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View Poll Results: Who Wrote This Topic Better?
DeLeon 4 44.44%
Limited Edition 5 55.56%
Voters: 9. You may not vote on this poll

 
 
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Old 06-16-04, 12:37 PM   #1
Restricted
DaTrus Is A Bitch!
 
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From: Pittsburgh, PA
Limited Edition Vs. DeLeon

IP: E283 EC9E



::::..Rules..::::

20 Lines Minimum
30 Lines Maximum
Checks Due By 6-18-04
Spits Due By 6-20-04
Votes Due By 6-23-04

Topic: Annihilation

Good Luck To Both

~R~

 
Old 06-16-04, 02:03 PM   #2
L.E
L.E
 
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From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
IP: 87C5 5C3A

A'ight checkin' in...good luck dawg.
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Old 06-16-04, 02:05 PM   #3
DeLeon
Banned: Biting
 
From: Sa-Town
IP: 85E7 2668

Checkin....And I dont need luck.....ha ha j/p same here playa
 
Old 06-16-04, 02:07 PM   #4
L.E
L.E
 
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From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
IP: 87C5 5C3A

^^^Haha.
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Old 06-18-04, 04:56 PM   #5
DeLeon
Banned: Biting
 
From: Sa-Town
IP: 6247 B101

Ending Of Earth.......


Chapter 1, verse 8, in the book of Revelations..
depicting mother earth being shook to its foundations..
What will happen is total Annihilation..
As god looks on his creation...as failure before his eyes..
dissapointed and appualed, the thoughts,...soar in his mind..
of whether to end humanity....to disregard his craft..
To erase all life on the planet and start from scratch..
Its such a heartless act but take into consideration...
Everything that he's gave us...and how we've repayed him..
We've lied, cheated and stole....are adulterous & dishonest..
Do you REALLY think thats anywhere near what he'ed of wanted..
He promised long ago that....In this Event
A war Between good and evil would begin its decent...
Down to earth...turning our world into a battlefield..
Humanitys final hour...as we cling tight to a shattered shield
Releasing its agressive rhythem, as war-scarred warriors fell
Burnt flesh....heavily decorated by shards of shrapnel...
The wounded left to die, as bystanders stand the sidelines..
Wide eyed....Watching the blood pour, and try to fight cryin..
Cold tears for the fallin.....as the good and evil play umpire..
To bloodied bullet-ridden Bodies; laid to rest from the gun fire...
Bare Flesh..torn from bone...as the innocent fall...
only a select few will be able to claim they witnessed it all..
Until the cast is broken....with no signs of vast emotion..
It was predicted long ago....now that time is fast approaching..
 
Old 06-18-04, 05:17 PM   #6
L.E
L.E
 
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From: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada
IP: 826C 4C70

A'yo...Annihalation...

As I look into the nights sky...life full of blessin'
But our mission is brutal...so I unsheathe my weapon
A man leads us...to our enemy...we try to face them
Hope is useless...........we march to annhihalation
The determination...is existing in our leader's eyes
We are in desperation...we'll be begging for our lives
The King is not here...to witness his people's stand
It will be our last....each with a sword in hand
We begin to march...my heart's pace is quickening
Sweat drips down my face...the fear is sickening
The leader calls himself...fearful to our surpises
But if anybody lives...it will be he who survive this
Snap back to reality...the enemy city is just ahead
Why did I accept this..? How come we can't decide instead?
The person next to me...an arrow goes through his vest
The friend to my right...falls in pain, fire burns his chest
We are running now...down the hill to meet our end
Thoughts in my mind...I will never see my family again
There is an enemy...holding a spear ahead of me
Theres a no life inside of me...suddenly I'm ready
But wait...there was no duel...a pain through my heart
My life is over...already...before the battle starts
I fall to the ground...blood surrounding me...
But it feels so nice...

...'cause now I am free...
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Old 06-18-04, 09:28 PM   #7
Poppa Kap
Banned: Spamming
 
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From: Great Britain
IP: DF7B C8F7

DAMMMIT i just wrote a fuckkin huge fukkin huge break down of both ur verses. FUK FUK FUK and sum dik pm'd me a it made the page expire. FUK

put it short.

FUK that pist me off.....sorry

LE had nice emotion, slightly more than DeLeon.

