replys::
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...225#post1020225
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...236#post1020236
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthr...242#post1020242



It sure is weird that my mom has time to drink here (fuckin beer)/
No time fo me but time to give a bj to a ugly (truckin queer)/
She has time to smoke weed , eat shrums and do stuff (like E)/
But she aint got time fo me , do she, cant lisen to me on da ( mic b)/
She thinks shes the best mom that I could ever have in ( my life)/
One day that bitch hit me in da face and cut me wit a ( pie knife)/
Why she think shes the best mom in da world , she cant tell//
That bitch smell and she made my life a fuckin living hell///
If she cared bout me, in court she would accually try not to ( loose me)/
Naw fuck dat if she cared bout me she wouldnt fuckin try and ( abuse me)/
She would get out of jail and stratin out her so called mind//
She said shes never cheated on my dad or do drugs, bitch I aint blind/
So mom my lawyer came by yesterday and told me I had to make a big dessicion/
He said live wit yo dad or yo mom , then I got a fuckin vision/
I had the vision of tha day you hit me and said you hated me and wished id die/
Then you threw me out yo fuckin house and then you hit me wit a brick and made me cry/
Well that day my dad came and saved me, I probley wouldve died if he didnt come/
Me going back to yo house to live so I can get beat again , that would be dumb!!!/


That was a real story ........tell me wut you think.

__________________
"The Legion" takes no prisoners!

I can be nice but dont make me mad....cause when I loose control.......your dead !!

my site:http://freestyleman.proboards25.com/index.cgi

this shit is one of the dope rymes i've read homie. going along with a beat readin it made it tighter. you got some funny shit in here but in a way its pretty personal. Well, i feel you in a way cuz my mom use to be like yo moms, but no to the extent of doing hardcore drugs like da shrooms. above all, this was the best drop of the day. nice.

yeah this was alright...but structure in this was ok, it could use some work though i think, try keeping your lines the same length, some of them were kinda stretched out a bit there, but you can work on that...you had some alright multies....flow was alright....keep at it.

yah it deep man, good read, sad, dont go turnin Eminem on us, hehe, nah but good job life wood suck like that, keep ya head up man

ROLMAO-THIS WAS A WACKNES GIVE UP TRYIN TO COPY EMMINEMS STYLE

__________________
Soft focus

Whats the point of living?

The voices in my head Feat. Rule

Unlikely Alias

More Comming soon!

alright verses. bit stretched in parts, but yeah, can be worked on. trippin on your moms homes. she sounds like a REAL bitch...
check out my shit in 'open mic'...

yo man i feel you alot on dis 1, it waz true an 4rm da heart
an datz wat i like 2 see, it wasent ceribral an u dident try
2 put big wordz an vocab 2 sound deeper, it waz straight foward
and truth
keep it 4rm da heart man

hm.......deep.......a piece filled with hate.....
structure ok.....
vocab could be better....
liked your metas.....nice story telling and imagry.....
good piece....
nice effort
keep it up

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<Center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>.:Corrupted Visions:.</table></Center>

seems Like ya got an EminEm Thing Goin and Truely it don't Work.....use ya own teknique and it would probably Turn out betta......ya flow was alright and so was ya structure......Keep ya self elevaten And Written with ya Own Style Peace(v)...........................

good ryhmes but the subject wasn't very original.stop tryna copy eminem and cum up wid ya own style and you'll be dope

well, this sort of piece can be broken down in two ways..

1. Message, i.e, what you were trying to say...

well, your message here was strong, abusive parents right? and when they mix drink with drugs it gets real bad..i know where your coming from because the same happened to a kid i knew..sept it was his stepdad who hit him...anyway he left and went to his dads to stay, then his mam left his stepdad and now he lives at both houses..and it got better...all i can say is...make the right choice.

2. How did it measure as an open mic

well, not hating but i really wasn't feeling this piece, sure the message was there..but you didnt get the emotion that would have made this dopeness..emotion is the backbone of a great open mic (in my view) if you dont have it, your screwed. Try and put down what you feel, even if it hurts...thats how to get positive feed...keep on elevatin...you'll do ok

respect

Yo... on the Strength kid... this was a good look into the life of someone who's had it tough. But I agree with Liba Dee in that it wasn't a "Great" look into someone's life. It lacked the feeling son. I mean really... it's one thing to hate on your Moms, but the tone is only semi-angry... semi-hurt and so forth. I know your feelings are real... but I don't feel they are "Really" displayed here. The other thing is that the piece kinda threw me for a loop when you all of a sudden started talking to your Moms instead of about her. This can be done... but it needs a really smooth transition. And in my honest opinion I didn't see one.

Anyways, Keep Up The Good Work and Keep Writing Yo... Rap / Poetry can help heal the soul of all that ails it. PEACE<>

Yo I aint copien eminem's style, I guess its just where I lisen to him alot .................but I aint trien to take his style ........fo real .....thanx though

__________________
"The Legion" takes no prisoners!

I can be nice but dont make me mad....cause when I loose control.......your dead !!

my site:http://freestyleman.proboards25.com/index.cgi

This was really good. I was really feeling the motion. We can all relate to this story in some way. My mom's a bitch too. Good work.