|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
10-23-03, 11:58 PM
|
#1
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
But I love you... (No not some dumb ass love poem)
IP: 739C DB67
I love you….
Did you offer it out there as a twisted apology? Some kind of conscience clearing strategy, To keep me out of your thoughts, a clear mentality? You can’t get rid of me… Because tainted words never sounded so pure Than when they purged those lips so sure And it seemed they were destined to be my cure But they weren’t… Your romantic tendencies have been calculated Casualties totaled, but real pain’s not been evaluated Your reasoning, sir? Not one syllable is validated I’ve heard nothing you’ve stated… Counteract these delusions, leave me something concrete Sanctity, I surrender my lord to this sorrowful defeat But leave me some part of you for with out it I’m incomplete Left me groveling at your feet… |
||||||
|
|
10-24-03, 12:22 AM
|
#2
|
|||||||
|
Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
|
IP: ABE5 5A5C
That's defining illness right there. Seriously.
I mean, on a technical level it's got multisyllabic rhymes, complex vocabulary, a strange but quite workable verse format. And then on the emotional level... Well, to be absolutely honest, I think the technical aspects actually detracted from the emotions you displayed. The emotions were certainly there though. What I found quite amazing was the fact that I'm pretty sure I actually thouroughly understood this. It takes talent to make my dunce of a mind comprehend anything. ~Irenic~ |
|||||||
|
|
|
10-24-03, 12:52 AM
|
#3
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 2341 1CB6
i agree with Necro up there....i liked the mystery to this..it was kinda odd for lack of a better word, but it made sense. the structure, vocab, formation of the sentences.....all that was effective. and i understood the message i think.....it was real....
good sh!t |
||||||
|
|
|
10-24-03, 08:41 AM
|
#4
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 554A 44F1
well thank ya! This wasn't meant to be some hidden message, some kind of deep ish, just meant to portray in words that rhymed an what not... but I'm glad that e'erything sounded good to y'all thank ya for the feedback
|
||||||
|
|
|
10-26-03, 12:44 PM
|
#5
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 739C DB67
I'm sorry, normally I don't do this but I would like some more replies to this peice... I know I have that collab up an all an I thank the people who replied to that but daggum, gimme somethin on this, it took a minute an it means something to me...
~Uppin~ |
||||||
|
|
|
10-27-03, 04:15 AM
|
#6
|
|||||||
|
Spectator
|
IP: 1A70 9542
Ive come back to this piece a few times and re read it Calisto, basically because its so good... Ive not known what to say.. There is no critique necessary here, the way you have written this is unique and is obvious evidence of your talent as a writer.
Sometimes, the words I love you, really do lose all meaning.. and arent what we need to hear.. Some people, too many people.. well too many of my ex boyfriends.. have assumed that saying these words will fix anything.. Really great write Calisto. Loved this.
__________________
Great spirits often encounter violent opposition from mediocre minds.
