I hate your bar structure.. It annoys me.. But that's irrelevant. .

I must agree is kinda reminiscent of spoken word.. and for some reason I'm waiting for someone to start slapping bongos and clicking at the end.. lol j/p..

I don't feel the "Mosquito perspective" was described enough. . I like a bit of a meaty open mic to read, unlike most people.. But at least you didn't just write about another wack concept like everyone else in here. .

Vocab etc is irrelevant, sometimes the simplest of words are best to describe what you're trying to convey. However I must say there is quite a bit of a grasp of the english language here. Perhaps over many peoples heads because their vocabulary starts with "Bling Bling" and ends in "Xzibit".

I thought you were going to take it from birth to death of a mosquito and you completely went and changed the shit.. I can catch some of the flow, I think you should throw it into a more traditional format in order to make it easier for people to pick up on the scheme.

It was a nice read, an alright concept but I feel that you could've rewritten it in order to have more of an impact on your audience.. Keep writin'.. pz

Just returning the favor.