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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
03-09-09, 08:30 AM
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#1
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The Write Weight
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Alphabetized (0-1) vs one way (0-1)
IP: 3839 9710
Week 2 of Write Away Your Thoughts Topical League Alphabetized vs one way Rules RULES No biting No recycling No Swaying If caught biting, auto boot from league, and ban request given. If caught recycling, auto loss for the week, possible boot from league. If caught swaying, 3 votes off per comment in which you 'swayed'. Dates Battles set on Monday. Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Battles Close Sunday Midnight Pacific and new Battles will be posted as well. Once your verse is up you can't explain what it is about or complain it was a 15 minute drop or whatever GOT IT! get it straight writing is never a mistake.... if you fail to make it a good write blame yourself in not having enough influence to getting it down right! If you do this, I consider it swaying so you'll get 3 votes off per comment in which you swayed. LINE LIMIT You must drop more than 8 bars (16 lines) for your verse to be considered official. But, you may not drop more than 25 bars (50 lines), if you do so you will be DQ'd for the week and given a loss. NO SHOWING If you no show, you get an auto loss for the week. If you no show two weeks in a row you will be booted for the remainder of the season. After you no show the first time, I will send a PM to you reminding you about WAYT. If you don't think you can show a week, let me know - ask for an extension, sign out the week before. Do something to prevent no showing. We do not want this league to become inactive. EXTENSIONS! Extensions will be granted by Write & I. If you don't have a good explination, your fucked. & you also will need to PM us ahead of time, not 5 minutes before they're due, we're not dumb your just lazy. I'm gonna say you need to send us your extension request by Thursday Midnight Pacific. Any extension request after that time will be denied. Note: We won't be granting extensions to those who repeatedly request every week. If you are having trouble showing, you'll take the loss. Duration of Season this is goes on for 12 weeks not including a one week pre-season. the playoffs is elimination so once you lose in the playoffs your OUT there is no second place winner or third, only one WINNER! Playoffs We let everyone get a chance at playoffs. But, the better your record the higher your seed. If you get a number one seed, you'll be battling the bottom of the rack. So get those records up. Voting You MUST vote on 2 battles before Sunday, and post the links of those battles in your 'check in' post. IF YOU DO NOT DO SO: you will be DQ'd. One link will not cut it, both or an auto loss. I don't care if you are winning by 15 votes, if you don't have links and your opponent does, he'll take the win. No if, ands, or buts about it. Follow this rule. Once champ/contender matches are up, you will be required to vote on three battles, at least one has to be on a champ/contender match. I'm so tired of seeing people not voting on champ matches because they're a little longer or they feel they'll be dickriding. Just vote, it makes the league run smoother. It doesn't take but about 4 minutes. So, if you don't follow these rules, I'm giving no warnings. I'm very strict about this, and the rules will be linked in every battle every week. No excuses. Checkin in Wednesday Midnight Pacific. Drop by Friday Midnight Pacific. Voting ends Sunday Midnight Pacific. Topics MUST HAVE 2 LINKS IN CHECK-IN |
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03-09-09, 11:19 AM
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#2
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Addicted
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IP: B158 C755
check..........
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249524 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249525
__________________
When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam Myspace It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal... But it's treason when you turn your back on your people. Last edited by one way : 03-15-09 at 02:05 PM. |
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03-09-09, 08:57 PM
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#3
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
Check.
