http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=229393
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=229560

i wrote this like a year ago.

Stop, freeze, cock, squeeze, release shells from a gat
Just watch me drop heat, see me telling you that
Most duck the illest, know I spit what mah’ skyll is
I’m dope, fuk the filla’s, you too froze to touch the realist
no glocks, hol' rocks straight up bash this fag's face in
tapped wit facts, face it when i'm strapped i'm past waitin’
plus my shell’s laced wit lead like old fashioned gas stations
know me, I’m lookin’ for shells like crabs wit no backs
flow heat, you bookin’ like hell, my mag’s no joke fag
time I combine toast wit aim like I align foes wit shame
Known to make a bitch run home like rewindin’ Sosa games
Meet the streets, i heat the beef like my grill’s composed wit flames
Broke ya’ frame, chattin’ that only time you ever close to aim
had kids that froze when I whip that toast wit clips that smoke
SkyLL ain’t ill!?, gah head, kick that joke an’ wish that though
perhaps I’m not gassed, know son, I’m just that dope
just know SkyLL drop heat like guns wit no clips
kids enraged, I’ll strip ya’ cage like lungs wit no ribs
I zip lips, whip kids, plus i’m top notch I pop tops like soda cans
froze ya’ stance, can you see SkyLL? So dope, NOPE, no one can
watch the bessel come out the zone an’ aim shot ‘atcha grin
I kicked the devil out his thrown ‘cause I’m hotter than him

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this was ok for a braggadocio type of piece. It didn't have anything that was very wow-ing, but it kept a steady flow.

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The Gift of Gab

look this was all right but too many metaphors for real homey didn't sound real enough but loved this part right here doe kinda funny, keep them coming

plus my shell’s laced wit lead like old fashioned gas stations
know me, I’m lookin’ for shells like crabs wit no backs
flow heat, you bookin’ like hell, my mag’s no joke fag
time I combine toast wit aim like I align foes wit shame

haha at this site, any feed is good. so ugh....good lookin' fellas.

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dope piece keep coming

thanks, up-in-your-girl^

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very generic peice.

Lyrics need to be alot more complex,have some om multis in it though. Text flow is ok in it aswell. Imagery is lacking, entire peice needs some originality to it.
stay dropping though

imagery is lacking. ysdat? Imagery makes artists get noticed, signed, and go platinum. imagery = stardom.

up-in-your-girl^

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umm, i think you read wrong.

Your imagery is lacking, hence you dont have enough imagery

Buts its a cool peice

i don't doubt this piece does. however, imagery is mentioned ALOT on this site and it's dope to have some good imagery, it's annoying to hear about the lacking of which when there's more to say about the initial piece.

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ok, my way of giving feed is to mainly point out what I see it lacking in.

if I was to straight prop you, and not point out were you went wrong, would you elevate?

so yeh, Im a better writer than you so take it as a compliment that i even took tiem to look at your boring peice.

imagery is a literary term that can boost the quality of a piece of writing. that's all son. so to suggest that you're better than me is an opinion you're simply throwing out there. your commenting of my shit is your choice. i've had thousands of better feed on all of my work so i highly doubt i'm "lucky" to have your ass comment on a piece i wrote a year ago when your feed is based on "imagery". and elevate? i'm laugin' at that. this piece didn't flop because it was lacking imagery, it didn't have it, so you felt like "oh he's not a good writer because there's no imagery, yup."...thanks for that laugh. this entire ordeal is hilarious.

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wow.
This is why RV doesnt learn anymore,cause they drop text peices, in a open mic forum,were the purpose is to get feedback on how to get better. But when told what a person see's lacking,they feel that there peice is allready perfect.

And yes, i am a better writer than you, dont belive? setup a topical battle.

damn yo, thise piece was all over the place, yah rhyme sceme is nuts.. lol. almost to much Rhyming, but it wasnt bad.. Like metioned above alot of metphors.. But overall i felt it, and the flow was dope as well as the structure.

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fuck you

[

What The Fuck Is With These Cats Sayin Theres Too Many Rhymes Or Metephors In This Piece? Maybe Dude Gon' Have To Dumb It Down To Appeal To The Fagits On A Lower Level.

This Shit Was Hot, Some Forced Rhymes But Its Acceptable When Every Single Muthafucken Syllable Was Covered. Ya Style Is Mad Similar To Mine, First Dude I Seen Who Could Really Fuck With Me If Im Slippin. 9/10

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