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08-15-05, 10:09 AM | #1 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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Still Motion vs. The Revelation
IP: 2AD8 B7B2
You can find the rules if you follow this link: !Rules! Read em... Check in by Wednesday Pieces due by Friday Voting closes by Sunday Topic: Monkey Business
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-15-05, 11:48 AM | #2 | ||||
GG Haterz
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IP: 14DE C361
Checking in, px
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For Anyone Who Wants to Talk to Me ^^I think this explains my view on gangster rap perfectly. |
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08-15-05, 06:29 PM | #3 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 3037 50B7
Wass Good!!! Check and Mate.
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08-19-05, 07:42 PM | #4 | |||||
New to RV
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IP: 3037 50B7
Losing conscious between the plates of leaves
Please- god is supposed to serve our needs Several wives- are vines around a sex cries Flower covered breasts of late bloomers- lives Meant to do rain lap dance- shower wet kisses Several misses- as god sits and dismisses- The Genocide of Genesis- equipped with a man’s rib Dipped in apple juice- Ad-Lib written to rid Us of history and feministic dignity Pity unto thee- as your semen pollutes sanctity Labeled tities that feeds those with your face Replace face with you- groping a rib cage Above the ancient womb – Adam rape breach Damn evolution- a chain stained in bleach Said to cleanse the souls “Monkey’s” preach As orgasms rock the planet with earthquakes Tectonic plates – aged to some ageless date With humans in the womb of primates- past gates From heaven into true worlds- genetic fate Date- evolve in love- ordained above… To propagate the hospitals – doctors- white glove Of gods pimp hand to cut up this greatness As Genesis replaces Monkey Business
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08-19-05, 11:25 PM | #5 | ||||
GG Haterz
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IP: 2452 6408
Monkey Business Green grass as far as the little eye can see between the trees, Full with little kids running and darting and falling to scabbed knees. But they hardly notice the falls and pain cuz the fun is more attractive, Child's play or monkey business, who knows, least they are active. TAG! Haha got you! Try and catch me now! Yells a little boy wiping sweat off of his brow. Nu uh! Screams a little girl, you missed me! So young and innoecent, not knowing misery. Yes huh! I got you on the shoulder stupid! The girl frowns indignently in a sweater her mother knitted. No you didn't! Did he get me girls? Back when numbers ruled everyone's world. No, he missed you! You are fine Megan! The boy runs at the girl and misses her again. A few years later however things don't change, they just mature, Guys didn't like girls, and girls didn't like guys, now we aren't too sure. Some are interested, some aren't, others couldn't care less, When winning isn't as important long as you got ice cream for doing your best. I don't get math, how does a X make something bigger? A little boy at his desk scratching his head trying to figure Out how math works and why he has to learn english when he's fine, Don't worry son, just take it one step at a time. Smiles his dad, Hey I get it now! Thanks dad, this stuff actually isn't that bad! Now can you help me with English? Nouns are kind of confusing, Now we look back and they aren't, but at least he is trying. Sometimes times change and we confuse this with maturity as we age, No longer just dreaming of stardom, but actually going on the stage. Thinking about our future, both with girls and school work too, What's happening you? Parent's tried to warn you and now you know it's true. Hey dad can I borrow the car? I'm meeting the guys for a game tonight! Sure thing son! Just be sure to stay safe and avoid any more fights! He attacked me dad! What was I spose to do? Let him hit me? I was just kidding son, just be home before 11 or else I will worry. So the teenager goes and parties, drinking and hooking with a few chicks, Making out and more, not caring that he is in public. Trying to drive home, but a few friends want to go and have some fun, He tries to avoid it, but finally they catch him and ask if he wants to join um. He doesn't want to, it's almost 11 already but they're already ready, He can still drive, not to drunk, if he concentrates he can stay steady. They break windows, blow up mail boxes, do donuts in the driveway. He remembers everything of the night the next day though, His dad shows sadness, but the son avoids his eye looking at the window. As we grow, our definition of fun changes and so does a good time alone, Once crying for the dead, now you are actually picking out your tombstone. Like slang does from time to time, Bust a rhyme man! Or catch ya on the flipside, Monkey business never dies out, it just changes with the person inside.
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Quote:
For Anyone Who Wants to Talk to Me ^^I think this explains my view on gangster rap perfectly. |
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08-21-05, 09:48 AM | #6 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 09AB 3F4B
Still Motion: you used a creative approach to the topic but I wasn't really feeling it actually, just personal opinion I suppose. You worked it out in your own way and made the best out of it. The entire thing had a poetic vibe to it actually, maybe due to certain wordings, you used words and such, sometimes not even full sentences. The flow was good, vocabulary was on point, had good level of complexity. Imagery was nice as well but I just wasn't feeling how you worked the topic out...
The Revelation: good approach to the topic, maybe not the most creative one but it's nice nonetheless. I like how you divided it into different stages and took the readers on that journey. The emotion was pure and the imagery was there, you used excellent pictures to describe the situation. Flow was bit off here and there but overall it was solid, vocab was on point as well. The story developed nicely and your conclusion was truth spoken. In the end, my vote goes to The Revelation, feeling his approach a bit more...no hate...
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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08-22-05, 04:34 AM | #7 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: E3EC B040
The Revelation advances to the next round
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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