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02-16-04, 12:54 PM
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#1
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Banned: Spamming
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..Broken Dreams..(Short Story)-{Take Your Time and Read)
IP: 4577 CD9A
She stared at the dripping windows pain
Waiting for the regular taxi’s and miscalculated rain Stumps holding soar birds gentle cries, and devils rise and red skies blood shot eyes Left to cities bright glares, giving dirty looks to the uglies deepening sighs She was a recluse off a doorframe to a door to steps leading to a dark cavern of black velvet coverage Where jazz notes played to early morning sore wrists and caffeine’s leverage She pulled the stumps to her faces deep blonde beauty Cut off from the world because of a fairy tales dirty obscenity Bitter tears fell from scarf cloaked blue shaped eyes, Cinderella… lovely girl had it made Wishes, again, to be someone you aren’t, forget the patterned days bargains paid She pulled the smooth cashmeres soft lips to her sodden arms Taking gloves to protect recent ends implied with Asop psalms She felt steps walk on her souls as she entered the life of a city showered in respite Newts Port, the name askew from those who didn’t sip words through the written light The rain licked frantically at the outside shadows of buildings, whisking down their anticlimatical surface Pulling at the dripping sensations down the red brick building of the palace She bought a paper artifact from Rip Van Winkle, change exchanging He silently knows of her severed limbs, and their reclaimed stature, so he remains quiet and unwrinkling She hides her face in the scarf, passing the guards outside They mock her devils work of missing appendages and she runs stepping in puddles embrace to hide Her woolen feet bundled in existence, it was in this forest that her being became revived She set up the simple table, on the chalked sidewalk and graffiti tags Placing her life’s possessions over a marked scribble of “Cheshire”, her blackened eyes missed the flag Shivering tighter into leaping hearts from nervous laughter surrounding she began to write A slow poem that the rain loved to spite It lapped at her handwriting drizzling its happy laughter around her perfect words No one would read it so it didn’t really matter anyway her compositions were her caged birds With a crack suddenly, her small table whipped into her jaw Confused she began with wide eyes, forming edged dew drops, her knees flesh torn raw The infamous Cat looked at her with putrid disgust forming around his spit-infested lips He cursed at her and stabbed into her 7 words, “This is my territory you handless bitch” “Can’t you read?” he blew the pointed words into her streaming eyes, “The Cat claimed this spot, long before you arrived.” He hissed into her perfect white ear, “Be gone or you won’t be missing just your hands…” Crying with hiccuped sobs she ran against the wind, gathering her few things to flee from this cruel man She fell and ran and fell again into the lifeless, collecting dirt Blinded by mingling salt and water, bloody holes scraped into her skirt Tripping through Snow Blvd, and landing up in pain and regret on White Ave. She hid inside a trees deep wooden embrace, allowing her eyes to search its oaken figure for a secure cue Her breathing hissed in and out of her lungs, choking each time like glass shards interwoven in her throat She weeped again on her handless arms clinging to the solace the flickering air brought Nodding her head against the solid hand of fingers weaving to her back Staring at the sky she remembered her family the devils early morning attack Looking down, embracing laces found her eye, a rope was toiling with the painful weather as well Slowly standing, pictures formed their way into her brain, her heart began to swell The course acceptation of this man made article found its way into a noose Slowly, she removed her self, stripping away her articles of living clothing, with eyes wide, wild, and loose Holding the rope in her hand she followed the trees picturesque life of brown manhood Climbing gradually, feeling life as she had never been able to breathe, her closed lungs speaking fluid She let her hair fall into her face, her clothing tore into the trees gentle branches Tying the gradual formation of splicing twines happy kisses against her neck, leaving tiny red glances Her brown perfect feet stopped… slowly, looking over the tops of the trees She licked her lips, their fullness bleeding to her clenching teeth, she let go of the words Watching the woman, the blonde woman in the window… Cinderella naked, laughing She gave herself to that moment, and stepped off the sonic pounding stars shooting As the little wisps of blossom engulfing lips, nipped the souls of her feet A life fell into her open arms, and it wasn’t hers, she watched a continuity of a dreams cheat The oasis of smiles, and thorns burned to grounds sipped her life away In nothingness, I exist… she thought, but the words came slow, and her rope began to fray Tightly the bosom of the breaking glass of death held her in its sweet brush The gentle breeze swayed her dying trunk of trickling life, streaming its way to her cheeks dying flush… One syrupy tears little hand followed the contours of her sweet face It watched her skins white picture perfect lace It fell to her feet, and happily joined its raining families fast pace Crumpled to the ground and left the empty body banging against a hollowed trees crying embrace. Last edited by Penskills : 02-16-04 at 12:55 PM. Reason: Tite |
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02-16-04, 01:03 PM
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#2
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Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Geeeeeeezus christ, this was some long ass shit =P
But a good paiting u pictured, .. w/ a dope story line!..kept me reading, .. & ur flowwas on point, due the inners & multisnot much but they were there when needed, . She licked her lips, their fullness bleeding to her clenching teeth, she let go of the words Watching the woman, the blonde woman in the window… Cinderella naked, laughing She gave herself to that moment, and stepped off the sonic pounding stars shooting As the little wisps of blossom engulfing lips, nipped the souls of her feet A life fell into her open arms, and it wasn’t hers, she watched a continuity of a dreams cheat Liked this, .. very very dope, & its a solid read.. + its dope it enjoyed me, props.
