Round 1

10 Line Min.
20 Line Max.
Due: Tuesday, September 2nd.


Topic: Price Of Recognition

__________________
<center><br>
- The End -
Original Rb Admin
And Still Watching Over You. <br> <img src=http://home.houston.rr.com/tacofox/epenis222.gif></img><br> -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better-

I appear to be in................
thats a hard topic you got there B

lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die!
woot woot!

^ If you would have gave me a minute you would have seen I was editing every thread to add topics.. smartass..

__________________
Life isn't a bitch...
she's just sick of being personified -Sage Francis

hmm uh im lost lol uh im here si wateva g'luck understatement
and dam wats recognition agaian?........................................... ......

okay well it wont be long but oh well


All this time i tried to be recongnized
i never thought bout being look upon in a smaller size
but it was everythin to me to be like them
i felt like da stuffed animal on the side with its eye off the sem
along the rode there were sum problems
but being recongnized i never minded who solved them
i craved the attention it was wat i fed off of
it was like a being a animal caged up like a dove
not being able to fully spread wings an be above
traped for over in feeding frenzy
after a lil while i relized the wouldnt defend me
i lost my friends for sumthan i dreamed
and whenever i tried to talk to them theyd walk away steamed
never thought it would ever happen
now im wishin that this power didnt fatten


man i wasnt sure wat it was but i tried so u gotta gimmi credit for that

addiction to music, abuse it, penetrate the notes..
probing deeper with every voice, high as false hopes..
every song a homonym of a predecessing tune..
each lyric a shadow of doubt, still seemingly amune..
lighthearted anthems showing every penny spent..
tickling chords of progress, paying off more than rent..
setting blazes in the hearts of listeners, with dry ice..
soul missing in each fret, strung out in with every vice..
diversity in taste, regurgitating our bars of filth..
but there none the less, out of work, so we will..
work out every dime, landmines, riffing overtime..
can you read the sign? music and God are intertwined..
Let everyone see your words, read verses, bars, staffs..
try to buy back your soul? Guaranteed, Lucy just laughs..

don't pay for your wealth, enjoy it before Earth is too old..
For The Price Of Recognition Will Forever Be Your Soul..

there dude, I matched you...I think?

All this time i tried to be recongnized
i never thought bout being look upon in a smaller size
but it was everythin to me to be like them
i felt like da stuffed animal on the side with its eye off the sem
along the rode there were sum problems
but being recongnized i never minded who solved them
i craved the attention it was wat i fed off of
it was like a being a animal caged up like a dove
not being able to fully spread wings an be above
traped for over in feeding frenzy
after a lil while i relized the wouldnt defend me
i lost my friends for sumthan i dreamed
and whenever i tried to talk to them theyd walk away steamed
never thought it would ever happen
now im wishin that this power didnt fatten


^Good Verse Structure, Flow Was A Bit Off At Times..
Verse Didn't Seen To Have Alot Of Heart Put Into It..
Try Adding More Descriptive Instances And Words..
A Few Times The Verse Lost My Attention.. And I
Had To Restart, Try To Write A Story That Draws You In...
And The Whole Closer, Did Not Really Make Sense..
Favorite Bar: All this time i tried to be recongnized
i never thought bout being look upon in a smaller size



addiction to music, abuse it, penetrate the notes..
probing deeper with every voice, high as false hopes..
every song a homonym of a predecessing tune..
each lyric a shadow of doubt, still seemingly amune..
lighthearted anthems showing every penny spent..
tickling chords of progress, paying off more than rent..
setting blazes in the hearts of listeners, with dry ice..
soul missing in each fret, strung out in with every vice..
diversity in taste, regurgitating our bars of filth..
but there none the less, out of work, so we will..
work out every dime, landmines, riffing overtime..
can you read the sign? music and God are intertwined..
Let everyone see your words, read verses, bars, staffs..
try to buy back your soul? Guaranteed, Lucy just laughs..
don't pay for your wealth, enjoy it before Earth is too old..
For The Price Of Recognition Will Forever Be Your Soul..


Wow Man, Deep Verse, Flow Fell Off Also In This A Couple Times..
I Felt You Put More Heart And Feeling Into Yours Then U.Ben Did..
It Kept Me Captivated Throughout..
Favorite Bar : work out every dime, landmines, riffing overtime..
can you read the sign? music and God are intertwined..

^Just OverAll A Beautiful Work Of Art, Getting My Vote..

Vote: Understatement/ ..Jack Hanna..

Uben~
Not a bad verse for someone who wasn't sure what 'recognition' was..I agree with Sureal, you could have put a little more emotion and descriptiveness into it, but you still hit on some key points and had some lines that really showed what kind of things the speaker was going through.

:but it was everythin to me to be like them
i felt like da stuffed animal on the side with its eye off the sem

That was by FAR my favorite line..the first part touching on an important aspect of the theme of "recognition"..being like "them"..and the second part just with great imagery, I loved that comparison.

:i lost my friends for sumthan i dreamed

I liked that line also, good point made..
I didnt particularly like the way you ended it, I thought the wording was just kind of awkward, coulda been said better, and also could have been more conclusive, It kinda just left you hanging...But this wasn't at all a bad piece..Nice interpretation of the topic, you made a lot of good references thru-out, just some minor improvements could have been made. Nice job and effort tho.
Overall, I give this piece a 7.

Understatement/Jack Hanna~
Whoa Buddy..If you would have wrote a verse like that when you were battling me last tourny, you might have just won! (well no, but it was really good....jk) GREAT, great portrayal of the "price of recognition" in your verse...

:setting blazes in the hearts of listeners, with dry ice..
soul missing in each fret, strung out in with every vice..

^Incredible line right there. Many lines like this one thru-out the entire piece..The ending was really powerful, perfect way to conclude and leave the reader in awe. You surely did the concept of recognition and relating it to the abuse of music, justice. I was really impressed. Nice job man.
Overall, I give this verse a 9

Since Understatement's verse scored higher by my standards,
He will recieve my vote..Uben, great verse tho, you added to the talent in this thread.

VOTE: UNDERSTATEMENT/ JACK HANNA