But i felt imagery, descriptiveness, vocab and rhyme skills is where DeLeon took this. So if its kool to crew vote then DeLeon. I wont poll for now and find out if its kool. Dope work from both.....

DeLeon.

Chapter 1, verse 8, in the book of Revelations..
depicting mother earth being shook to its foundations..

Its such a heartless act but take into consideration...
Everything that he's gave us...and how we've repayed him..
We've lied, cheated and stole....are adulterous & dishonest..
Do you REALLY think thats anywhere near what he'ed of wanted..

Releasing its agressive rhythem, as war-scarred warriors fell
Burnt flesh....heavily decorated by shards of shrapnel...
The wounded left to die, as bystanders stand the sidelines..
Wide eyed....Watching the blood pour, and try to fight cryin..

Bare Flesh..torn from bone...as the innocent fall...
only a select few will be able to claim they witnessed it all..

Limited.....

The determination...is existing in our leader's eyes
We are in desperation...we'll be begging for our lives

We begin to march...my heart's pace is quickening
Sweat drips down my face...the fear is sickening

Snap back to reality...the enemy city is just ahead
Why did I accept this..? How come we can't decide instead?
The person next to me...an arrow goes through his vest
The friend to my right...falls in pain, fire burns his chest

Thoughts in my mind...I will never see my family again
There is an enemy...holding a spear ahead of me



V/Deleon
 
Old 06-18-04, 10:04 PM   #8
FlowIntelligent.
The Epitome Of Greatness
 
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From: NY ... Born And Raised
IP: 3240 794D

deleon: your topical verse was just hott....the wordplay and rhyme scheme was very very good...not really any good multies but your w/p made up for it.... structure was decent...the consistency and flow was very good...overall very hott verse with lots of emotion....

overall: 7.5/10

L.E: your verse was decent and the flow was good and you had better structure...but your verse lacked emotion and consistency...it was a good verse but deleon had the better one...

overall: 5.5/10

vote: deleon

~!1!~
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Old 06-18-04, 11:11 PM   #9
Metaskriptz
Doper Then Dope
 
From: ..?
IP: 4289 77F4

LE-You was pretty close but not that good in the vocab
You had some pretty good things in there but yea Similies
was pretty but did really lack off on some stuff

Deleon-You was very imaginary and you had some nice Vocab
and similies and metaphores was aight...Structure was ok
but mainly You had some good things and I liked it

Overall-Deleon took this becuz he was more imaginary
and and his vocab murked it

v/Deleon
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Last edited by Rated : 06-18-04 at 11:25 PM.
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Old 06-19-04, 08:48 AM   #10
Lyricide
New to RB
 
IP: 9ED0 718F

le- nice flow, good ryhmes, imagery wasnt there though, sims/metas were there, lacked vocab which u need though, not great multis, but u rbought the topic origionally i spppoise


de- wicked vocab, flow was on kid, imagery was there too, brought topic less origional but still it was good, ryhmes therem, no multis, sims/metas less than avergae, but i think u brought a more pelasent verse

vote- dealon
 
Old 06-19-04, 12:32 PM   #11
Vango
RV SPOTLIGHT, GET AT ME!
 
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From: NAPTOWN
IP: 80EF 45DD

Yo Deleon took this with better imagery, I like the way you portrayed the end of the world in a bibilical sense. You both took different perspectives, LE kind of told a personal story of an individual wile Deleon took a broader bibilical sense. It seemed to work better for Deleon, plus Deleon had better vocab as well.

v- Deleon
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Old 06-19-04, 06:53 PM   #12
Shadows edge
retired.
 
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From: Urbana
IP: 3CE3 5668

biting is bad. very bad. especially since baron mind is on this site anyway.
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Old 06-19-04, 10:19 PM   #13
Restricted
DaTrus Is A Bitch!
 
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From: Pittsburgh, PA
IP: E80B CC58

Hold Up^^^^Who Bit?

~R~
 
Old 06-19-04, 11:29 PM   #14
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DaTrus Is A Bitch!
 
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From: Pittsburgh, PA
IP: E80B CC58

LE WINS........DeLeon Bit Off Of Baron Mynd...

LE WINS!!

~R~
 
 


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