Sines of a Broken Heart

Let me begin this by emphasizing one thing....
Unfortunately words are only used merely to orchastrate pattern in movement..... This is the most common means of communicating. Again and again we dismiss the essence of communication. That said... let me also say this: I dont know how exactly to orchastrate pathethetic fallacy to somebody that is oblivious to someone elses existence.
This truely is one tough task to achieve.

Do


One current week I noticed that things were a little bit different. I came to notice a change in the flow of the air. Things were melancholy at worst. It was defined by the ominous tones of the weather patterns. Everyday it would be rain in a room in my heart... She would begin to notice the things that I would do for her one way or another. As she sat listening to what I had to say I whatched her as she wouldn't hear. I tried so desperately to penetrate her surface but found myself drowning in every attempt. Every pass I made at her to find some answers I would be less
and less shocked each time I turned over to find her sleeping.




On this night I went with her to a "social".... social? I found this to be pretty ironic as I sat there with her... So desperately I wanted to just communicate with her. Each passing attempt grew weaker as her material attractions ([irony]distractions[/irony]) grew stronger. Little did she realize that every look of compasion I made to her was dismissed. I had proceeded to kick this off with the typical "hey, how yea doin" - "not bad you" - "what have you been upto" ... The things people only seem to say to other people because they have to... because they are being forced to. (I.e helping to raise money for a wedding) This looked to me like what people percieve as "work", I'd sit there and take someone elses drunken binale minusha while someone else reaps the benefits( dont get me wrong...I'm alright with that as it was to a good cause.) The night proceeded to go of with a hitch just as was expected, and just as expected I sadly grew whimsical. She went off to dance with her friends as I sat there in the burning grass house that she sparked the match to.... "I'll just be a moment love" If only you could glimpse the many times Ive tried to get you to do more with me than just hold me. How is it possible to love someone so deeply but not be able ask them "would you like to dance with me instead of sitting there alone in the maze which I have created just for you because I love you so much". As I left the building I walked towards an ally way and stood in the rain for what felt like an eternity. I then went back in, grabbed my bag, headed towards the door and never looked back. She followed 5 minutes too late. Little did she realize how we stood in the doorway. The distractions would interfere right smack in between us. She kept motioning me to come over the other half of the doorway... She couldn't even come over to me and give me a hug. To her nothing had occured.. but to me my broken heart was emphasized superflously by the her by so close to me but miles away in unison. I tried not to make a scene as I felt I really didnt have to... it was already at its climax... As I motioned towards the car she sent me a sail with not a hug, or a kiss.... But an "I'll call you later."
.... A foreshadow which most definately adds insult to injury.





As I retraced the steps I so desperately tried to avoid, it became more clear that this is one thing that I can do nothing about. Once I regained a little bit of my strength that had been stolen from me that moment. I then decided I would walk miles and reflect on my feelings towards someone.
Someone that loves me so much that I couldnt delicately caress without being mocked.

As I walked along a beach that mended to the side of the road, I came upon a cat(It is said by the book of the dead that cats are vessels of lost souls due to straying off the path) He showed me a reflection of myself.... As he pressed himself aside my leg, I stopped to hear what he had to say...."I am a reflection of you." (this was only translated after the event that took place).
He pointed me in the direction of another... a love that was alluring. As she sontered around in the sand trying to gain his attention she was oblivious.... Oblivious that he had captivated all of his attention. Every last drop. As she distantly played around him, he looked at me, then headed off towards her. He tried to get close to her, but she rejected him with a swift "hiss" and a bat to his face. I looked sadly looked at the poor cat with the upmost empathy thinking: "it might aswell have been a wooden bat". This symbolism however was a bat in the face for me.

[Walking] I listened to one of the songs which perfectly described this story metaphysically(to merely sum things up in a nut-shell). This particular song which orcastrated my feelings towards her had been made into a perfect circle, then into a gift from me to her. This was a sine that she didn't care to understand as she had never really stopped to hear what the music had to offer[/irony] As the rain grew thicker hand-in-hand with the pathetic fallacy...

I remembered a poem I had made her that was cealed with what I had defined as: "They key to my heart". I realized that she had not used this key once... not metaphysically, where there are no words....just a soft and gentle score. Or physically, where I could only caress her so delicately before she became distant. (the symbolism was locked by the key's absence of use to ever unlock the door itself). I took the key away from her in a matter that I made obvious to see if she had cared at all about the symbolic key to my heart... needless to say, Weeks passed, and weeks dismissed.




Think




As I arrived upon my destination I wondered if my prediction to the earlier ominous foreshadow had come to pass... Had she cared enough to call me? I check the caller ID for a little overtone of proving me wrongness.... She hadn't called. Even though she said she would... she only furthered my detestation of her noticing nothing again. A realization that struck so painfully deep. The sines in the air circulate with the music.

At this point I was now at this point I am now.