A place of uncontroled wonder
things go unexplained,
Citazens there will cheat and steal
they're lost in the worlds game.

Depression rises daily in their charts
nothing done to stop it,
suicides and breakdowns all common
yet no one seems to notice.

Blackness fell upon this tiny town
crushed its little bones,
and every morning the bright sun does rise
yet its heart remains stone cold.

You look into this horrid living world
and weep inside yourself,
you've gripped hold my thoughtful message
this picture is us......... ourselves.

~Tera~

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very nice gurl...sorry, aint posted in a while, short but sweet, vocab was simple which helped get your message across perfectly. Loving it darling, keep on dropping.

Yeah, this was good. Unfortunately, what you described did sound familiar to me when I read it. People lying and cheating to get ahead. People getting depressed and killing themselves. Shit sucks. You wrote it well, though.

"Blackness fell upon this tiny town
crushed its little bones,
and every morning the bright son does rise
yet its heart remains stone cold."

^Was my favorite part. Don't know why. Nice post.

filed this was written very well and I liked how you wrapped it
up at the end saying its ourselves and explaining how we see this through our own eyes day in and day out because its true..

no matter where you live things happen and everythings not
perfect even though we would all like it that way...ima stop
why im at it but I liked what you had to say..

la paz

thanks all for your replies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! love you all lol!!!!!!!!


~Tera~
DONT HATE

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interesting....soo true about these small towns...haha i live in one and everyone knows everything...the weak are weaker in these parts because they cant go without ridicule...but hey describing yourself as a town is cool too...am i making sense most likely not..but nice short piece i really enjoyed....i think the length was beautiful i hate when people tell me to lengthen pieces...their short for a purpose.....-1-

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SOFT FOCUS crew record (3-0) Wits end ~ DOI ~ Central....now who's next?
sacred scriptures record (5-0)

Yeah its true i live in a small town and its exacly wat i feel about it... the lines words and feelins in this poem was well typed





peace

Nice piece girl, i liked it
i think it goes for every where, not just small towns
things go on and people just brush it off, b/c it doesnt
affect them directly, but i think it affects everyone b/c
eventually it'll catch up with us, and we will all suffer
for being neglective
*i dont mean we like WE, me and you and you, but the ones that brush it off, yea ok, you got it*
this was a nice read
keep it up

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~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."

It had potential and part of the messge was there but the poem itself was too elementary to tackle the topic you were going for.
I think you should work on spelling because it makes a difference down the road and in terms of interpretation of what is purposeful and what is not.
It started off well and I was getting into it but you lost it in the second half. The third stanza... the 'son' line didn't work because I didn't know what sense you were using the word in, the contradiction does not make sense.... and I'm aware of the tool that it can be. It did not seem like you were using it as a justaposition to the darkness and it seemed uneasy.
I also thought that your final stanza where you explained your meaning took away from the essence of it, but thats just my opinion.
keep the ideas up though and tighten up delivery.
good work.
.peace.

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I'm a goblin hooked on rails, stuck drinking ale/ I'll rip the horn out a unicorn and shove it up your fairy tale.

this was a good read, had a good content and i liked the wordplay very good keep it up pz

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Open Mics
The Weathers Art
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673
My Teenage Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850
Secluded
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851
Open Your Eyes
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461