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Fuck you |
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02-16-04, 01:05 PM
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#3
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
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^Thanks Eddy!...I know it's a bit long...I think it came out very well...Thanks...  |
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02-16-04, 01:07 PM
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#4
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I Used To Pray
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IP: C981 E40F
wow....i read another one of your frickin essays...its kinda like eating candy corn in the sence your like hey look pen dropped again lets see it then bam you see how long it is but you cant stop yourself because its candy but it tastes like corn...well now. This was an amazing peice i love your imagination and your skill to keep me interested throughout the whole story...some lines kinda blew by me but thats just because im not at your level of thinking...great peice, faily long but worth the read...good luck man
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Corrupted Visions |
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02-16-04, 01:09 PM
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#5
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Flyweight
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IP: 22F5 A53D
The oasis of smiles, and thorns burned to grounds sipped her life away
In nothingness, I exist… she thought, but the words came slow, and her rope began to fray Good imaginery...Good storytelling...I found the flow awkward, but it tended to straighten out later on...Very long piece...I did skip a bit of it...But had to return to get the full effect. What voacab! Nice piece...9/10
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MC Murdera'   (RB's "ill" MCs)Otherwise known as Artikulate |
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02-16-04, 01:12 PM
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#6
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Drop Of Genius
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IP: DF7B C8F7
When you said short story I didnt expect this....
Dope piece. Creativity, vocab, flow was all up to par. You got a good chance of gettin into Legends with this piece. Good work |
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02-16-04, 01:15 PM
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#7
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
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^LOL..thanks for taking your tiem to read this!  |
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02-16-04, 01:18 PM
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#8
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"The Eleete"
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IP: 3C42 2871
Daaaaaaaaaamn Pen, this shit was long.....but the way you portrayed the picture through your words was great!....this was a great story, an the way you told it made it that much better......all in all it was a dope piece.....like always your flow was there (flawlessly)......good shit Pen keep it up......peace!
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02-16-04, 01:18 PM
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#9
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
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^Thank you-Thank you~ I will personaly thank every one who reads this! |
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02-16-04, 01:21 PM
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#10
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
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^I'm Humbled.... |
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02-16-04, 01:44 PM
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#11
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Guest
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IP: 7A38 2D7B
'essay?' damn straight, but if i was grading it, i'd give it an A*! yeah, really cool story, your vocab is like woah..cool, i didn't think it was a piece to be rhymed, more a piece to be told..i dunno, i guess you could work it from that angle, like spoken poetry..
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02-16-04, 01:47 PM
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#12
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
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^Thanks..Dork |
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02-16-04, 03:35 PM
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#13
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4779 5259
..Uppin....^^
I really want this to be read... |
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02-16-04, 03:46 PM
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#14
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Sane Scientist
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IP: 6142 D2A2
The best lines in my opinion :
“She fell and ran and fell again into the lifeless, collecting dirt Blinded by mingling salt and water, bloody holes scraped into her skirt Tripping through Snow Blvd, and landing up in pain and regret on White Ave. She hid inside a trees deep wooden embrace, allowing her eyes to search its oaken figure for a secure cue” Great story line pretty long it said short story …but I guess it was to you. Nice very nice unique concepts. Reminds of dreams I have. I wonder do You have abstract weird dreams? Anyways nice drop as usual keep it up Peace. |
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02-16-04, 03:49 PM
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#15
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Da KiNg Of PwNaGe
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IP: D154 1BD3
ya very long...but very good too. Reminded me of 'The Raven' by Edgar Allan Poe for sum reason....at least the beginning...your use oj adjectives were good....Excellant imagry....Flow wasn't there all the time...but in a peice like this it didn't really matter....Your vocab is also very good...this would be a dope short store...
Good up...Keep doin it like ya doin |
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