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11-26-03, 10:56 AM | #1 | |||||||
New to RB
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gratitude
IP: 3D61 2E1A
i blame my mother; she, through which, i am
i blame my father fa showin me how to stand i blame my brother for my being a man my mother lessons learned harshly but it was easy for me this woman that bore me thas killin me softly my father who was and wasnt there didnt kno whether u didnt care or simply didnt kno where to find here my brother let me be simply me introduced me to weed why to pick out seeds i blame them for this... something is amiss... oh yea...thank you... ((yea...im real grateful...))
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...do tell... Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold...... simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi- |
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11-26-03, 11:10 AM | #2 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: F845 C337
flow was off in some places and at first I really didnt get this, then I went through it again and understood it a bit more.. there could have been more emotion put into this hun, no hate.. much love <3
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<center>Fuck it...</center> |
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11-26-03, 02:15 PM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: A70C 8BB7
hmm intresting peice, you dident really explain yourself on this and i agree on you could of used more emotion and your grammer could of used some work, as small as it seems it makes a diffrence on how people see your work..
my brother let me be simply me introduced me to weed why to pick out seeds ^ i liked this verse tho, thought it was cool anyway keep uppin |
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11-26-03, 06:05 PM | #4 | |||||||
-Merk Squad-
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IP: DF7B C8F7
Lack of emotion.....i couldnt really feel what you were trying to
portray....there wasnt enough energy or meaning in the piece And it really hampered a good concept..... Keep trying Pz. |
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11-28-03, 02:08 AM | #5 | ||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 640C 3FBD
Looked like you were sarcastic through the whole thing. Were you? It's hard to tell.
It wasn't bad though. I was thinking you don't like who you are since it looked like sarcasm. I don't know. Everyone already said this but, there was a real lack of emotion. Or I just didn't pick up on it. To me it read kind of bland. Wasn't really feeling it but not saying it's bad. Keep on writing and posting them up here. Not everyone is going to like what you write so don't let a few responses stop you from doing your thing. |
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11-28-03, 03:52 AM | #6 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: CEF5 716F
it seemed kind of scrappy like u put it together too quickly
TAKE YOUR TIME not a lot of flow it had its high points but just go back though it and take your time to express what u mean |
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11-28-03, 08:27 AM | #7 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 4577 CD9A
lol////yall are tellin me sumthin i already kno...it was bein sarcastic an i meant for there to be as lil emotion as possible...i dimmed down the original simply so it woould be like thsand dun get it twisted i like me...i juss hate everybodie else for no reason...haha! thanx fa the words...-shi-
__________________
...do tell... Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold...... simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi- |
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11-28-03, 11:43 AM | #8 | |||
Flyweight
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IP: 7631 EE5B
hmm... alright
i think i get the feeling you was trying to get off, but..idk i think it was weak, you culd've upped the vocab and word play, even if you was trying to take a simple approach keep writin keep elevatin
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~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
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11-28-03, 07:22 PM | #9 | |||||||
Spectator
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IP: 1A70 9542
We are taught to be thankful to our parents as they gave us life... unfortunately 'life' doesnt mean quality, or acceptance... or happiness. It just means existance.. and why the hell should we thank those that did nothing more than procreate.
I think thats what you are trying to portray here, could be wrong.. But the posts before me shed light on most things, the vocab was a little etchy... but maybe you wanted it this way, as a lack of respect.. Either way, interesting read Shi.
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Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
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