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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
06-09-05, 01:27 AM
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#1
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God is a Fable.
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Imperfections ... A Led Poetic and Valor Collab
IP: B7EE 6DD9
Me I am naked... heart and soul, I feel so vulnerable and broken turn away from me I cannot let you see my scars is it external, internal or a drift of my twisted memory? I try so hard to be all that is expected feeling lost, rejected.. Am I true to myself anymore or am I fading? A toy of their desires, their sincerity jading Intermittent patterns tracing confusion feeling helpless Fragmented sanity to fray reality clouding my mind I slip further into the unknowing and pray for myself I am nothing to them but a toy of sexual indiscretion Ignored mind while the hands betray the sanctity An object of prize no more a human of intellect Words twisted to defy meaning of depth and intention deadly Fake smiles with agenda hidden I can’t be what you wish me to be Starvation plaguing the strength within my veins Cuts tracing the once unblemished flesh to vomit frustration Laughing to hide the tears and crying to fight the fears Unable to stand alone for my spine splintered along the years Cemented to the pedestal and raped of my self respect Images drought the barren emotions from abuse and neglect Can you not see I will not be claimed by likes of you? My heart is broken but held together by another’s fingertips I am not a doll that can be sculpted to your fantasy My flesh is not your palate to touch and taste then throw away My eyes cannot be shattered and blocked from the truth You cannot get deep inside me without vengeance unearthed I grow weary of being used as your whore And you shall never see me breaking My smile will hide the aching ..I’ve lost myself. Valor Sick emotions have me comptiplating suicide.. Stressing of being a screw up, my feelings i can no longer hide.. Its a fact, Seems i can do no better with my actions.. Until i hit a non-error level ill feel no satisfaction.. People judging others on what they do and how they live there lifes.. Acting like its not okay to do wrong like its not right.. People treating others like drunk men treat there women.. Acting like if you make one mistake your not human. But who gives them the right to play god.. Telling others whats right or wrong i find quite odd.. Thoughts going through my mind like shredded chedder.. Just wishing the things i could of done better.. (Pauses and thinks to him self) If i could really take back anything, i reckon ----- Id most likely probably change my wrongfull doings in a second.. Just to get by in this world that excepts no imperfection. |
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06-09-05, 01:37 AM
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#2
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DaTrus Is A Bitch!
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IP: 2E7E 4D00
[CENTER]
Led Poetic Your Verse Was The Best of The Two. Your Imagery and Emotion Was Incredible. I Loved The Structure of Your Verse As Well..It Felt Like A Real Touching Poetic Piece To Me. I Definitly Got Into It After The First Line and Just Kept Reading. It Was So Intimate and Personal... Valor, Yours Hit More As A Song Style Which Really Took Away From The Poetical Feel. If This Was A Collaboration for Just For A Song This Woulda Worked, but You Shoulda Kept The Same Direction As Poetic. Neways...Your Piece Was Overall Nice As Well, Nice Rhythem and Your Vocab Wasn't Bad. Felt Your Emotion As Well. Next Time Just Both of Your Pick Your Structure and Style and Stick With It All The Way Through and You'll Have A Solid Ass Drop. Nice Collaboration...Look Forward To A Follow Up With Your Mistakes Fixed. ~R~ |
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06-09-05, 02:09 AM
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#3
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leave you rest'n pz's
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IP: 7A28 7D1E
poetic-your piece was packed with emotion n imagery,
it was a goo poetic read liked your vocab, i was fitting in well n wasnt to complex to get your aspects of writing across.......good drop...good read. . valor-i liked the fact you kept a formatted style even thou it didnt fit all that well as a collab it did with your direction n the way you protrayed your piece... stay up, this was a nice read....goo'job to both..
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i'll play on ya consience, ya contents is complete nonsense
speak of biting, then you fucks flip everyone of my damn concepts what the fuck, was you high..? did you think i wouldn't recognize lines that i made then you come up some bullshit tryna prove that im gay...! . . fake fucks..move on...! |
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06-10-05, 11:07 AM
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#4
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God is a Fable.
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IP: B7EE 6DD9
Uppin for more feedback... daz and lay much appriciated feedback
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06-10-05, 11:33 AM
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#5
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Odi et Amo
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IP: C9A2 1C80
I like how you both have different styles, I feel this gives an extra touch to the piece you know because a collab gets boring quite quickly if both writers have same style.
