IIGHT I wanna get some feedback of my freestyle `bout The Soldiers (Dynasty Soldiers)

No one knows wats happenin.................................//
Something in the core is corrupting.......................//
All the skillz of The Soldiers are erupting................//
Is Dynasty Soldiers rising up again?......................//
All the other crews are beginning to drain.............//
The power of us is runnin thru ur vein.................//
We have the power to grab the skillz and contain//
When we rap we shock our oppenents we pain...//
Everyone fears us and our name....................//
Rappin with us and with others crews aint the same//
We take ur name,battle and make u shame.....//
Rap battlin,to us aint a game......................//
We battle real and we take it serious........//
The ratin of our skillz are mysterious........//
Dont come near us cuz we are deleterious//
DONE

that was too confusing the way you spaced it out so ,and take out these things /

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=105618

I'm sorry but this was too simple....it wasn't really good, had no content...Decent attempt but it sounds like a 4 year old's rap...It's been said before...this is jus like alot of the newbie raps...Elevate..one

__________________
Zero effects

yea...^ i agree to that...
but i am at that stage to...ha...

can you drop some feed on mine...?

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107570

Too simplistic, you didn;t seem to have a decent rhyme scheme here...the

...............//

was really just not right....newbish....I mean, you got some dope vocab but you need to apply it to your rhymes...sort the structure out first of all, simpistic rhymes....just keep spittin n' go to the tutorials forum to get some help in elevatin'.

..This is very very WACK~~~Just like yo crew~~~