|
|||||||
|
|
|
10-27-03, 08:47 AM
|
#7
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: F718 7AAD
^^Shes right and I agree with her fully. Those words do lose there meaning and I can relate to it. Yea and arn't what they need to hear at all. Sometimes words speak greater when actions are included. This was felt deep and kinda made me think deep into myself about this. It takes a lot to do that and you have done it. Thanks for the great read Spect JT
|
||||||
|
|
|
10-28-03, 08:36 AM
|
#8
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 554A 44F1
Aww! Thank you guys. That really does mean a lot to me that I asked for replies and y'all gave them. I truely thank you for all the imput and opinions you've given me. Peace
|
||||||
|
|
|
10-28-03, 02:40 PM
|
#9
|
|||||||
|
Special Ghost To Blow
|
IP: ABE5 5A5C
many times people choose to use the words I
love you just the same as saying whats up for instance... some things are better not said and better when they're left to decide when he or she likes me..or loves me... at least I think its better that way in this long legged life "actions speak louder...you know the rest" Cali you know I like this...im always here to help... stay nice with it forreal cause your very talented...  |
|||||||
  
|
|
|
10-29-03, 08:33 AM
|
#10
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 739C DB67
*Smooches Con* Well thank ya sweety! Those words are definatly not something I take lightly and even in this situation I don't know how they were meant... I've never had the balls to truely ask all the questions I wanted to know so therefore I really don't know what to think. But I'm left with my perception of what happened and how things went down and I guess this was my angry side comming out because I don't have it in me to aim this aggression towards him, though he deserves every inch, if not more. Again, thank you all for your time and thoughts, peace
|
||||||
|
|
|
10-31-03, 06:56 PM
|
#11
|
|||||||
|
GÄÑg§tå Gu®£
|
IP: 8F50 A7E0
Your romantic tendencies have been calculated
Casualties totaled, but real pain’s not been evaluated Your reasoning, sir? Not one syllable is validated I’ve heard nothing you’ve stated… ^ fav part it dont sound like a love poem to me LoL
__________________
<center> "Fuck Y'all Hataz."  </center> |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
11-01-03, 12:49 PM
|
#12
|
||||||
|
Light Weight
|
IP: 640C 3FBD
You write some good stuff. I liked how you put a different perspective on this. When I read the title I still didn't believe what was in parentheses. Proved me wrong, though.
The first stanza is what I liked most. I read it and pictured someone saying they are leaving you but still saying "I love you." Definately a twisted way to apologize. This seemed pretty clear with what was going on but I won't be suprised if I got it wrong. Highschool drop-outs miss even the simplest things. How you broke it up into different parts was good. Made it easier to follow than the long paragraph type thing. Easier on the eyes, I guess? I dunno. You keep getting better. Kind of suprising. Ok, I'll stop before I make this reply too long. |
||||||
|
|
|
|
11-01-03, 10:42 PM
|
#13
|
|||||||
|
New to RB
|
IP: 4577 CD9A
that was dope...im feelin the fact that it isnt "some dumv love poem"...that was dope..ya kno? but im not gonna front an use a bunch of english terms to describe ya poem u kno wut the fck it is..but fa those that aint got it or looked way too deep i think ur simply tired of hearin them three infamous words..so ur tellin the person to speak sum truth not juss the same hollow words..so if im rite more power to you..an if im wrong even more power too u..but all there is is gettin better...stay up -shi-
__________________
...do tell... Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold...... simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi- |
|||||||
|
|
|
|
11-01-03, 11:04 PM
|
#14
|
|||
|
Flyweight
|
IP: B5F0 9199
nice piece right here, i felt it
"Because tainted words never sounded so pure Than when they purged those lips so sure And it seemed they were destined to be my cure But they weren’t…" ^ i liked that right htere and the first part as well but it seems as if you took a slightly different road with the last two parts; a sort of change of mind, i thought it was going somewhere else.. but it didtn take away much from the piece as a whole i liked it, nice drop keep elevatin
__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~ {--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --} {-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-} {--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--} {-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-} { --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--} Poetry Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten Understanding Once Again "It requires wisdom to understand wisdom: the music is nothing if the audience is deaf." |
|||
|
|
|
|
11-03-03, 08:56 AM
|
#15
|
||||||
|
Guest
|
IP: 554A 44F1
It's game, pure and simple, it was game... something I walked into unguarded because it was the only guy that I can honnestly say I have loved and he ran game on me... an then after the fact that he told me we couldn't be together after we were layin in bed naked recouping he kissed me goodbye and said "I love you". I didn't know what to think of that, and when he called me I asked him and he told me he did, which was undoubtedly bullshit but still... that was the deal, most people have gotten it right, the first line says it all, he did me dirty and those words are hollow and it was his apology...
I thank you all for your feedback and I really appreciate the different angles you have all taken to read this from.... Lovin RB, an lovin you all! Peace |
||||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
