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12-30-03, 03:33 PM | #1 | ||||||
OriginIll
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Ghost
IP: D79C 2834
i must've been born a ghost.. at most, i am barely seen
just a bad joke who's being choked by a scary dream & my self-esteem .. has evaporated out of existence cause even when i talk to myself.. still, nobody listens wake up to no hugs & kisses.. only disses are there consistanly reminding me that no one misses or cares this isn't fair.. why & when did the love disappear? how did i become a vision no one wishes to share? i live in dispair.. w/ only lonely feelings to bare the weight as i dive straight into the abyss of loneliness & hate my mind state has become the only kind place to go so i find myself hiding behind thoughts.. just to lay low until the day goes... & night slowly creeps over the sky vodka..as it gets mixed w/ the weeps from my eye to drown my sorrow's along w/ tommorow's good byes cause my future is only a wake waiting on my present to die so why do i presently try to be pleasently surprised by life when inside, i feel like the whole point.. is at the end of a knife it just doesn't seem rite.. to live when death is certain & you feel like an actor wrapped in the final curtain what's your mind worth when the world's turning its back & your opinion doesn't matter cause public opinion is fact so the fact of the matter is... you are what society precieves as it precedes to spoon feed you until you believe once you do, your doomed cause they've planted thier seed this means you are no longer you.. & have grown to be who they want you to be this is the person that i see in me.. now back to the post cause "the real Rich" doesn't exist... this was written by a ghost Muaaahhhhhaaaahhhhhhaaaaaahhhhaaaaa..... BOO!! Last edited by Evolve : 12-30-03 at 04:25 PM. |
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12-30-03, 03:55 PM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
yo this was an exquisit read.................
wordplay rhythm wordusage imadry attentiveness to detail and over all just fucken tight.....i dont see any flaw in this and think it would make for a great audio i must say this has impressed me ... |
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12-30-03, 04:05 PM | #3 | ||||||
OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Well thank you very much... feedback is appreciated
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12-30-03, 04:12 PM | #4 | ||||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 4577 CD9A
yo this piece was tight.....i luved the imagery, worplay, vocab, shit was raw...tight ass piece....basicall y evrything that WORD
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12-30-03, 04:13 PM | #5 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
yeah, i agree with the other two..hott shyt man..really enjoyable..the way it flowed was like a good eminem piece..coo..look out for you in the future..keep droppin..
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12-30-03, 04:17 PM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: B910 8CBB
Good Piece, Nice Read, Didnt Bore Me
and Liba is Right...Did Flow ALOT Like Eminem Even Though Eminem Has Nice Flow, You Gotta Have Some Uniquness With Your Own Flow...Na'mean Overall 8.6/10 mics |
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12-30-03, 04:30 PM | #7 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: ABC6 6325
sa'weet sh*t.............................................. ...............wordplay off the chart............it were all good when it comes to points of critique............aight peace.
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01-02-04, 12:30 PM | #8 | ||||||
OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
Uppin
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01-02-04, 12:40 PM | #9 | |||||||
..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
This was a very good piece. I felt the detail and the way you put this together was really good. The Structure was good the vocabulary was good but your rhyme scheme was great. This was a really good poem right through it wasn't boring at all well done, you put that together really well
Keep it up. peace
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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01-02-04, 12:44 PM | #10 | |||||||
*On Probation*
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IP: AAF1 A3DB
This shit is hot man no doubt.. flow was exceptional god dam.. real smooth.. Wordplay was nice.. You had some nice mtaphorical referances too.. This was on some real type knowledge shit and im feelin it.. keep it up.. peace
holla
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Sonz Of Enlightenment {TRILOGY}
.IpsØ.ƒactØ.
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01-02-04, 03:26 PM | #11 | ||||||
OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
THanks
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01-02-04, 03:44 PM | #12 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: D0CB 44B2
This was hott as heck man .............. liked the structure and every thign bout it ............... keep flowing,
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"The Legion" takes no prisoners! I can be nice but dont make me mad....cause when I loose control.......your dead !! my site:http://freestyleman.proboards25.com/index.cgi |
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01-02-04, 04:42 PM | #13 | |||||||
Banned: Spamming
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IP: 3354 DAC6
i replied to this as RnR ..
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W o r d P e r f e c t ^This is your IP bitch! |
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01-05-04, 08:36 AM | #14 | ||||||
OriginIll
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IP: D79C 2834
I Know
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01-05-04, 09:15 AM | #15 | ||||||
Registered User
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IP: 2614 26EA
this was tight......ya wordplay structure it all kicked ass
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