sup, yall im gettin so fuckin static/
dat i kick ur ass n beat tha shit outta u so u become nomadic/
tha death of u wont b so tragic, as the death of me beein tragic/
making u go Poof! into the freezin depths of the lake wit magic/
bitch move outta dis station/
and move to tha next installation/
cuz u aint wanna be heard on dis station/
cuz u n embaressment to tha whole rap nation/
mayne u aint gratuated, i've already reached tha point of rap graduation/
pay attention during tha time ur readin this, which will b a long duration/
my checks ain been cashed, cuz i got so much money, i don need no cashin/
i be wildin out, fuckas poppin shit, i'll have my arms thrashin/
why do u think law enforcement agencies, put da signs that say CAUTION/
all ova my body, cuz they kno im a part of the gangsta nation/

I'm new, so give me sum feedback.

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yo man i dont know what to say about this let me break it down:

STRUCTURE: very bad, u need to up on structure...make each line end at the same spot either add or take words out and use creative wordplay

Multies: Multies is what you need to make your rhyme flow better and be more enjoyable to read...im assuming you know how to do that...if not p/m me and ill help u out

VOCAB:your vocab was kinda played....u used big words that didnt go wit the rhyme.....for ex:
"why do u think law enforcement agencies, put da signs that say CAUTION/
all ova my body, cuz they kno im a part of the gangsta nation/"

no multis no rhyme scheme.....and ur lines is to stretched out...no hate just given proper feed. up on all that and ull be iight....1

RTF ON MY SIG LINKS

aiight man, thanks fo the feedback, i don take ne feedback seriously so yea.

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