i blame my mother; she, through which, i am
i blame my father fa showin me how to stand
i blame my brother for my being a man

my mother
lessons learned harshly
but it was easy for me
this woman that bore me
thas killin me softly

my father
who was and wasnt there
didnt kno whether u didnt care
or simply didnt kno where
to find here

my brother
let me be
simply me
introduced me to weed
why to pick out seeds

i blame them for this...
something is amiss...
oh yea...thank you...



((yea...im real grateful...))

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

flow was off in some places and at first I really didnt get this, then I went through it again and understood it a bit more.. there could have been more emotion put into this hun, no hate.. much love <3

__________________
<center>Fuck it...</center>

hmm intresting peice, you dident really explain yourself on this and i agree on you could of used more emotion and your grammer could of used some work, as small as it seems it makes a diffrence on how people see your work..

my brother
let me be
simply me
introduced me to weed
why to pick out seeds


^ i liked this verse tho, thought it was cool

anyway keep uppin

Lack of emotion.....i couldnt really feel what you were trying to
portray....there wasnt enough energy or meaning in the piece
And it really hampered a good concept.....

Keep trying

Pz.

Looked like you were sarcastic through the whole thing. Were you? It's hard to tell.

It wasn't bad though. I was thinking you don't like who you are since it looked like sarcasm. I don't know. Everyone already said this but, there was a real lack of emotion. Or I just didn't pick up on it. To me it read kind of bland. Wasn't really feeling it but not saying it's bad.

Keep on writing and posting them up here. Not everyone is going to like what you write so don't let a few responses stop you from doing your thing.

it seemed kind of scrappy like u put it together too quickly
TAKE YOUR TIME
not a lot of flow
it had its high points but just go back though it and take your time to express what u mean

lol////yall are tellin me sumthin i already kno...it was bein sarcastic an i meant for there to be as lil emotion as possible...i dimmed down the original simply so it woould be like thsand dun get it twisted i like me...i juss hate everybodie else for no reason...haha! thanx fa the words...-shi-

__________________
...do tell...

Every lil boi is born shi......their ignorance makes them bold......

simply put"...wise words whisperd to deaf ears as no one hears the blurred proverbs that're always spoken clear so i fuckin swear that my where wont be here as time tolls..." second verse of 'Elevate' written by -shi-

hmm... alright
i think i get the feeling you was trying to get off, but..idk
i think it was weak, you culd've upped the vocab and word play, even if you was trying to take a simple approach
keep writin
keep elevatin

__________________
~.:Soft Focus:.~
{--Deacon (\_/~\_/) Content --}
{-Calisto (\_/~\_/) .:Lady Sage:.-}
{--Filed (\_/~\_/) Domain 9--}
{-Thrust (\_/~\_/) Know1 (\_/~\_/) Emotion-}
{ --Rule (\_/~\_/) Mental God--}
Poetry
Don't Look Into My Eyes Forgotten
Understanding Once Again
"It requires wisdom to understand wisdom:
the music is nothing if the audience is deaf."