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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-05-04, 11:32 PM
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#1
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Banned: Spamming
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...II...(of the Epic)
IP: C1DA C961
...II... What man renames himself God and claims the axe of Thor, and buries it in his thorax and poverty-scorched hapless shores? Crimson lightning flashed, as acid splashed in smolderin’ rains I carried my dying brother on my back, to ‘shoulder the pain’ The air was suffocated with snow, as white sheets split the sky. Warm flakes of ash, without a storm break, whizzed on by. "… Hell always looks prettier in Christmas time," my brother’s distant sigh, as radiation death kissed his mind. The shakiest steps, I moved through War’s irradiated breath of air, from Aries’ scary death-emaciated chest… pass the fried bastardized children of a whore atom bomb laid torn, scattered on the White House war-ravished lawn. To the Capital where kids evaporated on the National Mall, the intense heat printing their shadows on the back of the walls! The shadows … they seemed to almost breathe, cackle and call Shadows of past acts and blissfully ignorant works of camouflage! The Shadows!! Pain and slavery’s acid venom slathered in them. Shadowed victims eyes, victimized by holo-Costly chattel systems Ghostly, shackled woman and men, exhaling Hiroshima dust decompose and combust, images of atomic corrosion and rust Sliding shadowed visions of imprisoment, shades of confinement The Capitol cast shadows of mass class assasination assignments Embattered, they coughed; shadows on Lincoln’s blackened bust I watched them gather and crawl across the walls… after us! I fled through the red rain, the shadows screaming in dead pain Until my head ached, straining from my brother’s undead weight! They angrily danced to African rhythms and Mayan sing-a-longs I ran amidst the throngs, through shadows of burning synagogues! The grinning-jawed Negatives of deception, false god ‘erections,’ raping and desecrating the virginity of moral insurrection… I collapsed and the shadows attacked, happily snacked and slashed! Feasting on me, jaws actively and rapidly rabidly snapped! I screamed savagly, seeing my arm severed at the elbow joint Leaving strings of ragedy flesh they lept at my chest cavity next! I'm actually 'blessed' to see it all, my brother in unconscious sleep silently being mauled, while his skin begins flaking off in sheets I covered him like toxic debree through the horrible haunting But when I turned …we were alone under a loose sauntering awning… We were covered in white ash. Aries’ unusual beautiful snow fall carpeted the dead and the shades of illusions, chewing my bones off. We were still held in hell, among the walking dead and dying under reddened skies where acid rain and flesh were left colliding. I leaned against a wall, in my own vomit, my brother in his, dreaming about a White Christmas Before all this... …Part ...III...to be continued.. |
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02-06-04, 12:54 AM
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#2
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 399E F0FD
I think this is my best OM yet...^^...It's alot better than the one that made the Hall of Fame...
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02-06-04, 01:37 AM
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#3
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Middle Weight
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IP: A10D 4933
God dam...You just keep comin with these...wow man fuck. I loved it...The entire concept and everything...was great from the start to the finish...lol, is it me or is anybody else's mind blank after reading that...? crazy shit penskills...I love it.
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02-06-04, 06:28 AM
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#4
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Guest
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IP: 7E66 A2E6
dope verse now kick it I wanna hear some one rock this in audio
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02-06-04, 06:47 AM
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#5
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
very nice.....it was a great read. Loved the vocab you put in this... and it flowed great. Nice wordplay and storytelling. Cant imagine how you write like this... all the fricking time...lol. Well once agian dope peice
__________________
Corrupted Visions |
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02-06-04, 06:52 AM
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#6
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So Tired Of It.
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IP: C1DA C961
i hate penskills!....damn you and your dope creative ness.....dope...multies vocab content etc..all dope
__________________
<center> Best Topical League On The Net: The Lyceum $400 IN CASH PRIZES!!!! The Prizes: 1st Place: $250 and 2 round bye next season 2nd Place: $75 and 1 round bye next season 3rd Place: $25 and 5 votes next season Best Record: $25 and 5 votes next season Best Verse: $25 and 5 votes next season Don't miss out on your chance to win big amounts of real cash! Just contact Celestial for more info! </center> |
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02-06-04, 10:05 AM
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#7
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
i think this was another good drop from you, but i think your starting to overuse vocab in places, not much but thats just my opinion.... the vocab was good, and so was the wordplay...other than what i said..... nice, well written.....
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02-06-04, 10:43 AM
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#8
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Flyweight
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IP: C1DA C961
Very nice piece - it's all been said above.
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02-06-04, 10:51 AM
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#9
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Guest
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IP: DDEC 1B91
very nice drop..u have some skill for paintin' pictures and tellin' stories nicely..
i'mma start lookin' out for ur posts..very hot peace |
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02-06-04, 12:02 PM
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#10
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Guest
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
iight...
Unlike half of the people in this thread... Ive read it... So a can give some decent feedback... This is making a good 3 part 'epic'... Lol... Looking forward to part three... Back to this one... Vocabulary in this was like... Whoa... Maybe too much... Like Devvy Boy said... But its not a major problem... That is the only thing that a can see wrong with it... It was a good idea to seperate the verses like you did... Because a solid block of writing wouldnt of suited this piece... You had nice wordplay... Concept is really forming... You say this is your favourite piece... Nah... Might be yours... But mine will always be Journey... Illness... Keep it at this standard and you will be remembered forever... Lol... Pz man... |
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02-06-04, 12:09 PM
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#11
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"The Eleete"
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IP: FAD9 BD2A
Daaaaaamn once again Pen does it again......The sad thing is you dont get the recognition you deserve........The people have no word in this place an if your not down wit the mods crew you aint gonna get in legends (which is bullshit).......But once again your skill truly shows in this piece.........excellent 2nd part! Cant wait for the 3rd man.........drop it soon..........Peace..........
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02-06-04, 02:23 PM
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#12
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
^ Thanks for the support...^^
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02-06-04, 04:12 PM
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#13
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Guest
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IP: F127 8F9A
Jesus Christ man..............every single OM you do is dope especially this one. And no T West my mind went blank too.
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02-06-04, 06:02 PM
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#14
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
Quote:
 cool sig~~~  |
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02-06-04, 07:12 PM
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#15
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Suspended Suspense
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IP: EC0B 84C7
this is the first open mic i've read from you. And it was dope. I was very surpised to see what I saw, Your vocab, though others thought was overdone, I thought it fit very well into this piece, wordplay was excellent when used. And the topic, though heavily played, shined throughout the piece. Very good drop, Hope to see more from you...
And if you could, hit my OM in my siggy, its short and sweet, easy to read |
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