http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=90958
im done i fuckin quit //
shit when i cant get enough respect from the high school staff//
tryin to put me in tha courts causes this shit to snap//
causes me to kill; searchin without a search warrant because i supposely sold a pill//
kickin me out cuz i didnt make to school on time //
drop out to quitz now im dependen on ma ryhme//
parents apparently neva gave a damn //
alone in the court room; alone i stand//
a man awaiting ma future like a vulture stiff//
heres ma pain i have obtain ova tha years//
pop tha bottle -n- take a wiff//
middle fingers in tha air as im drug out in cuffs//
one in tha air and tha otha grippin ma nuts//
i had patience for a while then my style maintence broke//
finger on tha choke hole as i breath in//
steam -n- anger bellow out as i exhale//
Dave Chappelle neva influenced me//
so what makes ya think the truency officer would//
school could neva knock me off ma pedistool//
smokin a pound in tha shed; sharp tool usin it as a roach//
education made me a dangerous man//
got me to clan together; made to hard to approach//
he’s a blow to tha faculty; I snorted pills, did crank, and smoked pot in ya facility //‘
that’s tha fuckin reason ya stifflers could neva manipulate thee//


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=82558

This was ok.....your structure could use some work though, some of your lines were stretched out a bit and some were short, you should try to keep them all around the same length though, to make it structured good and to help the flow out....also try adding a few multies to help it out....but keep at it.

structure was off, and ya bars were stretched...
try keepin the length even to help ya flow, and make
sure every bar rhymes...
good topic, the content was in there, which made it
a good drop...
just keep elevating dawg
~AshY~

..shit was wack...it's thrid grade level...your vocab was garbage...your flow was worse...just Quit...you suck....