the freshness...my eyes bertray my maturity as the scent takes me~
the full pumpkin sits on the porch of my mind and swims in my mental lake, deep~
the crisp autumn air flutters my nose the sight paints vividly on my eyes~
the last time i saw this pumpkin was the first time my woman felt rigidity in her thighs~
the pumpkin in its juicy prime the smooth air dances its contures on my finger tips~
it gives me memories of my mother told by my lively cheeks where once lingered lips~
the pumpkins birth burst with richness my mental porch filled with love~
the result of my wife's lack of taking the pill is a dove~
now the glinting rusted gold i see glinting in my little girl's soul~
takes me back to this pumpkin full of life rare like a pearl but bold~
but last i saw it was months ago possibly years my mind has often told lies~
i pray that this pumpkin's image might cling to me even after my body and soul dies~
the beauty of the fullness but my eyes have not slept on its sight often~
reality has gripped my lost images my eyes removed the pumpkin is rotten~
1luv.

This writing was one of the best that I have read for the short time that I have been with RB. This is one of those writings that I will never forget because it is so real and in depth to your true feelings. Great job. I will recommend this to my friends on RB and tell them to read this because it is true to the heart. Keep the great writingsa coming and I will reply with my thoughts.

MM

the message was not clear to me, the context was very nice
though, what makes this poem so hard for me to interpret
i suppose is the fact that the metaphors are so thick, but
that is always something good to play with. what i did get from
the poem seems that in the begining you were speaking of
your own self and your senses, then it seemed you were making
love, and then you spoke of your mother ( which to me i dont think both should ever be in the same poem.. lol) and then a birth
which seems to have been taking place throughout the poem, and
then you were speaking of your daughter, and then the emotion
seemed to have changed to unhappy, like you wont be able to
continue those wonderful feelings... maybe im wrong but either
way.. it was nice.. Keep writing

one thing.. try to put in comma's so that the reader can
understand how it is that you are reading it.

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<BR><h3><color=black><center><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=left LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 width=300>*~*~*Lady Wun*~*~*</MARQUEE></color></center></h3>
<BR>
<BR><MARQUEE BEHAVIOR=scroll DIRECTION=up LOOP=infinite scrollamount=1 height=100> <center><font color=000000><I>*~*~*~*~*</p>I'm invisible to the unseen eye</p>I'm undeniable strength</p>*~*~*~*~*~*</p>Merk Squad</MARQUEE></center><I>

^thanks for the feedback, i think u got the gist of it Lwun thanks both for the replies, 1luv.

Elevation is key, 1luv.

Hm... ...it went over my head. *shrugs*

Not sure how I can comment on it otherwise good or bad. Other than, it was clearly good. Just... over my head.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Decent drop...i liked the vocab...an the way you brought your wordplay iot was a good read...keep it up man.,..peace

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461

This was pretty dope.. I liked this it told a good story good point explained well. I like how it was written.. Nothin was run on.. the words went really well.. I got a vibe out of this.. and i was actually gettin in to this... Its relatable in some way to me.. Sucks that this wasnt a longer piece. Much Drops..