tha day was all about rackkin tha paper smokin a reffer life getts a lil deeper then it gets harder only two ways make or brake which one do i take man ahm sick of this shit thas all i got so far but can u give some feed back or advice ?  my feed back Last edited by lild : 10-18-07 at 10:30 AM. |
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10-17-07, 11:52 AM
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#2
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 4088 15E1
well 1 of ur problems is that u have 3 words in 1 line. try and make it more lengthy.
for example: the whole point of a song is to use words to express your feelings. But only having 3 words in 1 line is unacceptable. You need to extend your lines so you can establish some sort of flow. And not that vocabulary is necassary but don't make it like you have nursery rhymes you know what i mean? no hate ..i mean your hook is meh...the whole ABBA rhyme scheme...yo could make it catchier. but just keep working on it, u should get the hang out if.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-17-07, 12:02 PM
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#3
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
thankz for tha feed back an i will take your advice thankz blood
uppin |
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10-17-07, 12:14 PM
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#4
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 4088 15E1
check this shit out too for an example:
nothing special but something to go off of. Life is a struggle but its worth dyin for death comes with life, so y am i tryin for? nothin in life is certain, except death itself ppl say sex isnt life but it sure as hell helps.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-17-07, 12:17 PM
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#5
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
thas good i cach the drift now
any chance you wonna be mah mentore lol |
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10-17-07, 12:18 PM
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#6
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: BB99 9931
sure, just email me any questions you have. richard.bjork@baystate.edu
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-17-07, 12:19 PM
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#7
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
for real sweet as blood thankz
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10-17-07, 01:09 PM
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#8
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
uppin for some more feed back plzz
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10-17-07, 07:12 PM
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#9
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сварливый
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IP: 30B6 8894
links by tomorrow midnight, nigga.
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10-18-07, 12:37 AM
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#10
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 17A3 8BF2
^lol thta nigga made that whole sentence so much more powerful.
god i love cheesecake.
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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10-18-07, 06:23 AM
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#11
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
Quote:
what you talkin about blood |
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10-18-07, 09:51 AM
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#12
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 9A30 43B3
i mean this was your frist drop so i cant really diss u like that...
but this isnt really good your line are way to short and your not saying much with what u got give full details and drop complet idea's you cant possible drop an complet idea or consept useing just 3 to 4 words on every line unless you was doing multis which are words u ryhme back to back to back which u didnt do... the flow was ok.. the creativeness was lacking and you need to drop full sentence which will help you out alot.... keep writing since this was your first drop you will get better.. why dont you drop by my open mic and give me some feed back... its called... Calm The Fuck Down... |
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10-18-07, 09:55 AM
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#13
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Banned: Biting
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IP: 9A30 43B3
Quote:
first off.... i hope you aint blood cuz you keep saying it.... cuz we wont get along at all feel me cuz... 2ed off... he means links that u gave feed back on... like mystic and i did... we gave you proper full feed back and comments on your piece... then on the top you will see something that says http://community.rapverse.com/newre...reply&p=3187619 ^^^ well that whole thing is called a link.. all i did was right click on it then left click on copy... then all you have to do is paste it in here... but u have to drop proper feed back or it will get closed... you need 2 links... to 2 different open mic you left feed back on... feel me cuz... lets get it crack'in... |
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10-18-07, 10:25 AM
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#14
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aka.liltekk
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IP: 5E09 F0CF
i know what ya sayin now an i wont call anybody blood ok star lol
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10-20-07, 05:21 PM
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#15
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сварливый
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IP: 30B6 8894
ok homie. closed. thanks for explaining ransum I appreciate it. Maybe he'll learn next time.
__________________
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