up.

jesus...
this is all bruks fault

I thought you said this was slept on? Lazy ass fruit.

However, this WAS good. I enjoyed the lines and the flow. Good message mixed up there aswell, but mainly the content is what drew me attention. I enjoyed this, and I must admit I haven't peeped a lot of your work. But thanks for mentionning this thread to me.



The "beat of wings" segment was sick - nice imagery.

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i don't think the vocab or wordplay was much better than average...

but that doesn't mean i didn't love this piece for it's stunningly simplistic imagery and it's efficient delivery...

too many people have nothing else to say but "it's sooo complex!" naaah shit the beauty is in the sparseness of the landscape of words you use...

my only complaint is that this is more poetry than a rap... but hey it's text so i can't tell how you might flow it...without a beat it might sound like some beatnik poetry over a beat it could be an underground classic... who knows?

{Peace}

I hate your bar structure.. It annoys me.. But that's irrelevant. .

I must agree is kinda reminiscent of spoken word.. and for some reason I'm waiting for someone to start slapping bongos and clicking at the end.. lol j/p..

I don't feel the "Mosquito perspective" was described enough. . I like a bit of a meaty open mic to read, unlike most people.. But at least you didn't just write about another wack concept like everyone else in here. .

Vocab etc is irrelevant, sometimes the simplest of words are best to describe what you're trying to convey. However I must say there is quite a bit of a grasp of the english language here. Perhaps over many peoples heads because their vocabulary starts with "Bling Bling" and ends in "Xzibit".

I thought you were going to take it from birth to death of a mosquito and you completely went and changed the shit.. I can catch some of the flow, I think you should throw it into a more traditional format in order to make it easier for people to pick up on the scheme.

It was a nice read, an alright concept but I feel that you could've rewritten it in order to have more of an impact on your audience.. Keep writin'.. pz

Just returning the favor.