stop fakin this shit real,
i spit ill ,
so i got a sick feel,
everybody wanna be hard like whats the big deal
eatin on the streets but i aint got a big deal
dead inside now i know how pac and big feel
ill smoke you so you can know how a cig feel
that means you get killed
when i say mines was harder i aint talkin bout the way my dick feel,
bitches dont be in love they just be in lust with the way my dick feel


how you a g and you claim you a shooter
but the people you bang wit bang there trigger finger on the computer
i win in the war youd be the the looser
probably only go in the hood so you can write about it on your computer
claimin your a gangsta.. you cant even kill on a beat
youd be the type that would claim you a gangsta then get killed on the street
i know dudes that got killed on the streets
so stop fakin cause its real on the streets






http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...d=1#post3191415
http://www.community.rapverse.com/s...ad.php?t=244579

I'm only counting one of those links, one line feedbacks don't appeal much to me ^

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There was nothing impressive in this open mic at all. The entire first portion of it had the majority of the lines ending in the word feel which brought nothing positive to the verse. I wanted to quit reading like 3 lines in but I figured I'd get a good laugh. Try again dude.

there was nothing impressive about this Open Mic like Red said man elavate then go back to it. shit wasnt that good i mean at times when u said stuff you coulda said shit and worded it alot better.

one word....Terrible.

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A LIFE OF CHRYME

^another reason why this site is dead. try giving some constructive criticism.

okay. rather then use the word "feel" to finish off each of your lines; try improving your vocabulary and your internal flow. this means use bigger, more complex words and dont only rhyme at the end of each bar. for example,

the bolded words are internals:

My rhymes are complex they'll leave you perplexed
I come to expect you'll have your intellect flexed

another thing that stuck out to me was your structure. your bars were choppy and it hurt your flow. try to make your lines have a more consistent syllable count throughout.

that's all i have time to criticize at the moment. if you want to collab pm me. keep dropping pieces and i'll continue to comment on them. pz

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get attached to a rolling stone and you're libel to get crushed..

wiley d you need to elevate a little bit more...you sound like me in 06. Hold on...I'll find a link later...
Try keeping all your verses around the same length, with an exception for the last line (optional) for when you deliver the punchline.

when i say mines was harder i aint talkin bout the way my dick feel,
bitches dont be in love they just be in lust with the way my dick feel

^This bar is what made the verse fall off, if you made it the same length as your first few verses it would sound me dope and flow better...this is called structure i'll edit your verse.



top fakin this shit real,
i spit ill ,
so i got a sick feel,
everybody wanna be hard like whats the big deal
eatin on the streets but i aint got a big deal
dead inside now i know how pac and big feel
ill smoke you so you can know how a cig feel
that means you get killed up in the ditch field
when i say mines was harder i aint talkin bout the way my dick feel,

This is just my opinion, I'm not sayin' you should switch styles straight off the bat, but just experiment with other peoples critism and see if it suits you, if not then keep trying until your dope mc.

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