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Old 06-11-08, 11:14 PM   #1
Yung MEDIkated
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At 2 in the morning I'm awaken
My heads achin
And my bed feels empty...
As I reach over to receive comfort from my queen
All I grab is cold sheets
That show no signs of her bodies heat
So I start to count sheep
As I think
Damn where is she...

While I rub my chest
As if I'm corresing her breast
Unable to relax, my body continues to stretch
Molested by curiosity I send her this text
"Babe where are you, I've been trying to call you..."
Her absence is my stress

An hour goes by
There's still no reply
I pace back and forth the anger burns in my eyes
I put on some clothes I need to step outsides
I grab for my keys I need to go for a drive
But there not on the dresser...
...damn she's sneaky

Now pissed off and disturbed I go get pistol
I try to call her, but she sends me to voicemail
So leave her this message
"Bitch where is you, call me back as soon as you get this, or you and that nigga will hit the top of my hit list."
Then I hang up like blood forget this
When shorty calls back I'm a quickly end this
Damn she's got me trippin...

I sit in recliner all the lights are off
I loose focus of reality my mind gets life
I'm lost in thoughts
Then my phone goes off
Somebodies calling but the number is blocked
I pick it up
"Hello who is this"
'I got bad news'
"O ya what is it"
'Try to stay calm'
"I will if I can"
'You should take a seat'
"I already am, stop beating around the bush I can't take this no more, what do you want"
There's a knock on my door I open it up
I'm surrounded by cops
I asked them what's up
Your girlfriend is dead last night she got shot

My girlfriend is dead but I feel like the victim
My last thoughts were of dread now I must live with them
She never got em'
But I can't forget them
I prepare to close the door but the officer says listen
There's more
Right before she died she received a threatening message and the voice was yours
With no suspect or witness I'm thrown behind bars
Ten years to life is what I would do if god gave you back yours
But now I'm fucked up because I couldn't trust you
I sorry, I miss you


P.S. I love you
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Old 06-12-08, 04:46 PM   #2
LPMNDCTE
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this drop had a descent amount of emotion to it and was composed decently. I think that the drop (as a love story drop) was done okay because you had some "Real Life" comments within the piece that I could truely see someone actually saying in the real world...
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Old 06-12-08, 09:12 PM   #3
Ysdat
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Links or this will be closed.
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Old 06-12-08, 10:06 PM   #4
Yung MEDIkated
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links to what.............................................. ..........................
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Old 06-12-08, 10:10 PM   #5
Unfulfilled
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deep shit, i loved it....


they are saying post to links
of you commenting on some one
else's shit or your thread will be closed
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Old 06-13-08, 02:34 AM   #6
Ysdat
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lol @ links to what.

You need to post to url links to other peoples open mics you have left feedback on.

The reason for this is to generate activity. If links arent posted within 24 hours this will be closed.
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Old 06-13-08, 07:39 AM   #7
Yung MEDIkated
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well idnt know how so go ahead and close it
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Old 06-13-08, 08:34 AM   #8
Brydon
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I liked this piece, nicely thought out.Nice detail was put in this story.Only way to improve i guess is better vocab but never the less 8/10.
Good stuff.
What u need to do is leave feeback on other peoples pieces.then right click on the www. bit or http://rapverse in the top left hand of your screen, then click copy.then come back to your piece in the quick reply place,right click again and paste.
job done son.
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Old 06-14-08, 10:35 PM   #9
Ysdat
Whys That?
 
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