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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-01-04, 10:52 PM
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#1
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Guest
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My InSperation
IP: 4A45 85DD
I love you is only a phrase... Like sayin You look like a warm summers gaze... Or a winters water fall... Thats melts your heart and cuases you to fall... But when I tell you, its something more... Something that cuases my heart to pour... Peiricing through my soul... As if seeing is not only my expectation, but my lifes goal... To breath in the essence of your body and mind... I then realize there is no one like you, infact your one of a kind... Like hearing sounds from the old song stating "I once was blind"... But now that I have found you, I now see my destiny was not hard to find... I wish I could look into your eyes and fall asleep in its moon light glare... And drift away into our own drem world, without even a care... Im thinkin of you cummin, while Im sayin were not even there... I wanna lick on your soft skin, and run my hands through your hair... |
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02-02-04, 11:28 PM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 5922 6E63
DAmn I gets No love. Upin fo some feed back
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02-02-04, 11:33 PM
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#3
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That's Right...I'm White
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IP: A335 3412
Aight cool, this was pretty simple, flow was alright, vocab was basic, good imagery and emotion though. Interesting poem though...and try replying to other people's stuff to get more feedback. anyway, keep droppin
peace |
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02-03-04, 03:23 PM
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#4
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Sharp Perfection.
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IP: 4427 B15C
interesting it was, and it kinda twisted at the very end, a bit. one thing watch spelling and grammar. also the rhyme scheme seemed a bit over done and forced at times, try making it more natural. flow was alright, structure and vocab were basic.
~Tera~ DONT HATE
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R.I.P to my lost girl
~ Nyla ~ keep singing in heaven |
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02-03-04, 04:32 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 5922 6E63
Well Now That YOuve Replied to mines I will reply to yours. Also the Only reason it was basic Was becuase I did not want to go to deep for my poem drop. Also no It was not forced read it a little bit faster. Also a real poet would know repetetivness is part of the game.
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02-03-04, 04:45 PM
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#6
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Tampons are expensive
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IP: ADD8 3ECA
simple emotions.
Agreed with everyone, seemed like the rhyming words were just picked out of something and put them in there not actually thought out to actually make it fit, but it was a lovely poem.
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<br><br><center>- Shiznit - - Tampons are still expensive - - That's a Fact - </center> |
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