Please, I dont want another empty "Im sorry,"
I'm already wounded and that'd further scar me.
I can't stand to hear all your cheap, hollow words,
which for listening so long to I sure must deserve.
Once so strong, I feel a sense of my pride has just died,
It's like some part of me just shrivels up inside.
When you say things, all the confidence I've earned
is withered and all my insecurities confirmed.
You take hold of my doubts and your grip on them's firm,
as they spread out through my entire body like a germ.
You think you so easily deceive me, perhaps,
while your face forms a lie but inside your heart laughs?
"I love you" : Words to me which have nothing behind them,
Sometimes a person needs more to remind them,
Please, if you're sorry, dont say it but show it,
You tell me you love me but I really don't know if-
you mean it, I ask you, to write with your heart,
for a start, using ink from your souls deepest part.
Just tell me, this once, it's sad that I need to hear it,
This air between us, I beg you to clear it..
Do this for me..To make me feel better..
I beg you, if you love me, please write me this letter.........

He said he's not "whipped", he says more empty sorries,
The room slowly spins and my vision grows starry,
He doesn't understand, he won't show me he loves me,
He can't take one minute to write me or hug me.
Says I want to belittle him, he says it's not right,
whats belittling about bringing your love back to life?
I'll never know, but his immature ego was too much,
and his empty im sorries simply just weren't enough.
A letter of his love, it wasn't much to engage,
But his loverboy blood never dripped on the page.

wow, ya gott me stunned Remarq !!
im sittin back like Whoa rite now !!
this was beautiful plus it hadd baggin hooks.
u deffintly gott flow down foe ya style.
the peice read off sooo deeeeep, and
everything read off 110% wit flow !!
that a challenge foe any poet,
so till next time stAy up and stAy evoliin !!
peAce

__________________
the one that watches the watchmen:

wow, a very and i mean VERY real poem. most ppl can relate to this poem in a way or another. I read this poem yesterday night and went to sleep still thinkin about it. I also am the type of boyfreind that says sorry alot but, i always try to show how much i am sorry and that i really love her. back to the poem, the vocab wasnt extremely complex, but that doesnt matter in this poem because this piece is droven by emotion and regrets and wanting. the flow was very unique and in that unique manner or rhyming, it made it special. I definetely have to say big ass props for the flow. the message was simple yet human. so almost anyone could relate, almost anyone would know wat you are talkin about, and almost anyone could feel your emotion. feeling was strong, i felt your pain, regret, and frustration. I also like how in some of the parts, you explain how you think he feels, and how he thinks you are tryin to control him.

overal=great message, good vocab, extreme emotion, perfect and unique flow. great poem, definetely one that stands out, and definetely one of my favorites.

__________________

This actually the first piece I've ever read in this forum, matter of fact this is the first time I've ever strayed into this neck of the woods.

I think I'll start coming in here more often now that I see some actual talent is in here.

Onto the piece.....


This is a very personal poem, spoken from the heart which, ironically, is about someone who doesn't.

"A letter of his love, it wasn't much to engage,
But his loverboy blood never dripped on the page."

That is my favorite line in this piece, not because it flows together so well but it is a powerful conclusion and perfectly summarizes the concept of the poem, written.

The structure of the poem was all-in-all well done, and the rhyming was there, but not essential to the piece. All in all, a good read and I'm talking to you about it now, so....I'll tell you the rest online.

once again you came back with the ability to stun and dumbfound us, i don't know how you do it, but you sure do it well..all that emotion, its overwhelming gurl..you really are the dopest poet on this site..

Whoa..I don't come here often..but..works like this..this is pure dopeness.writing at it's best...I really need to come here more..this was simply Great!~~~

I read this last night but I didn't reply. Sorry 'bout that. Or.. uh.. not sorry?

Anyway, I still say you've gotta be one of the best, if not the best, poet that Rapbattles.com has ever seen. And I aint just be blowing smoke up your ass either.

You've got the techinical aspects to this down. You've got the flow and everything that makes this a great read. I didn't like the line with the germ though. Seemed too... I dunno. Some words are just not ment to be rhymed with. But otherwise, damn, it was something.

L.A.STR~E~TZ was right. Most people can relate to this poem in one way or another. Some, like me, know what it's like to be the guy in this. Hm... I never did say I was sorry... damn.

~Shalom~

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thank you all very, very much for the replies..
I told myself I was going to stop posting, but the reality of it is, the replies are almost as therapeutic as writing the poem itself..
It really means a lot..Thank you so much.

Sweeping. So well written it swept through with subtle detail (that's an oxymoron, aint it?!) and an overall atmosphere that leaves on...swept? Sorry, that's stuck in me mind now.

And the way you ended it was so well done. So well executed.

A letter of his love, it wasn't much to engage,
But his loverboy blood never dripped on the page.

The last 4-6 lines were very good. Well constructed and layed down. But that last line really rounded it off well. Left an feeling of longing...melancholy..anger...sorrow. Bitter sorrow (or maybe bitter-sweet sorrow). Especially that 'loverboy blood', which for me was the key thing in that last line. It sounded so bitter, sarcastic....yet without completely covering the sincerity. It's plain meaning. Hmmmm..

Whether or not a highly talented 'out and out poet'. You're very much highly talented WRITER. Have you ever thought of writing short stories in poetic form? Like 5-6 pages or even longer? I can see them being epic with you in the write mood and flow. Cos you know how to 'sweep' through with whatever you write.

...resp...

and shes modest with it...true genius

WOW, this piece was amazing, truely amazing. I was reading and it shocked me because I realized that this is something that i am feeling at the moment. I can relate. Every line was packed with meaning and emotion. The flow was right and so was the structure. I dont believe i've read alot of your drops, but the talent you have is obvious. Theres not much else i can say about this piece. I enjoyed the read. Keep writing. I'll keep reading.

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

Thank you so much ladies, and V, thanks, its always a pleasure reading your replies and your interpretation of the last line was right on..

Just double checking... yep, it's still dopeness.

__________________

Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.