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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-13-07, 09:17 AM
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#1
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New to RV
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"Deflowered Rose"
IP: 6E7E BC73
“Deflowered Rose”  Under the guise of darkness, lies a heartless, guy who hides the carcass .. .. of a seven-year-old school girl back in his high rised apartment. She’d tried her hardest, To escape the ropes he’d tied her arms with .. .. before the tyrant started to divide her garments, And molest the child regardless. The violence started, once she’d rejected his evil suggestion .. .. he beat her ‘til her cries for help, were little more than silent yelps. The pungent stench of his stale breath, clung to her pale flesh .. .. and she balled her fists at each sordid kiss, Placed upon her by his morbid lips. A single finger prised open the pink insides of this shrinking violet .. .. and as his assertive hand plundered her cervic glands - He barely blinked an eyelid. Rose couldn’t bring herself to meet the glare of this demon, So, tearfully, she stared at the ceiling - Feeling her innocence tearing and bleeding. Her tormentor had climbed, the lengths of her thighs and ventured inside .. .. Clenching the sides of her face - To reveal the dark intent in his eyes. Tensions were high, as the monster snarled through pristine dentures of white .. .. And spat in the young girl’s face, Where a mass of fear and resentment preside. The animal lengthens his strides, as beads of sweat secrete from his pores .. .. The heathen ignores her pleas for remorse - His sickening lust still eager for more. With arms that are strong and sculpted, and veins that feed him copious strength .. .. he gropes for her neck, holds her over the bed, and chokes her to death. Poor Rose had tried her hardest, to escape this violent hardship .. .. Now her lifeless carcass, sits on a dirty mattress back in his high rised apartment. And under the guise of darkness, lies a heartless guy who’s prides departed .. .. His lone physique roams the streets, While looking to find his targets… TOPICS: She sits on the edge of the bed “As men, we are all equal in the presence of death.” Publilius Syrus ”Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.” Lily Tomlin P.M. me two links and I will reopen your thread. Links cannot be over 10 days old.
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Act like you know. "I had to get off the boat, so I could walk on water" - Jay-Z Last edited by Willa : 01-17-07 at 05:58 AM. |
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01-13-07, 06:46 PM
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#2
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Flyweight
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IP: F3ED 965F
you need links^^check this out...my latest topical battle
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=239072 and im wondering if this was a topical battle, any how...nice imagery, well sick as fuck actually...wich is a good thing considering the subject...you had a steady story line and a real nice flow, multis were good also...i really felt the emotion of the little girl as well while the pedo was captured more in the imagery, i felt your word choice was cool for the most part...some were a lil strange to me, tho very minor as from the little ive seen and know about pedos they do not beat the children, rather they threaten as they are cowards at heart and perhaps thats my own perception and not valid at all that being said a lot of your lyrics were fire... The pungent stench of his stale breath, clung to her pale flesh .. .. and she balled her fists at each sordid kiss, Placed upon her by his morbid lips. ^^very nice...its obvious you got some writing expieriance and i enjoyed the piece...stay up man...and if this is the quality of your work...DROP MORE...its a lil dead around here at the moment but there are plans in motion as we speak...if you go to the everybody read thread on the top of the O.M section there is a o.m mag proposal you should check it out and dont forget the link to my piece...im out peace |
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01-16-07, 04:35 PM
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#3
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New Jack
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IP: 7EAF 257F
this seem more like a poem but i raye it a ten i like your vocab and rhymes
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