Both verses were packed with pure and raw emotion, excellent imagery and just deep, insightful words. I love the concept you guys are using because today you gotta look like a fucking model or w/e to get noticed, act or dress a certain way to get respect. My heart is broken but held together by another’s fingertips I am not a doll that can be sculpted to your fantasy My flesh is not your palate to touch and taste then throw away My eyes cannot be shattered and blocked from the truth ^my favo lines without a doubt, I could relate to this shit (unfortunately)
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Authentik Intelligence  ...The future is mine... |
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06-11-05, 01:08 AM
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#6
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C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
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IP: 358B 6BE5
just like always.. my hommies writting great pieces... y is it ya never write worst than me?? damn ya.. lol Lyrical Terrorist!! werd!! memories ya.. but yea..
i really liked both of ya pieces.. the emotion was just amazing on both verses.. the topic was creative.. n something no one has done before so props on that..the imagery was excellent as always.. iono wut else to say.. just plain amazing.. much props. from your hommie- Dabatos/I. Mind/NoLost4Rhymes/Hope/Atmosphere/..::ingenius Mind::.. werd. lol
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www.FG-Servers.com    |
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06-11-05, 05:20 PM
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#7
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Bone is gay.
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IP: 1E83 559A
Word that shit was dope to the 3rd power
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06-15-05, 01:59 AM
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#8
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God is a Fable.
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IP: 133C 7AC8
bump this shit.
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06-15-05, 06:31 PM
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#9
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP: 0825 899A
wow, nice collab guys, you both showed two different styles but they meshed well together in this piece, both had nice emotion and vocab, i can't say who was better because you both bring different aspects to the piece to compliment it, nice job!.1
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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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06-26-05, 05:02 AM
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#10
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
upiing thanks for the love yall......honestly
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Crhyme Sindicate
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06-27-05, 01:37 AM
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#11
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
bump bump bump.
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Crhyme Sindicate
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06-27-05, 02:01 AM
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#12
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Poet's Daughter.
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IP: 6E28 0B26
Me I am naked... heart and soul, I feel so vulnerable and broken turn away from me I cannot let you see my scars is it external, internal or a drift of my twisted memory? I try so hard to be all that is expected feeling lost, rejected.. Am I true to myself anymore or am I fading? A toy of their desires, their sincerity jading Intermittent patterns tracing confusion feeling helpless Fragmented sanity to fray reality clouding my mind I slip further into the unknowing and pray for myself I am nothing to them but a toy of sexual indiscretion Ignored mind while the hands betray the sanctity An object of prize no more a human of intellect Words twisted to defy meaning of depth and intention deadly Fake smiles with agenda hidden I can’t be what you wish me to be Starvation plaguing the strength within my veins Cuts tracing the once unblemished flesh to vomit frustration Laughing to hide the tears and crying to fight the fears Unable to stand alone for my spine splintered along the years Cemented to the pedestal and raped of my self respect Images drought the barren emotions from abuse and neglect Can you not see I will not be claimed by likes of you? My heart is broken but held together by another’s fingertips I am not a doll that can be sculpted to your fantasy My flesh is not your palate to touch and taste then throw away My eyes cannot be shattered and blocked from the truth You cannot get deep inside me without vengeance unearthed I grow weary of being used as your whore And you shall never see me breaking My smile will hide the aching ..I’ve lost myself. -I like your piece this was overall decent...The emotion was good, the imagination was decent. THe approach came at this topic was decent. Nice style. And your Words was forming to great meta'z..Making the imaginary more advance than ever. Your vocab was balance and i like that in a poet...This was overall a decent verse from you. Valor Sick emotions have me comptiplating suicide.. Stressing of being a screw up, my feelings i can no longer hide.. Its a fact, Seems i can do no better with my actions.. Until i hit a non-error level ill feel no satisfaction.. People judging others on what they do and how they live there lifes.. Acting like its not okay to do wrong like its not right.. People treating others like drunk men treat there women.. Acting like if you make one mistake your not human. But who gives them the right to play god.. Telling others whats right or wrong i find quite odd.. Thoughts going through my mind like shredded chedder.. Just wishing the things i could of done better.. (Pauses and thinks to him self) If i could really take back anything, i reckon ----- Id most likely probably change my wrongfull doings in a second.. Just to get by in this world that excepts no imperfection. -Nice Imaginary, i felt your emotion could've been better (In my opinion) But i felt the emotion anyway..The vocab needs to be better. But the strongest aspect from your verse was the imaginary. The Approach you took at this topic was too known...When i looked at the topic "Imperfection"..I knew it was going be about "judging", come creative....But overall this was a good piece
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mystery Is a Freak!! ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life. Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8 ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do. Smartone Freal:  ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u Smartone Freal: ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged* |
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08-12-05, 11:48 AM
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#13
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God is a Fable.
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IP: B7EE 6DD9
thanks tweet... much appriciated man
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08-12-05, 11:49 AM
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#14
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God is a Fable.
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IP: B7EE 6DD9
upp this shit....
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08-13-05, 03:44 AM
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#15
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A Reflection Of The Past
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IP: 2029 97B3
btw people this was an old collab.....im talking about maybe a year old
hopefully me and my longtime friend Flash will bring you a new and approwved collab soon
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Crhyme Sindicate
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