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04-29-04, 10:45 PM | #1 | ||||
yawn
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The Mind travels
IP: 06D4 9403
My mind walks all by itself,
a thought escapes and dwindles down. Fall to the ground and left behind, to fade away through another travelers time. My legs move on with the passion it had, fronted by abstract thoughts. My eyes watch the dirt slide past my feet, as chances have slid by me. My body gives from the exaustion, my imagination dies with my lost intuition. A moment to clarify, A moment to me. Sort through these delusive thoughts, Find the what they mean. I had a reason to be here, something that kept me on. I needed something beside me, something that is gone. I stare at the glimmering lake under my face, I explore my mind to find a trace. But nothing is found, silent toture expressed aloud. Fall face first, let my emotion drowned a short one, with a on and off rhyme scheme... Please dont judge on flow...it is a poem.
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04-30-04, 08:30 PM | #2 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
feedback and ill get to yours.
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05-01-04, 06:48 PM | #3 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
up.
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05-01-04, 09:09 PM | #4 | |||||
Guarenteed a positivie
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IP: F37A EC89
damn another clean one from lot good work "im lovin it"
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05-02-04, 10:57 PM | #5 | ||||
New to RB
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IP: ED60 D851
nicely done
i liked the imagery. it seemed as if you werent clear as to where to take the poem, it skipped around on different thoughts. or maybe thats what you wanted. either way it was well written. favorite lines: "But nothing is found, silent toture expressed aloud" |
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05-03-04, 09:13 PM | #6 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
yeah... confusion was really what i was getting at. Thanks for the feedback... Up
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05-04-04, 08:56 PM | #7 | ||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 75F5 BDD1
I like how you integrated all the specifics in without it being awkward. free up.
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05-04-04, 09:27 PM | #8 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: 3A34 F752
It was good.I liked it.Flows aint what its about im definatly feelin it.
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05-04-04, 10:06 PM | #9 | ||||
yawn
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IP: 06D4 9403
thanks up
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do your research. |
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