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Old 04-09-07, 09:33 PM   #1
The_Legacy
New to RV
 
Posts: 34
Joined: Apr 2007
From: The Rock
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1 N Only

IP: AC60 C1C9

Yo I wrote it a while back tell me what y'all think, Break it down if you want

Yo Yo Yo, Ight let me kick this shit
Im A Kid from the Suburbs and Im Aware of that
I aint eva kill someone wit a baseball bat
Only thing I ever killed was a bird or Squirrel
Sometimes I ask myself Why Im on this world
Then I think and I relize Nothing but the truth
Im on this world the same reason Im in this booth
Its Cause of Love one thing and another
In this Case it was my father and my Mother
I Love Hip Hop and it’s a dream of mine
I sit down and jot down every single line
I read it over and then I fix it up
Then I grab a beat and go and I mix it up
I Wanna make it big but then again who doesn’t?
Only way to make it big is if you’re a dime in dozen
110 Percent is what I put in this game
And I hopin I step out with a little bit of fame
Yall know Mike Jones, 50, and Cam
You here there new song and your all like damn
That’s not what I want, all that publicity
Every Corner you turn theres the Paparazzi
Trying to snap a picture getting in you head
Say the wrong thing now your publicitys dead
You said the wrong thing now everybody hates you
Even your Girlfriend don’t wanna date you
I rather stay underground and still get rich
Write one good song and its like you turned on the switch
Enough about me getting big let me tell you who I am
Im just the little guy here trying to stick to the man
Heres a little story how Big O began
Me and Buddah chilen on the Stoop
Started freestylin, Tried to start a group
went to Lunch Boxes try to make a beat
We were only rookies and we thought it sounded sweet
Tried to record took a few times
They were only little not full complete rhymes
So started R.O.C Clan it didn’t work out
We all split up, and took a different route
Me and Blouns, Buddah and Ryda
Lunch Box turned into an Outsider
We started to colaberate getting shit Done
Blaze is Gone, Legacy has Begun
That is my story I hope yall liked it
Like after a touchdown I think I SPIKED it!


NO LINKS NO FEED!!

Last edited by White Trash : 04-13-07 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 04-09-07, 09:54 PM   #2
adamjace
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IP: F618 C57D

overall I could follow the story... But you need to work on not using such basic rhymes.. dead/head dam/cam route/out it just makes the verse too basic... It flows/sounds a lot better when u use multis ex. Just hop on the beats they nick name me "beat rider"/ Sonic boomin on lames like guile in "street fighter." that was just a quick example off the top of my head but its an example none the less.

Keep writing

Stay up.
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Old 04-09-07, 10:03 PM   #3
Lay.
don't try.
 
Posts: 991
Joined: Mar 2007
From: Above you.
Status: Offline
Text Record: 13-2
IP: 4A3D 46AB

Yea the rhyme scheme was basic..multi's would had made it flow alot better, overall this was a alrite piece, the story was decent..pretty interesting. But yea keep writin. elevate.
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Old 04-10-07, 02:31 AM   #4
crazyboysoki
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Posts: 67
Joined: Feb 2007
From: rancho cordova CA
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IP: 36F8 F445

i definitly agree wit those two on this piece, but i enjoyed it cause its the same place im comin from. keep doin your thing bro.
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Old 04-11-07, 07:53 PM   #5
KM
..........
 
Posts: 338
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Text Record: 9-6
IP: 1E2E CA64

same here.....good flow it was smooth...but keep working on it..... 7/10
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