I looked straight ahead.. the road long, lone and dreary,
I grew weary, the swirling sand rose and made my eyes teary.
His engine next to me was steady, I walked and quickened my pace,
And gazed into the endless stetch of street that I faced.
He Said "Get back in the car," But there was no way I'd listen,
A tear streamed my dusty face and the moistened path glistened.
The sun setting, my shadow cast in front of every step,
I walked and stared, wouldn't even glance at him to my left.
Leaning out his window he summoned for me a last time,
I ignored, he hit his breaks and reversed like rewind.
He tore in the other direction, I heard him speed off behind me,
All of the sudden I was alone, I touched my forehead to remind me,
And as my fingers absorbed the blood, I took a look around,
Not one person was in sight, not one car and not one town.
Then I wanted to turn around, and scream for him to come retrieve me,
Cuz even though we had been fighting, I didn't think he'd actually leave me.
But I pushed myself forward, The road grew dark and more unknown,
I had to be strong, I had to be brave, and I had to do it alone.
Cuz getting back in his car would have been just as scary,
I cant trust the man now that I once wanted to marry.
I envisioned his yelling and his eyes, like black beads,
The way his grip was so hurtful and my inaudible pleads.
It would have been so much easier to do what he said,
get back in the car, and ride the way home instead.
My legs were now aching, I was starting to strain,
But i knew that this torture would prevent future pain.
Don't get back in his car, don't get back in his life,
I'll grieve now but this will be the last of my strife.

It's been long, but come the dawn, my destination is near.
I won't have to depend on him and I won't have to live in fear.
Everytime I reconsider, Ill remember everything I hate about him,
Ill do whatever it takes to prove that I can make it without him.

I was so violently derailed, yet I got back on the same track,
Well this time I'm moving forward, God give me the strength to never look back..

(C) DaGyrlRemarqable
All Rights Reserved.

I'm not female. Nor have I ever been in a relationship with a man. Let alone an abusive man. I've always chosen to do what is easier rather then what is right. And if someone yelled at me I would either concede or start flailing fists.

And so when I read this peice... my goodness... I'm on a totally seperate planet then you are. I really am. But what is amazing is... that when you write, you do it in such a way that someone like me can not only understand what you're getting across, but feel it too. I mean, right there in my heart I know exactly how such a situation you described must be like. A little arrogent of me to say that I could possibly understand such a situation... but you're that damn good of a writer.

A tear streamed my dusty face and the moistened path glistened.

I like that line specificly a lot. Mostly because the way you described a tear falling down... hell such an event would barely cross my mind, and even if it did I'd never describe it the way you have. That's what I like a lot, the way you describe things. It's not just different, but skilled. A finely honed craft, if you will.

~Shalom~

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.

Thank you Necro.
If yours is the only reply I get, it'll have been worth it.

but you aint only gonna get one reply gurl, this piece should'nt be slept on, its a goldmine, a wonderous talent your hoarding their, i get the sense from reading it that its a poem written from experience, but you don't wanna say thats fine, you certainly know the feelings you convey and it was a superb drop. You have a very rare talent, be proud of it. You used your unique style to your advantage and it has once again, worked to your advantage.

you got the upper hand in the poetry room gurl

keep ya head up!

haha...if this piece gets slept on it shows how sick this board is....that poem was off the chain girl.....i mean that was ridiculous...all I can say is I give you mad props....you a mature writer...being able to convey the emotion you chose, and still have the iamgery and word choice you used....mad props girl, that was SICK...i'mma be honest...I don't know if you should be posting stuff like that on here without a copyright...there gonna be cats that wanna deboe that junk....hot stuff girl...i'll up this for you a couple times....don't sleep!

^You are absolutely right about the copyright...And thank-you SO much for that reply..It means a lot..

You too, Liba...I appreicate it, gyrl.

Really amazing writing. You write about a lot of sad stuff. It would be a shame if you went through what you write about.

This one isn't so sad though. I mean, it is, but it's more inspiring than anything. This girl coulda got back in the car cause she was afraid of walking that dark road alone. But she decided she was going to take a stand and not let him do that to her anymore. Now that I think about your writing, it seems that this is her dealing with her fear of being alone and depending on herself instead of the beating thing. Of course she's trying to stop that too but...I dunno.

I shouldn't even bother telling you that the words you used and the way it rhymed was really good. But I will anyways. Necro said it all, pretty much. Even if you haven't been in this situation, or anywhere near it, the way you write makes it so easy to understand what it would be like. And it would definately be a horrible thing to feel like this. So I guess you could say your writing would help me treat women a lot better and appreciate them more. Sorry for repeating what was already said, but there's only so many ways you can tell someone what they write is good.

You're putting out a book, right? Hopefully I get an autographed copy. Make it out to Shaun

If only I could get the love that dagyrl recieves maybe id still be writing :P. For real though gege why aint you tell me bout this? Is it cuz you thought i wouldnt want to read it for whatever reasons?
'Everytime I reconsider, Ill remember everything I hate about you,
Ill do whatever it takes to prove that I can make it without you.'
would i just quote you? maybe.
'I envisioned his yelling and his eyes, like black beads,
The way his grip was so hurtful and my inaudible pleads.
It would have been so much easier to do what he said,
get back in the car, and ride the way home instead.'
i always like your descriptiveness. i can always envision the story unfolding as you write. wait! ITS THE CAR INNIT?? you love the car and you know it. how bout we write a collab where you play you and i play..... jus teasin.
never look back. you know thats impossible. you have to know where youve been in order to know where you are. you've got mail. another sweet piece. DONT SLEEP on this GENIUS YALL!!!
lulu x

e

wow girl you never seem to run out of this amazing ability for writing that you have. you pull me into your pieces, and make me feel as if i lived them, because you paint the picture so well and make it seem so real, so natural. The way you describe things in this piece are wonderful, and bring the piece alive, and make it full of color.

The message/ topic of this piece was strong, and even thou it tends to be a well used topic, it still was a unique piece. but the best part of it, is she doesnt get back in that car, and she plans to get out of this awful mans life, and move on, and stand strong. its very soul lifting, but at the same time its so sad, because she had to live it.

~Tera~
DONT HATE

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that was some nice poetry there...don't know if it was sumtin personal or not...but that was nice...

Thanks gyrl^...never got a reply from you before...

Legendary... Thanks so much, it really means a lot..and yes, you and Necro get the first two autographed copies..

filed, thanks a lot, I really appreciate sincere replies like that..

MC^2...'preciate it...you're a sweety..my biggest fan..

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!

ehh girl that was a good poem... keep ya head up.. dont ever give up

See I was definitely feeling this piece. Sometimes us females just kind of.. let the guy do what he wants. I'm glad there's a poem that depicted the torture of knowing a man you love physically hurts you, and then knowing that whether or not you care about him... you need to leave him. You know it's better that way. The description you used was ill. I felt it. When you reach up and touch your head, I felt myself doing the same thing. I felt my legs aching, I felt how hard it was to keep walking... The vocabulary in this piece was great, and it just added to the depth of it. This is beyond the greatest piece I've read in a long, long time. Great job.

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wow....I felt that shit....this shit was nearly flawless...ur imagary (sp?) was perfect....down to the last detail....the story never let up at all n I felt the whole thing....I didn't think I'd enjoy this that much but damn....good job for real.....big ups

peace

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