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Check..........

|Conscience is the inner voice that warns us that someone might be looking.|

Firing neurons and synapses, the brain collapses and lapses...
intrigued by... foreign stimuli from that nice guy creating a racket.
I'm here for a meal... salmon ala mode garnished with dirty habits,
As I pollute my body with fats, it's not just a hunger run rampant,
but a way to drown fate I reminisce over a mistress who has a name,
that refuses to resonate throughout neither my throat nor ribcage.
It creates pain through my cerebrum and tattered, battered cortex,
spinning in this windy city like the decrepit trash caught in a vortex.
Shoving crumpets down my maw, working my jaw with ferocity,
calories igniting memories speeding through my mind in high velocity,
I wonder why I ever thought...
that the nice guy finishes last,
leaving old flags for now widowed wives on weather-worn doormats,
then despite all the warnings, I'd run then return to take advantage,
planting the seeds of deceit that thrive on the needs of the planet...
Sleeping with these women, after I deliver a hope-crushing message,
I once was so light on my feet, but this world now seems so heavy...
Flourishing on envy, remembering how I had forced children to watch,
as I corrupted and tainted the sainted maiden they call their mom.
My newfound morals rebel against me, speak the undeniable truth,
unrelenetless in their assault, forcing me to retire to my lonely room,
permeated with forlorn gloom, each of my belts now utterly useless,
all covered in nocks, they remind me of the starry sky now moonless.
I remembered being on top of the world, but it's true that it rotates,
and if someone is watching me...well then...
it's not with any new hate.

"I love food," screams the masochistic dolores-skull, shoving birdseed into his nostrils and yelling simultaneously with a thousand dead parrots.

FIN.

God
.
God tested himself with a dissatisfied mind of imagination
Contemplated highly-rated traits for his planned creation
A grand sensation was traced at a face that resembled his
And so with a stained plate of jade he slowly assembled it
The reflection of perfection had manifested God’s image
A metallic status was spawned upon the robot’s grimace
Instead of a birthed servant he felt worthy of domination
Portrayed shades of hate that not even God could station
Then he commanded demands that God refused to abide
So the plagued rages engaged to see who would subside

Rivalry Rises

The immortal corporal’s fought with a countless prowess
Untied high-ranged exchanges of unbroken potent powers
The hours of fate elevated to a stage that surpassed eternity
Yet neither soul was close to stall the halls of an infirmary
The Bot bolted assaults to God whom returned his advances
The massive masses crashed to be the last with the chances
Suddenly like Lucifer the metal settled, diminishing its lust
And then in an instant it ended with God’s finishing touch
He mocked his own test destroying the pawn that infringed
The rivaled supremacy in image of him to God was a synch
.
Machine

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CH:

dope verse. Good wordplay the imagery was pretty good. Not much emotion but then again thats hard to do with the topic you chose. Ive seen better from you but yet ive seen worse also. Good verse in all.


Overall: 6.5/10


Ion W Yuu:

Good verse from you as well more than i expected. But your verse lacked the emotion. It was like you had the plot in mind but the words didnt come together well. The woprdplay was good and the spots where you used imagery was good but your verse just wasnt consistent enough

Overall: 6/10


Vote: Crazy Hades

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RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

i didn't really like either verse here....i liked ion's direction, the rivarly, thought it was cool.... but to me it didn't really seem like you capitalized on it, there wasn't much material to keep me interested and entertained....but it wasn't bad

A grand sensation was traced at a face that resembled his
And so with a stained plate of jade he slowly assembled it

that was my fav line, it flowed well too, just didn't hit for me beyond the structure of it, might've been cool audio

hmm, crazy, i couldn't really get into yours fully, mainly because some lines seemed outta place with the overall progression of the piece....and it just seems like you tried too hard to make this really intelligent, ehhh, too much vocab can often take away appeal and effectiveness of the message you want to get across.....nothing against you if you talk like this on a normal day to day basis, but overall, this was interesting and was enough to get the win, good job

then despite all the warnings, I'd run then return to take advantage,
planting the seeds of deceit that thrive on the needs of the planet..

fav line...keep up to both

v/crazy

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Well, I don't talk in rhyme on a day to day basis either. 2-0, upping.