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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
11-13-06, 04:05 PM
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#1
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New to RV
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"Our time"
IP: 0EFD EEC2
Our time is endless
A forever night Gaze upon the stars "I wish i may i wish i might" Soul to Soul forever High above the highest We grow apart, and away? Never. On we go, to the endless When truth be told Truth our friend As we grow, and get old This is not the end Our time is endless A forever night. |
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11-17-06, 01:16 PM
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#2
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New to RV
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IP: 0EFD EEC2
Good concept all-in-all, What I suggest for you is to try and tighten up your structure more for future works so it has more flow and can breath. Also, try and work on your vocabulary and syntax a little bit more, this will strengthen your allegory and your imagery aswell.
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