What is Beauty?


I will never know, my world seems Crashed as i seek 2 know//

I try and see if beauty is in me, My Self esteem CruShed when men dont see it in me//

Maybe i dont look like Hally Berry or Vivica A. Fox//
Or i dont have a Sweet Sensual voice as Debrah Cox//
Truth Or not I try to mold my self into something im not//

If only you could Visualize my inner Beauty


I look into the mirrow and see a girl so Hurt
Mad at the Fact niggaz wanna treat me Like Durt
I have Feeling too! Shyt Cant Ya Realize that
Maybe i dont meet the standards of your Beauty
But Some Day ill find the guy who'll accept me
And Set my Stress Free

Let me know

What is Beauty

.....

HMM....THIS WAS DEEP 2 ME....FROM WHAT I GOIN THRU...SO UHHH BEAR WIT ME

THUANKZ!

hmm, to be honest i didnt like the poem. the reason being that its too simple. the rhymes werent that good and sum seemed forced. the message was alright but i find it overplayed(which is not nessecarilly a bad thing, since i do like repition). the vocab was also too simple, you should up ure vocab, use a thesaurus, anything thatll help. i can see signs of u becoming better cause u do got emotion and it seems that u are willing to become better. so overall

vocab:too simple

rhymes:simple and not very steady

structure:weak, but im not gonna be a judge of structure couse everyone writes in their own way.

message:good overall but overused

emotion:even tho the poem isnt that good itself i can still feel alot of emotion.

final thoughts:it was alright, but not very good. i can see signs of u gettin better so keep it up till u do.

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AAA THANKS


MY SHYT IS HELLA BETTER THEN THAT....IM JUST NOT FEELIN MY SELF NOW...SO.....YEA

ULL SEE IN FUTURE POEMS


THANKSSSSS

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<font color=red><b><font size=3>
<center>.:. BooChine.:.

CatCh yall asses on mY LATEST TRACK//
"Internet Rappers Spittin Garbage Raps"//
Cop Dat SinGle...Hoe...hehe lol...>>>>>>...SoThiCkWitIt...<<<<<<<img src=http://mi7.bpcdn.us/Chocalite_KiWi/b745.jpg>

TASHA SUP GYRL STOP PUTTIN URSELF IN POSTIONS WITH THESE WACK NIGGS STAY LO AND GET U SOMEONE THATS RIGHT FOR U JUS B CHILLED HOLLLA

Pretty much everything that L.A.STR~E~TZ said. He knows what he's talking about.

Not J Mindz though. I've never met him, but I can tell from his post in this thread that he is an idiot who knows not what he speaks of. What I mean by that is, I'm sure J Mindz is a great guy and all. But so is this forum. And it's rather uncalled for to insult it. But, with ego checked at door, I'm sure he's a good guy and I'd easily get along with him. As long as he obeys the rules, he's certainly welcome here.

Now, as for what I want to say to you BooChine. I encourage you to stay here in rb.com's poetric scriptures. It's a pretty decent place, and the experience is rather enjoyable. But please stop writing in caps.

As for your poetry, we've all written poems like that. Simple ones and such. The thing is, we've all elevated to some degree over time. You will, if you keep at it, elevate as well. And you will become a much better poet. Keep what L.A.STR~E~TZ said in mind, because while it wasn't very nice it was still true. But poetry is of course, subjectful, and things change.

Either way, as long as you reply with feedback on other's people's peices, you are welcome all the same here. And, with ego checked at door, you'll find this is a wonderful place at many times.

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Quote:

Originally posted by Bruklor Nec is just dumb

I'm taking that as a compliment.