[/avoids DQ] An edit button magically appeared! http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249524 http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=249526 Last edited by Alphabetized : 03-13-09 at 04:17 PM. |
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03-10-09, 02:07 PM
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#4
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Addicted
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IP: B158 C755
Lose For words
I position my tie in the mirror as my wife gives me a peck on the cheek The reflection is deep…. I try to hold it together though I’m so desperate to weep “I’m proud of you Stan, for making a plan and sticking to it…… and if your daughter could understand what you been doing then she would support everything that your pursuing” I held it all back except for one tear…. Cause I had to look confident and committed But this vision is so vivid…..I got caught up in the minute She just smiled, and I could read it was time to leave… I went out the door with feelings of all sorts No more pints and quarts No more late nights with sports Its been replaced with sights of court, and slight remorse Breathalyzers to start my vehicles course And AA meetings to redirect the force But Im all game because I must remain to maintain a stable home I do it all for them, cause I don’t want to stray alone I’d rather stay in zone And that’s the reason I’m on my way to begin. The irreversible transformation of the state that I was in I expected the highway to be jam packed So I ransacked the snack cupboards before I left on my quest This traffic gives me time to rehearse my introduction lines So many times so the info is stuck in my mind “My name is Stan, and I’m a alcoholic.” “My name is Stan, and I’m a alcoholic.” “My name is Stan, and I’m……….. I’m not sure what happened, but I was startled The car crashed… Pieces of small glass were flying in all directions The noise was deafening, but only lasted for seconds After, the vehicles smashed parts were scattered in sections….. I felt alive, but no one was coming to my aid I could see the reflection the broken mirror had made To display the baby on board sticker and a familiar license plate On a car that was in a completely lifeless state And a body being pulled out the same in comparison. I laid their helpless in a state words can’t describe After all I had fought for, my family has still died Finally I hear the voice of a helper above me “We got a live one……You’ll be ok buddy….just hang in there…..” There were voices all around, but my life was not my concern After all I thought I would earn, another chance at the plot that I yearn So many questions from helpers “My name is Ross, What’s yours?” But now I was pretty much at a loss for words….. “My name is Stan, and I’m and alcoholic.”
__________________
When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam Myspace It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal... But it's treason when you turn your back on your people. |
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03-12-09, 05:44 PM
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#5
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New Jack
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IP: A1E4 9BCF
http://img18.imageshack.us/my.php?i...stractartal.jpg
I sat contemplating, quantive debating on a new invention and with my minds power I pondered, with money as the intention So to ideas i turned my attention, something for the lime light and so I turned my mind's eye to something for prime time They couldn't debate son, because upon it's creation The whole world turned to goodness instead of devestation No infestation of toxins, no global warming in sight So I counted billions of dollars when I increased the earth's life And despite all I cared for my friends, especially my best As I gave 5 million to her... all clipped in a chest . . So my friend was smart, she went right to the start of her life cuz, she might even dabble in art Travel afar, buy a good car.. and so of course She donated her time to others and even fed the poor . . And while she lived a good way, I'd prefer to say That I had ventured into a constant daze of light rays I may even consider it fiction, because now that i'm itchin I realize the shit was addictin' when it became a tradition Real sick shit too, like some life altering diction Everyone that used it was happy, and really THAT was the mission And it was odd since, people view this as nonesense because "I have viewed all my experiences as a godsend" . . But since I was a fiene, the fix was expensive and dumb and I began to regret how I had dispensed all my funds my senses were done, and all I had was the crave but since it was fun, i had to take back what I gave So one day, she came home to her chest and was broken Since I broke in', snagged all the cash and left it open I was simply hopin' ..that she would ignore this act of treason and look deeper inside to find the fact and the reason And that day I said to her... " I may have not given you riches, but the cost you should like Cuz even tho it's hard now, at least you lived a life Thats why when I found drugs i said it was a godsend to me because some people around are just a waste of an entity" and she replied... "I understand your thinking, and thank you so much Now split the stash with me... it's time for a rush" |
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03-12-09, 08:24 PM
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#6
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Maggot
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IP: 1356 B750
This was a good battle, both of you had negatives and positives...
One way- You wrote a nice verse, decent size , good rhymes and I could relate to what you wrote down, it was quite intriguing..however, sometimes your flow was mismatched and some of what you wrote was strechted, from what I seen so far on this site, its better just to write nothing at all then to express in elongated thoughts, in other words, shorten what your tryin to say and make it flow better. But overall it was ok Alpha-Yours was really good as well, you had good structure and I like the conversation idea, there was one quote that struck me and pierced through me Quote:
^This bar struck, and I totally agree with what your sayin here cause in my life, I experienced that myself But, you flow was strectched a lot and it was somtimes hard to follow, I feel as though you try to use too big of words to get your point across and in the end, it screwed up what you were tryin to say and also try to make your ideas more chronological to get your point across.... there was one more quote here as well Quote:
^hhaha, thats me, entity! and I believe this aswell, some people who live here dont deserve to, be them good or bad, I think you know what I mean Overall- These were two very good pieces with solid imagery, and I think you both made your points clear, It scares me that I accually have to face you guys down the road, I have to get a lot better... In my opinion I gunna take Alpha on this one, but it is by a slight margin, I liked his vocab usage at times when it went well to what he was saying, and I think his had a better concept to it, but thats just my views of different concepts keep up the good work guys... Vote-Alpha
__________________
Although these words, DIG, DEEP
They offer no relief... |
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03-12-09, 08:35 PM
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#7
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What' it do?
