RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 10-17-05, 09:56 PM   #1
~lextownkillaz~
New to RV
 
~lextownkillaz~'s Avatar
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Oct 2005
From: LEX-TOWN
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
stressful days

IP: 1078 6117

all these days that pass me by
im streesed out searching for that high
but somehow its not to be found
sitting here quite not makeing a sound
i relize that im not at my peak
with these poetic theories that i speak
cant take no more its impossible
it seem like the stress is unstoppable
never saying or doing the right thing
at times all i wanna do is sing
but its allways a put down i recive
tearing me up inside, now i dont belive
now i feel like i'll never know sucess
cant do anything to over power this stress
theres a deep pain inside my chest
only understand this i'm not the best
i must confess...............
__________________
Send a message via AIM to ~lextownkillaz~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~lextownkillaz~   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-05, 09:57 PM   #2
~lextownkillaz~
New to RV
 
~lextownkillaz~'s Avatar
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Oct 2005
From: LEX-TOWN
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1078 6117

i want some feedback on this thanx................
__________________
Send a message via AIM to ~lextownkillaz~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~lextownkillaz~   Reply With Quote
Old 10-17-05, 10:30 PM   #3
atti?
1926
 
atti?'s Avatar
 
Posts: 3,147
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
IP: 0825 899A

Pm Two Links To Have This Re-Opened.

*Closed*
  Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-05, 02:12 PM   #4
atti?
1926
 
atti?'s Avatar
 
Posts: 3,147
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
IP: 0825 899A

  Reply With Quote
Old 10-19-05, 03:23 PM   #5
DQ
Odi et Amo
 
DQ's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,675
Joined: Feb 2004
From: Alosta City
Status: Offline
IP: 7419 CC76

only understand this i'm not the best
i must confess...............

^I think the last lines kinda sum it uo, they express the vulnerability and doubt that was the underlying tone of this poem. Maybe the vocabulary and overall wordings can be improved, add more of a poetic sense to them. But you have potential nonetheless, you know how to put emotion in it and such. Imagery can be worked on as well.

Keep writing
__________________


Authentik Intelligence





...The future is mine...

Send a message via AIM to DQ Send a message via MSN to DQ Send a message via Yahoo to DQ   Reply With Quote
Old 10-21-05, 10:22 PM   #6
~lextownkillaz~
New to RV
 
~lextownkillaz~'s Avatar
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Oct 2005
From: LEX-TOWN
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 1078 6117

thanx for the feed............uppin for some more.................
__________________
Send a message via AIM to ~lextownkillaz~ Send a message via Yahoo to ~lextownkillaz~   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:17 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.