Dynasty Soldiers Presents: Can`t Find My Soul


It can`t be found anywhere in this world
As I keep lookin, my life begins to unfurld
Cant noboady stop or anything like that
Life and Death are right now in combat
Shit, Life just got shot with a gat
My dead but livin Soul floats in heaven
I lived my whole life twenty four seven
But my dead body goes down below
Instead of bein a friend Im now a foe
I was once had a good life long ago
But I must move on as my soul is gone
I will make a new life once the day has drawn

Dynasty Soldiers Try Out at this link
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106844

first of i would lengthen ya bars a bit, add some more syllables, it will help the flow, also the scheme your using is too basic, add some internals and some nice wordplay, to spice it up.... also its too short, ya cant really get anything into it... keep working on it...

..Hmmm...this was weak..your flow was below average..wordplay was below average..and yes I agree with ^ lenghthen your bars a little..

IIGHT I`ve had enough of people bein negative with my open mics.........If u dont got anything good to say, DONT SAY ANYTHING!!!!!

How can you improve without first hearing what is wrong with your writtens?
I dont post here to get one line replys proclaiming "Yo this shit was off the hook nigga, peace,1" I post here so other more experienced heads can point out where im going wrong and how i can improve.Basically what dev said about sums it up, if you dont take any notice you will not elevate.

check this out and leave some feedback

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109162

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<center>Suicide inc.</center>