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IP: 91BA 0020
one way-i can definately see that your trying hard. Overall i think you show potential with topicals...i'm not sure if this is where its @ for you though, cuz your definately good @ text, I dont mean anything bad by saying that lol. Anyways back to this, you provide great imagery with the way you write. I think you have a good taste in the direction of your wording. BUT theres alot of points in your verse, where it just seems you focus on throwing in rhyme after rhyme. rather than actually having it together and making sense. Your forcing the image by forcing these multiple rhymes. Like having multi's is GREAT. especially in topicals, because it makes the piece a better read.
But you can't over do it. And when i say that, i dont mean that you need to cut back on your multi usage...or your choice of rhyme scheme. I'm just saying that you need to direct your rhymes. Make sure that everything your saying makes sense. Cuz @ one point your saying something....then you throw in that next rhyme. and it doesn't associate with the line before..or overall even with the piece. alpha-Alot alot better than last week son. I definately seen a big improvement with yoour vocabulary. Like one, you show alot of emotion in your wording. That makes your imagery come out. I liked the the direction you took on the topic as well. It was something i wouldnt have expected. I think your scheme is great, you also had good multiple rhymes. But you used them well, and it all flowed nicely. and didnt come off forced. v/alpha. just a better verse please rtf. Mine and N's battle is up and ready as well. Thanks in advance
__________________
Let ME fiiiinnd ooout
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03-12-09, 09:35 PM
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#8
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Addicted
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IP: B158 C755
word, dope feedback.....it'll come lol, thats why Im fuckin with this anyway, to be a better writer, peace.
uppin
__________________
When I be selling grams I’m slinging bombs like Uncle Sam Myspace It's ok to make money, Legit or illegal... But it's treason when you turn your back on your people. |
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03-13-09, 10:46 AM
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#9
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text.even geico can do it
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IP: 3AE9 A7D5
oneway- where the multis were, were nice, and the flow i could ride with. originality wasn't all there, but I liked where you took the piece, it was quick paced, and the imagery you used was pretty tight. with how you described stan acting in the beginning i wasn't sure where he was ready to go to, but it came out pretty dope. getting in the car crash I would've liked to know more, but saying that one line at the end. the people who saved him must've been bullshit. lol
Alpha- LOL idk what to think of your piece man, it was crazy creative. I'm guessing the money reeled in for the man who 'created' cocaine. it was hilarious when dude asked for the cut he gave to shorty back. but who knew what he thought could make the world a better place ended up fucking with his own mind. what struck me as even more crazy is she understood why he took the money back and asked him to split the goods. haha flow was cool, but I liked where you took the topic. funny shit man v/Alpha |
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03-13-09, 07:30 PM
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#10
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Herb
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IP: 4556 7CE7
oneway- dope. You took an original take on your topic and brought it to life with consistently strong vocab and a great rhyme scheme which rarely seemed forced. The vocab was at the right level throughout which made for smooth reading and the plot twist near the end was a great addition to the story, the repetition of the 'i'm an alcoholic' line was a nice touch as well. Good work.
Alpha- The drug-related piece was a nice tie-in with the picture you chose to represent, you laced this with a good flow, vocab and rhyme scheme, but in terms of story progression and imagery this felt a little too vague for most of the piece for me. It seemed like you were throwing 'blanket' details over your narrators feels instead of really getting to the meat of the story. The imagery WAS strong in places, but i had to work hard to keep my attention on this piece until the end. Vote- oneway, better imagery and a better take on his topic. |
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03-14-09, 12:42 AM
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#11
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The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
up over closed.
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03-16-09, 05:35 PM
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#12
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The Write Weight
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IP: 3839 9710
Alpha wins, one way loses.
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