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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-03-06, 07:59 AM
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#1
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Middle Weight
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Dreaming Conciousness(The Origins of an Orgasm)
IP: 11AF 50EC
Of which path ought dreams embark…
Beholding the fork of my nourishment?... Ought they spill heavenly onward… toward the circle of lust which drives the seclusion of these… …nether parts… shrouded in yielding protection?... …rock... …inflict a pleasant pain upon my frontal lobe… a soft laughter over the cerebellum… parting in lips of reckoning in realization of the inner growth… …of your tension... Ohhh…perhaps… But will they…grasp the inner workings of creation… …in odd intervals…a new being bring forth?.. or break between repetitions and join no off… ..spring… …Jesus…mmm… I’m sinning in a pleasant redundancy…brown skin comforting me… I own it not, its real personality… teasing my senses alive, the texture… perfection in drops of sweat …and saliva… ……………….. …with… the culmination… a task… of… exhausting…measure.. and… and… a drifting desire…........ ...........to sleep. |
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01-03-06, 07:59 AM
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#2
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Middle Weight
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IP: 11AF 50EC
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=218296
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2604701 Last edited by Lil C : 01-03-06 at 08:03 AM. |
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01-04-06, 04:41 PM
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#3
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All these Dead Presidents
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IP: 44ED 234C
Title was sounding horrible to be honest but the piece itself was very good. Your structure was kind of eww but every other aspect was seemingly nice.
You had very nice, colorful vocabulary. Nothing too mind blowing but bigger descriptive words making the piece better. Your imagery and emotion. More so the emotion here... But it shows in your work. Very felt and taken to heart on some of those lines. Everything else is kind of .... lets say, non-essential.. like the flow and what not.
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- Chryme Syndicate - so - S T F U - My Literature
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