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Old 12-27-07, 04:46 PM   #1
Brydon
I made it and il end it
 
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cant live with wot i done,no wonder she on the run.

IP: A85F F48C

you can change but you cant change what the devil arranged.
bin a year now, man i miss that princess of mine,
or should i say wot was,thats y love goes so well with the word devine.
i define my love for her-as bee would for its queen,
she's such a picture of happiness, like no other uv seen.......
like i explained that was all mine once, jus could'nt keep hold,
made a mistake by treating her like an old toy ready to be sold,
slung to 1 side,left to gather dust,screaming so loud looking for the bloke she trust,
but i found it clever 2 play with the other toys on offer,wot a mistake,keep hearing that annoying thing she used to say 'trust is a must'...........
I'd say 'yeah yeah why say such silly things? i love you!'
(knowing i was going out 2get my fill)
i mean wot a dickhead!!!! Y didnt i listen? instead i prefered to dream about wot the girl said(bit on the side) 'cum here let me suck you'......
yeah of course its all gud at the TIME,
but thats the sick thing,im sitting here knowing thats the 1 thing i wished i could rewind!!!!!!!!!!
so if the devil's on ya back,pull out the gat,shoot him twice,
get rid of temptations,so theres no act,like rolling the dice.
at the end of the day its either her or him,
so that way you cut out all this crap im in now,easier now you know how to begin.
its a big sin to do wot i done,
so never let urself get involved with the devil,jus love her as much as you should your mum.
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Old 12-28-07, 01:21 PM   #2
Young Kidd (LM)
Better THAN You!
 
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It's alright. The flow is hard to catch. like the beginning the flow was easy but it suddenly got harder and messed me up.

also the rhymes are simple. I know it's about a girl. but add a little wordplay to make it more interesting. or just add a couple better multi's the spice it up.

i like the content. that's straight. But work on the basic shit. like Rhymes/Flow/Multi's. and other stuff along those lines.

Keep At It.
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Old 12-28-07, 10:16 PM   #3
KM
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same like LM said.....it started off ok....but then got hard to read in the middle and the structure got messy......adding more wordplay or multis would have made it alot smoother to read.....u stayed on point with the content....keep it up.....~1~
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