Alpha, nice bro. Your rhyme scheme was on point and you def a good writer. But here's what I wasn't feeling, how you sounded all smart and intellectual and profound and shit, all high and mighty, and then you would go back to using slang or say "lame" and it just seemed weird to see it mixed in with your verse. Also I thought you fell off but you really caught back on in the end of your verse and put a good lesson out there for people to think about. However as I said you are obviously a good writer but I think this topic wasn't for you, because at some points how you went about it seemed kind of weak to me, they just lacked that power and hard hittingness that makes you stop and think, it was more like filler just put there to carry the verse on and lead us to the message rather then build it up ya feel me? Cuz we all understood what was up as soon as you stared on the topic, it was predictable, but you sort of just kept it going at the same level the whole way through, you didn't build it up really hard. Therefore i'd have to say you got the goods you just need to work on building it up aight.

vs.

Civil nice verse, see the beggining of your verse was fucking dope bro, because the way you played it in the story how you had no idea what was going on, what was happening, all the confusion, you didn't know why the police were there; well you made the reader feel those same exact emotions. We didn't know why the police were there and we were wondering, it was suspensfull and you built it up great. Then once you built it up you took no time to just deliver the punch right away "your parents died". That was good, hard hitting, short and hard hitting, let us know right away. Unfortunatly I thought you fell off at the end, your flow was odd kind of switching between two different styles of flow in the same verse not keeping the same one which made it seem odd, the structure would shift up somtimes making it seem like there was 2 different styles at once. Quit saying "seriously" it sounds weird and takes away from your verse bro. There wasn't any hard hitting ending, it was all just ok what is he gonna think now type shit, whats he gonna feel, no message no more hard hitting thought provoking lines, no more suspense, the story didn't continue. It was generic at the end to me, thought it was hard hitting due to the sheer topic.

For this I think Alpha got it, but just by a little. I think Civil really had something good going but I just wasnt digging the second part of that verse.

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