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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
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06-19-04, 12:39 AM
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#1
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1926
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Push(Choices)::..
IP:
Push, Push!...
Breath, Now Breeeeeeeeath... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!... A Single Push For Which My Essence Broke The Womb... Eyes Of Potential And Beauty Free From Impurities... A Face Of Gentle Curiosity And Overwhelming Serenity Masked By Screams Of Confusion... Push, Push!... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!... In My Years Of Adolescence Stress Hits Its Peak Threw A Scream... No Longer Does Peace Rest Aside My Wilting Shoulders... Pressures, All At The Brink Of Manhood And Childhood... All Of This Uncertainty Sheltered With What To Most Is An Unfamiliar Stage... Will I Rest Along My Mothers Passion And Love... Or Drive My One Truth To A World Of Fallacy, And To The Brink Of A Dark Depression?... Push, Push!... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!... Uneasy Fingers Caress The Inner Lining Of A Pocket... Face Burdened By Hardship, And By Sights To Which Most Could Never Relate... As A Hand Coated With Unjust Malice Reaches Hesitantly Toward Evil... No One Left To Settle This Anxious Little Boy Held Within The Appearance Of A Man... Mothers Heart And Soul Fractured By Hate And Disappointment... Lays Awake Dead, She Doesn't Feel As If Living... And Neither Do I... I Could Reach For A Brake In Reality... Resort To Natures Magic For A Moment Of Tranquility... BUT I WILL NOT!... No More Breaks And Attempts To Freeze Time... The Clocks Must Stop For Good, Let The Sands Smother My Disturbance From The World... Push, Push!... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!... *Two Shots Fire* |
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06-19-04, 01:04 AM
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#2
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Custom Vet
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IP:
That was nice, mon. It was okay that it didn't rhyme, but the "Push, push- AHHHH" made me laugh. lol I know it shouldn't have though... This post is supposed to be serious.
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<table style=filter:glow(color=black)..> USTED ES CARNE MUERTA </table>₪FUCKERS! |
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06-19-04, 01:07 AM
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#3
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1926
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IP:
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06-19-04, 01:43 AM
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#4
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New to RB
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IP:
yeah that shit was aight it's pretty cool
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06-20-04, 10:41 AM
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#5
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1926
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IP:
...
 ... |
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06-24-04, 07:41 AM
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#6
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1926
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IP:
Any More??...
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06-30-04, 07:40 PM
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#7
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<<-Carpe Noctum->>
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IP:
see this was an amazing piece because it was raw and emotional, while i was reading at first i got kind of a light feeling and pictured new life being born, but then it kind of turned dark and tragic, was it that the boy didnt want to be born and face the many stresses of life, make time stop and not be born? or that the woman has been through
a lot of emotional trauma to have a child? wow, see this shit is deep, guess i'll never no, but i liked this man, this shit made me think....................
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
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06-30-04, 11:19 PM
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#8
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Jumpin' Along
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IP:
that was pretty good... nice emotion and good feeling's
lol.. i hate choire's
__________________
-Im God-
 3 Dq's dont get it twisted  -An Origional Rv member since 2003 ..Still think you can beat me? - |
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07-16-04, 03:30 AM
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#9
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
nice poem keep up the good job
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07-16-04, 06:18 AM
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#10
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Banned: Cheating
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IP:
i was really feeling that poem
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08-05-04, 10:53 AM
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#11
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1926
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IP:
Upping This Shit...
Maybe You'll Wake Up Now, Cuz I Dropped This When I Was Brand New... ~One~ |
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08-05-04, 11:42 AM
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#12
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New to RB
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IP:
I really really enjoyed your whole writing scheme and your structure. I enjoyed how it didn't rhyme I felt it gave it a more "natural" depth all of its own. I really loved how you would "start" each stanza with
"Push, Push!... AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!..." Gave it a more intense emotion....written out beautifully. I could fully imagine this to be a spoken word with maybe a piano background...slowly playing blissfully amidst your voice... You definately have alot of talent...and I would love to read more of your work...so please do us all a favor and continue posting your pieces...they are great <3 Take care and keep up posting...I look forward to more reads by you...
__________________
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08-05-04, 01:50 PM
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#13
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1926
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IP:
Thanks Alot Fem...
I Had Another Piece Around Here That Was Post Awhile Ago... But Now I Cant Find That Shit... Whatever Though, I'll Just Make Some New Shit... Upping For More Responses... .One. |
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08-07-04, 12:38 PM
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#14
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1926
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IP:
Upping...
.One. |
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09-30-04, 05:46 PM
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#15
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1926
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IP:
Upping...
.One. |
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